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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being stupid? -child free night

89 replies

Onthefloor2 · 22/01/2022 18:36

We very rarely get child free nights, in 14 years you can count the times on one hand. We’ve been together 17.

The stars aligned somehow and tonight both kids are at sleepovers and it’s DP night off work. We could go out!! Like actually go OUT!! A drink, cinema, dinner….sit in the car in a car park…anything!!

Does this sound like an excuse?
“We can’t go out, this is our sons first sleepover (his 6 and at a school friends house) so we can’t go out because if he wants to come home and they call (the parents) we need to make sure we’re around the corner (and not 20 minutes down the road at the cinema, dinner or pub) to collect him.

Is he right?

(Or is this yet another stupid excuse that this mug has fallen for? Feels like he just NEVER wants to go out and do anything with me)

Aibu?

OP posts:
lms2017 · 22/01/2022 19:01

Go find a late night Costa or something and just do your own thing ! Leave him home you don't have to spend your free night with him use it as you time x

PearTreeBoat · 22/01/2022 19:03

If he's not willing to go out how about date night at home. Get him to cook you a nice meal, fancy bottle of wine, candles the works.
Personally I don't see an issue with going out, but if he does make him compromise and not just get his own way.

DillDanding · 22/01/2022 19:05

He’s either overprotective or has given up on investing in your relationship.

Hb12 · 22/01/2022 19:08

At 6 our kids wouldn't stay away from home, and may well have headed off excited but not managed it.

However we probably would have gone for a meal, drinks or whatever (one staying sober) and kept a phone nearby. Probably wouldn't have done cinema.

CharlotteRose90 · 22/01/2022 19:10

He’s a dickhead sorry. You could have gone out for dinner and one of you didn’t drink incase you needed to drive etc. Or a film, bowling etc. He’s making excuses and I’d be kicking him out for the night and having a pamper night with a takeaway

Scbchl · 22/01/2022 19:12

Thats so so shit of him. You can't live your life by things that could happen. It isn't like you'd be hours away.

Do you live near parents, siblings or cousins you could go see and have a drink with and just get out the house.

It maybe isn't you, its maybe him. Sounds like he has got to use to just sitting at gone doing nothing. Is he confidence within himself, no insecurities or social anxiety etc?

CantChatNow · 22/01/2022 19:13

I’d have one of you stay sober, but generally it’ll be later in the evening/early hours of the morning that someone bails out if they’re going to! I’d be gutted too op, I’ve been saving up sleepovers for my kids as favours owed to try and coordinate a date night lol

arethereanyleftatall · 22/01/2022 19:14

Oh that's rubbish, Yanbu op. What a shame.

Slagertha · 22/01/2022 19:15

With that outlook, you won't be able to go out together until your youngest is a teenager?! He's being silly. Or lazy. I'd go out alone, or at the very least get myself a drink and a takeaway x

user1481840227 · 22/01/2022 19:16

It depends.
Is he generally an over anxious parent, and over protective and constantly worrying about the kids? If so then it would be in line with that.

If not then it's very obviously an excuse!

pinkfondu · 22/01/2022 19:18

You don't need a friend, get dressed go out, go to the cinema, have something to eat, duck walk around the supermarket if you have too but go out!

Divebar2021 · 22/01/2022 19:22

If there was a problem it wouldn’t be now it would be later at bedtime. I think you need to go out to make the point.

KatherineJaneway · 22/01/2022 19:30

That's really shit

whynotwhatknot · 22/01/2022 19:30

so hes just never going to go out

or is it just with you

ElegantlyTouched · 22/01/2022 19:32

Go out and have a fabulous time.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 22/01/2022 19:33

That’s rubbish can you spend time together at home, nice dinner? Film? I know it’s not the same but could be really lovely

DoctorManhattan · 22/01/2022 19:34

My son was 7 and when he had his first sleepover at his friend’s he still took fright at bedtime and had to come home. Worth noting this friend is our neighbour so our house literally backs onto theirs, but even knowing that he wasn’t comfortable.

With that said, it’s really neither here nor there. Your other half could perfectly well go out and even if it takes you both 20-30 mins to get back if needed, it’s hardly the end of the world. He sounds incredibly lazy and not up for making the effort tbh, surely over the last few years you could both have arranged a babysitter or something and had a few nights out

OfstedOffred · 22/01/2022 19:34

You can go out but 6 is really really young for a sleepover with school friends, you are highly likely to be rung at about 9pm!

Indecisive29 · 22/01/2022 19:38

@Onthefloor2 Thats shit OP Sad
If you’ve nobody else to head out with instead Can you go and get yourself a takeaway and a bottle of wine then go and enjoy some peace in the bath?

Tilltheend99 · 22/01/2022 19:40

Once you’ve got over the initial paranoia of going to the cinema alone it becomes normal and you’ll realise that no one notices/cares you are alone. Last three times I have been to cinema was on my own (with a near two year gap for Covid)

I agree that you should just go out by yourself, even if just for a stroll around the 24 hour supermarket. Being in sole charge of looking after DS if he wants to come home will make your DP think twice.

WindyState · 22/01/2022 19:45

As long as you can get home reasonably quickly and can answer a phone if it rings of course it's fine.

If DH wants to stay in, fine. I'd be off to the cinema by myself.

Pieminster · 22/01/2022 19:52

Yeah, I'd deffo take myself out to the cinema. And I'd be so pissed of with DH I'd just leave, shouting over my shoulder that I was going out, them do one.

HogDogKetchup · 22/01/2022 19:54

Tbh I think you’re both right, you just don’t agree.

Purpleraspberry · 22/01/2022 19:55

Is DP usually over protective or anxious?
Is it expected that your kids might want to come home?
Either way, it is offensive that your DP won't go out, however if the answer to both the above questions is no, then you need to talk to him about how he has made you feel. You cpuld easily go for some drinks at least, and have your phone out all the time.

If it isn't anxiety I am guessing he probably assumed he'd have an evening of relaxing in front of tv or doing whatever he likes uninterrupted, and you asking to go out has side tracked these plans. Very selfish and ignorant, but probably not meant personal. If you rarely have any couple time, it probably didn't cross his mind that you could do anything as a couple. I am not making excuses for him, but just trying to offer a possibility. Is there anyone who could babysit for you to get you out together on date nights more?

Talk to him. Tell him u would like to make the the most of any time alone. Wpuld he agree to having a romantic meal in the house?

solfleur · 22/01/2022 19:57

If DH wants to stay home then let him, You can go out on your own (enjoy a meal out, go to the Cinema, go to the pub) I've gone to the cinema/drink in a pub numerous times on my own, tbh I've really enjoyed it ( Your DH is at home if any need arises regarding your DS)

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