to use child maintenance payments for household bills

[AmIMistaken]

I'm a bit nervous about asking this.

I'm divorced and on a low income. I work part time now which I've built up to after years of my own dreadful mental health and also DD having mental health issues and me needing to be on call if things kicked off at school.

My ExH pays around £300 maintenance a month.

My household budget, which includes the maintenance money, goes towards rent, food, clothes for DD, DD's haircuts, her bus pass and household bills. I always thought that the purpose of maintenance money was that it go towards making sure your child is fed, clothed, warm and has a roof over their head?

I never go over what I earn part time for things for myself. I rarely buy myself new clothes - will get second hand ones from time to time. I haven't had a haircut in years. I have a couple of small luxuries like a TV subscription, but am very careful that this comes out of the money that I earn and most of what I earn goes towards making sure my daughter is properly cared for.

Her father keeps complaining to DD that he gives me £300 per month and it should be for her and I shouldn't be spending it on bills. She rang him today asking for an advance on her pocket money because she saw some shoes she liked in a second hand shop (I'd refused because I've given her bits and bobs of money through the week and had told her a couple of days ago that I've given her what I can afford this week - I suggested she ask them to put them on hold for her and she pay half today) - she's not short on clothes/shoes btw - she's just really interested in fashion so wanted to treat herself. He then complained to her about how I'm not spending money on her and where was the maintenance money going (which I think is inappropriate and it really upset DD - and it's not the first time he's made this complaint to her)

I feel that I am spending money on her - if I wasn't resident parent, I would live in a small flat rather than a house, I'd buy less food, I'd use less power. Have I been deluded in thinking maintenance money can go towards the household budget in this way? I think ExH thinks I should be using it to shower DD with gifts?

I'm genuinely concerned in case I've not been spending it correctly. Please be gentle. I honestly thought it was OK to use maintenance money for bills?

Yanbu.
Maintenance goes into the household budget pot and pays the mortgage, energy bills, petrol, food, clothes, days out etc.

Maintenance is there to support the expenses involved with raising a child. Including rent bills food etc.

Btw you’d probably be better off on UC as more generous work disregards.

If he carries on tell him to google it

Child maintenance is to cover the child’s living costs, so food, toiletries, heating, school uniform, etc etc. Contribution to having a roof over their head Yes it includes clothes but not some. I wants that actually are not necessary.

He’s an idiot

Thank you for the welcome, I’m over it now my children are adults (seen a few MN posts recently but never joined up) just had to sign up for this one I don’t want anyone else to think that it’s acceptable to be financially controlled, things can be disproportionately divided financially amongst other things

I only used to get £5 a week maintenance for ds, I used to treat myself to a bottle of wine with it because I kept him clothed, fed, warm & a roof over our heads myself. It was also a way of sticking two fingers up at his dad as well.

That is exactly what maintenance is for

You use it for whatever you need to live.

Her father keeps complaining to DD that he gives me £300 per month and it should be for her and I shouldn't be spending it on bills

Doesnt she cost anything at all then? Doesnt have her own room, doesnt sleep in a bed, or use heating, or eat anything, or use anything that uses electricity....

arsehole

I have a slightly different take on Child Maintenance and don't believe housing costs should be associated.

I'm reality the housing and bills costs should be the same for both RP and NRP. If you have 2 children 1 of each sex the reality is a 3 bedroom home would be needed for both. So utility, mortgage/rent etc would be nearly the same.

Then the maintenance should cover food , clothes.

You’re putting a roof over her head, food in her, clothes on her, heating the house for her. That is what child maintenance is for. Not pocket money.

@Rebornagain

I have a slightly different take on Child Maintenance and don't believe housing costs should be associated.

I'm reality the housing and bills costs should be the same for both RP and NRP. If you have 2 children 1 of each sex the reality is a 3 bedroom home would be needed for both. So utility, mortgage/rent etc would be nearly the same.

Then the maintenance should cover food , clothes.

Really, so if op didn't have dc, she could live in a 1 bed place, where is your logic then?

@Rebornagain

I have a slightly different take on Child Maintenance and don't believe housing costs should be associated.

I'm reality the housing and bills costs should be the same for both RP and NRP. If you have 2 children 1 of each sex the reality is a 3 bedroom home would be needed for both. So utility, mortgage/rent etc would be nearly the same.

Then the maintenance should cover food , clothes.

I feel that I am spending money on her - if I wasn't resident parent, I would live in a small flat rather than a house, I'd buy less food, I'd use less power.

Op even states it

Rebornagain are you NRP?

I see it this way: If I didn’t have a child I could have easily lived in a studio flat or HMO within my means. Using maintenance to pay for accommodation and bills was so my son could have a better standard of living than what I could give him on my sole income.

Maintenance is not pocket money or for treats, it is to keep a roof over their heads, feed them and keep them warm as you need to. If at some point you can provide that standard of living on your own you can start saving the maintenance for the child to have a holiday, driving classes or university savings.

Bear in mind that you also need to teach your child to live within her mens and using her money responsibly. Overindulging them with non essential stuff when you are struggling only leads to very entitled, selfish kids.

Overindulging them with non essential stuff when you are struggling only leads to very entitled, selfish kids.

Yes, quite right. And what is the use in £300 being splurged on whatever your child wants while struggling to give them what they need (food, roof over their head, heating, water)? If some/most/all of the CM money needs to be used on the child's needs, then so be it! That is basically the point of CM, it's not meant for getting them the latest iphone and designer trainers.

We must have the same ex. He told me that his lawyer advised him that CM is purely for treats, expensive jeans, trainers etc. yeh sure - I'll just starve your son then but it's ok cos he'll look good. Told him to give his head a wobble and stop getting advice from his mates in the pub.

YANBU but £300 a month plus £10 a week is quite a lot so I’m assuming this isn’t done via CMS unless he’s a very high earner?

It is not that much, it is actually below what an average earner would have to pay. And it is nothing if you are living I’m a expensive city when it comes to rents.

OP your child is abit old for this but when my ex told DS he gave me £XXX a month for him I took the Monopoly game out, handed DS the amount of money we had a month (my income plus maintenance) and then asked him to pay the actual amounts I needed to pay a month from water, to mortgage to car insurance and once he just had a few pounds left I asked him if he wanted us to get rid of the car, cancel holidays, reduce what we spent on activities or move to a another less expensive area.

He didn’t want any of that so he understood I was trying my best and not short changing him about money. He is now an adult but he was able to understand very early on that, whatever his dad said, if I told him he had to wait until payday for me to get him something he needed, there were good reasons for it.

Princess and the cost of 'childcare' of course. Actual adult supervision. Probably the biggest cost of all at least several pounds an hour (daytime). Overnights would be more.

Presumably working full time would be easier if you didn’t have DD too?

YADNBU to use it for bills.

So he reckons you should pay rent, bills, food, water bill etc yourself with no input from him and his precious cash is for dd to treat herself???

Is he insane???

Yanbu at all.

Also another take on this then is if a RP is working part time and qualifies for universal credit. Apart of that assessment is housing benefit by the government. So when they receive child maintenance as well they are getting 2 lots of money towards the bills

rolls eyes

@RunningInTheWind

You’re doing great. He’s a bellend. Pour yourself a celebratory drink because 1) it’s Friday night and 2) you’re not sharing the sofa with him.

absolutely!

@Rebornagain

Also another take on this then is if a RP is working part time and qualifies for universal credit. Apart of that assessment is housing benefit by the government. So when they receive child maintenance as well they are getting 2 lots of money towards the bills

What? No. How did you work that out? The NRP is paying towards the costs of bringing up their child. You are aware that they stopped counting child maintenance years ago because it is so little for most people and also unreliable to boot. Two lots of payments . Give your head a wobble.

Universal Credit = living the highlife?!