Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Friend hasn't invited DP to her wedding

98 replies

sophiebecky · 21/01/2022 09:55

Friend, Muslim, getting married next month.
Friend has invited me to her wedding but not DP. I won't know anyone at the wedding apart from the friend who is getting married. Wedding is also on a weeknight, after working hours and is a good 1.5 hours away. I will also need to get ready after work. WIBU not to attend?

I don't know if it's a cultural reason why she hasn't invited DP as we are not married yet. I'm quite sad she hasn't invited DP, as friend and I are good friends.

DP and I are getting married at the end of the year. Would I be unreasonable to invite friend but not her then husband as she hasn't invited DP?

OP posts:

clpsmum · 21/01/2022 12:25

@roses2

Men and women will be separated and in different rooms if it's a traditional Muslim wedding. I wouldn't read too much into it. If it's not convenient then don't go. Don't go tit for tat if you're good friends.

This. You wouldn't be with your husband anyway even if he went

gsaoej · 21/01/2022 12:27

On the face of it, it appears rude not to invite your fiancé.

However, I am not sure what difficulty travelling 1.5 hours after work really presents to you, unless you have people relying on you, like small kids or something?

TopCatsTopHat · 21/01/2022 12:30

Most muslim weddings I know have very large guest lists and so ALL guests getting a +1 isn't reasonable. It is an honour to be invited, and it would be a blast. But if you think you won't cope with the socialising as a single invitee just decline nicely and send a card or something.

BatshitBanshee · 21/01/2022 12:34

Well, she's going to be even more unhappy when she discovers this thread.

If you think you're such a good friend that your DP should have automatically been invited but not good enough that you could ask her about his non-invite or not be put off by the travel distance, that's a you-problem.

I do hope that by the time your wedding rolls around OP that some mean-spirited invitee starts a thread about how your voluntary invite doesn't suit their every personal need.

Flocon · 21/01/2022 12:35

Not surprised she's unhappy. She can probably tell you just can't be arsed to go

AlDanvers · 21/01/2022 12:40

Why did you say, in your op, you would have gt ready and travel 'after work hours' when you were taking leave. Clearly getting ready and travelling after work wasn't going to be an issue as you wouldn't have been working.

It seems you can't even be honest on an anonymous forum about it. Never kind with your friend.

RantyAunty · 21/01/2022 12:41

YABU

You had planned to go and even took off work for it.
Are you that joined at the hip with your bf that you can't attend a good friend's wedding by yourself?

Meraas · 21/01/2022 12:41

Unfortunately I said I couldn't attend due to the travel etc and she is unhappy with me now as said I could take leave.

You've dealt with it terribly, OP.

All you had to do was ask her.

Esspee · 21/01/2022 12:51

I would refuse the invitation to the wedding if my OH wasn’t invited.
Ladies only is completely different.
If my OH was not acceptable at her wedding then her OH wouldn’t be at mine.
It really is just that simple.

caringcarer · 21/01/2022 12:54

If she is a friend I would go. I am sure the people you are seated with will talk to you. It won't hurt your DC to stay home for on we occasion. Does your friend even know him? Muslim weddings often have literally hundreds of guests. They are known for being lavish and many go on for several days.

Locomelon · 21/01/2022 13:05

Is she a good friend? Do you want to go and see her get married?

We had a number restricted wedding and I would have been so sad to have upset a friend in this way. I did invite a friend without her husband as I'd had 1 drop out so could bump 1 person up (mainly family and one table of friends invited so v small) She was just happy to be able to come and see us get married. Her husband was invited to the evening do along with the rest of our friends.

You are only thinking of yourself/your partner and not her. So I would suggest you're not that bothered about the friendship.

Chatwin · 21/01/2022 13:14

Just ask her why DP isn't invited.

Tell her you feel uncomfortable attending alone particularly as you won't know anyone and you aren't (I assume?) familiar with her religion's customs at a wedding.

The hen do event will be an opportunity to get to know some people however so there will be some familiar faces at the wedding.

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 21/01/2022 13:16

YANBU not to go, it's very inconvenient.
YABU to play tit for tat against a friend and not invite her husband. Its pretty standard to not invite boyfriends but invite husbands, especially considering her religion.

FlyingSoHigh · 21/01/2022 13:20

Going on your own to a wedding when you don't know anyone apart ppfrom the bride is miserable. Been there and it was awful. I was put on the table in the farthest corner, facing a wall with 2 families with young kids. The parents all knew each other so sat together and I was left on my own surrounded by children. To this day I have no idea why my friend did this to me.

OP - you've done the right thing. Take the happy couple out for a meal after the wedding and look the photos with them.

HyacynthBucket · 21/01/2022 13:22

There could be any number of reasons. Does your DP know her? I have never understood why people have complete strangers at their wedding, just because they are married to or partners of another guest.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 21/01/2022 13:23

I would make a polite excuse and no attend, but mainly because I wouldn’t want to travel 3 hours round trip on a school night

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/01/2022 13:38

YABU as you could have discussed it with her truthfully instead of making assumptions and taking offence. Her relatives and His relatives have a MUCH bigger say in the guest list and whole wedding.
Also YABU to not invite her plus new DH to yours in "retaliation"
Sounds like you don't want to be friends with her anymore.

Sceptre86 · 21/01/2022 13:49

Just go to the parts that you can go to. So the mehndhi on the weekend, that will be more fun than the actual wedding anyway. If she's still upset, oh well you can't please everybody.

Darkstar4855 · 21/01/2022 13:50

YANBU to not go.

YWBU to not invite her husband as a form of “tit for tat”.

Original poster

sophiebecky · 21/01/2022 14:07

Oops I made a typo.

Unfortunately I said I couldn't attend due to the travel etc and she is unhappy with me now as said I COULDN'T take leave.

I work 9-5, I'd then have to travel home to get ready, then travel 1.5 hours to the wedding, and 1.5 hours back again as a lone female at night.

OP posts:

SunshineCake1 · 21/01/2022 15:02

If the real reason you don't want to go is because your fiancé hasn't been invited how about you tell her that. She might then say bring him.
We declined a wedding evening do as baby wasn't invited. When I said why we weren't going I was told to bring him.

Littlepaws18 · 21/01/2022 15:11

It's a reasonable request as you aren't family and prices per head at weddings can be astronomical. Plus their might be a cultural here too, I've been to a number of Muslim weddings (all completely different from each other) one I went to the make and females guests were separated for most of the wedding. It could be a possibility that this is the case.

Littlepaws18 · 21/01/2022 15:12

I married recently and there were a few guests where we didn't add the plus one as it was over £100 per head and we simply couldn't afford it. We spoke to the people involved and they understood.

Flip

1 2 3 4