To not want to leave a 2 year old with a babysitter they dont know?

[OfstedOffred]

Friend thinks IABU to not ever want to leave 2 year old with a babysitter who is a complete stranger to them. Eg an agency sitter etc, gym creche with random staff. Friend thinks I am being a "martyr".

AIBU?

FWIW 2 yr old in question reasonably often wakes around 10 or 11pm. Settles quickly but would be terrified if there was only a stranger there.

To avoid drip feed:
I have an older DC aged 5 and in recent months have felt they are old enough to be on with this - as they dont wake at night and in any case are used to going to swimming lessons etc without a parent, and would understand what was going on if it was explained to them.

I never did it so I don't think YABU at all. Many do it and that's up to them. I don't judge them for doing it so your friend shouldn't judge you.

To be clear I don't judge either, I know kids really vary, a different friend has a DC who has always been v social and didnt seem upset by who they were left with even as a toddler, but mine aren't really like that.

I've never done it. My child never woke in the night but still would never leave him with a stranger

I think it depends. Random creche yanbu. Ofsted outstanding nursery attached to a gym yabu as they are as good as the best childcare places. You need to do your research not just assume all strangers are ‘bad’

We used our gym crèche for both children (and now they're older the same staff do the kids clubs). They're regular staff and we got to know them quickly. We have never used a 'stranger' to babysit at night though.

I’d probably use a crèche once I’d checked it out etc

I wouldn’t use a stranger to babysit in the house- much as it’s often recommended on here

I wouldn’t leave my 2 year old with anyone other than the nursery that we carefully vetted and she attends every week.

I’ve never done it with any of mine, my kids wouldn’t like it and neither would I

I bet this friend doesn't have kids? This is the sort of thing I thought was fine before DC and now I have one I wouldn't do it

Even now mine are older I wouldn’t use a babysitter I didn’t know

No!

Simply because I would choose not to completely terrify my kids unless I absolutely had to.

I wouldn’t ever use a babysitter I didn’t know. I have used a gym crèche before.

I'd never use a babysitter my children didn't know. It would be terrifying for them to wake to a stranger.

Some gym creches could be OK though, I'd want to check them out first.

Are you complaining about it? Why is your friend saying you are a martyr?
I dont think there is anything unreasonable out it as long as your not constantly complaining about it!
I also chose to not leave my kids with sitters they didnt know when they were little. They’re a bit older now and fine with it!

To clarify, my kids know the babysitter (friend or nursery lady!)

I wouldn't leave my 10 year old with a stranger. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a stranger staying over in my house now when I am in my 40s.

I think that if your child is fairly likely to wake while you are out, then it makes a lot of sense to try and avoid leaving them, except with someone they know really well. And unless they're a really good sleeper, it's best if they have at least been introduced to the sitter.

I once babysat two littlies who had only met me a few times - it was an unavoidable situation, in that parents were new to the area and had clashing evening work meetings. The older one, about 2/3, woke as they left, and his wailing woke his sister, so I took him downstairs. He howled for quite a while, until eventually I think he realised he did know me, and he calmed down and went back to bed. Not an easy evening!

When it comes to things like a gym creche, I think it depends on how your child is. Some will settle fine and wave goodbye, but others won't cope. You might not know until you try. I left mine for the first time (other than with family) aged 19 months, at a creche where she knew nobody, but she was quite happy - until the first children were collected, and she panicked because I wasn't there. The next time I made sure I was first to collect, and she wailed because she didn't want to go yet. (We sussed it the third time - I made sure I was about the third parent in!)

Each to their own. I’ve never done it but then we’ve always had childcare.

If a parent has no support network and the individual is from a registered agency/website/comes recommended with all the right checks then have at it.

Each to their own- obviously depends how much you want a night out, the child would most likely be fine but if you’re not comfortable then don’t do it

I think a gym creche where you know the team is different to a child waking up at 11pm with only a stranger in the house. The guest I might be tempted the second send really harsh. Kids are often a bit confused when they wake up in the middle of the night. Daytime's a bit different.

I did with all mine, they're all fine

YANBU

DD (age 3.5) is only ever left with her grandma.

I’ve been invited to a wedding soon & grandma can’t babysit that day so DD is coming & I will leave at her bedtime.

If people don’t like it they can do one.

Appreciate I am fortunate that her granny is local. Also my work are flexible so if she’s sick or something I can always have the time off, there’s never any pressure to use emergency childcare . (I used to work for a company that provided emergency childcare for staff if children couldn’t go to nursery for whatever reason, I left that company before having kids)

Oh I do use a nursery too

It's up to you isn't it?

As long as you're not going round saying 'oh I have no childcare' like people on here do all the time, when they what they actually mean is ' I choose to not leave my children with anyone else.'

I agree, it's a wee bit precious