To not want to leave a 2 year old with a babysitter they dont know?

[OfstedOffred]

Friend thinks IABU to not ever want to leave 2 year old with a babysitter who is a complete stranger to them. Eg an agency sitter etc, gym creche with random staff. Friend thinks I am being a "martyr".

AIBU?

FWIW 2 yr old in question reasonably often wakes around 10 or 11pm. Settles quickly but would be terrified if there was only a stranger there.

To avoid drip feed:
I have an older DC aged 5 and in recent months have felt they are old enough to be on with this - as they dont wake at night and in any case are used to going to swimming lessons etc without a parent, and would understand what was going on if it was explained to them.

I've had situations of babies / toddlers waking up and being absolutely distraught that im a stranger. It's not nice.

It's this, this is what I dont like. I'm totally fine with using a sitter but have made the effort to have a regular one or use a friend so that my kids actually know the person and it's not scary. To me it's not worth getting a random person in on one occasion because DH's friend Bob wants EVERYONE over for drinks because you don't turn 37 every day....

This thread is dripping in judgement and it's not from the OP.

I would have been stuck at home for years if we haven't had the option to use various sitter services and OMG use STRANGERS!!!! I simply refused to become a recluse just because my DC might be upset for five minutes. Tbh they never were upset because they were used to meeting new people (STRANGERS!!!) and always had fun with them. I don't think our marriage had survived either if we'd never had a moment to ourselves.

We have no family near by at all. We used The Sitters for 10 years and met so many lovely women through them. At one point we had a regular babysitter, an older lady through them. My DC built a wonderful relationship with her and were always excited to have her to come. We also had another lady who was a Norland Nanny, she was great. Another one was a young 20 something woman who had a great energy and my DS took such a shine on her, it was very cute.

To me this is a weird MN thing. Where we live, all the holiday camps, creches etc are always fully booked. Most of the kids going into these have never met the staff before.

We only use our daughters nursery key worker for babysitting, if she’s not available we don’t go!

I’m pretty lax, am all about the holiday kid clubs, love the gym crèche, find sitters on Bubble etc but even I wouldn’t leave a child that is guaranteed to wake with someone they don’t know. If it’s evening babysitting then I think they need to be old enough understand they’re being left, know the sitter, or be 110% reliable so that you’re certain they won’t wake up. In your situation there’s no way I’d go. Being a martyr would mean not leaving them ever but you have a trusted regular sitter so friend is being rude and unfair. But I do think you’re being a bit precious about about stuff like the gym crèche. Its one thing to think twice if they’re clinging to your leg crying at drop off but if they’re happy to get stuck in with the toys then what can possibly happen in an hour whilst you work out and in the unlikely event that there was an issue they would contact you and you’d be there in minutes!

I would be fine in the day time with a gym creche/holiday kids club etc. as neither of my DC are shy and are used to nursery/school.

For night time I would only leave them with grandparents/my brother though as they would just get too upset if they woke up to find someone they didn't know well.

I think a crèche/holiday club is totally different to someone you barely know in your house alone with your child, sorry but it’s not even close to them same thing.

I mean, you could invite the babysitter round for half an hour before you go out. That’s what most parents did back in the day when I was babysitting.

But obviously it’s completely up to you and what you’re comfortable with.

I simply refused to become a recluse just because my DC might be upset for five minutes.

I guess because I've always had options my kids are familiar with it's not like I've had to be a recluse. I can only think of a handful of occasions where I've had to skip something because my regular babysitting options have fallen through.

I mean, you could invite the babysitter round for half an hour before you go out.

I just think even having met someone for a half hour, when my 2 yr wakes half asleep and a bit distressed (definitely will wake) they will be so scared that it's someone they barely know standing over their bed

@OfstedOffred Yes it's different if it's only an odd situation you can't get the childcare you like. It happens, you can't always go to all the outings you want to. But in many people case, they can never go anywhere because there is no family near by at all.

My DC went to both nursery and preschool but in neither case, the staff was unable to babysit. So that option was out. I didn't know any local teens and in any case preferred to have a full vetted adult rather than a teen when DC were small. We later had two teen boys when ours had gotten older and they were great. Very occasionally we did a babysitting swap with friends but I always felt obliged to get back home fairly quickly, when you pay for the service, I felt more relaxed and able to enjoy my night. Just a different point of view.

You need to do your research not just assume all strangers are ‘bad’

It's nothing to do with not trusting the carer and everything to do with it being traumatic for a young child to wake up and find mummy and daddy missing and a stranger in the house.

There is NO WAY I would ever have done this. Grandparents, trusted friend or neighbour, keyworker or nursery staff - fine, but not agency staff or some random unknown babysitter.