Can I wear a coat to a funeral which isn't black?!

[horsesanddrywhitewine]

We're going to a very formal and large funeral tomorrow of a family friend.

My black coat doesn't fit since having a baby 8 months ago. I said I'd wear my camel coloured one, my husband says that isn't an appropriate colour for a funeral.

I don't want to be cold, it's forecast cold tomorrow, can I wear it if I take it off once I get into church?

If you are an adult you need something appropriate for a funeral where black is expected.The older you get the more funerals you will attend.

The older all of us get the less expectation there will be to wear all black. I've been to loads over 30 years, all of people in their 70s+ from.varipus backgrounds and not a single one was all black or where anyone would have stood out for not wearing black.

DH's aunt wearing fuchsia leopard print to her FIL's (DH's Granddad) funeral was commented on but a camel.coat is hardly in the same league.

When I was pg, I wore my coat open with pashminas around my neck and middle (as in 1 pashmina wrapped longways ending over my middle. - not just a scarf and not my usual "half it and slide ends through the loop halfways so it's only around my neck" style) and an extra layer underneath compared to indoors.

I think any neutral colour is fine.

As others have said, wear it with a black pashmina or scarf.

I think it’s absolutely fine. It’s too cold to be wearing a coat you can’t do up!

What does your DH propose to do, buy you a new one?

The OP started this post yesterday and she mentioned that the funeral is today ... I'd imagine that she is either on her way there or actually at the funeral now.

OP - I hope you went with whatever you feel most comfortable in and I'm sorry for your loss.

Its probably too late now but I'm going against the grain slightly with the any neutral colour goes only because OP stated it was "a very formal funeral " Personally if the vast majority of mourners are wearing black I would want to so that I wasnt standing out and being noticable.
For most of the funerals people go to these days neutral would be fine but not so much (imo) for a very formal funeral.
I would have nipped down to a retail park where they have tkmaxx, matalan or George at Asda to get an emergency coat!!

I noticed several camel coats at the funeral of the murdered teacher in Ireland. I think it's a neutral colour, it will be fine. Maybe team with a black scarf etc.

Could you leave the black coat unbuttoned?

@BashStreetKid from my perspective it’s an etiquette thing and etiquette is important to me. I understand it isn’t important to everyone but I do think it reflects on people and OP’s husband - who clearly knows the family better than us - thinks it’s a problem so maybe it is for the particular family who are holding a funeral. I didn’t suggest spending a fortune on a new coat, I suggested a charity shop as a possible solution.

With 500 people I'd be surprised if absolutely everyone's wearing a black coat, but anyway it's cold but hardly arctic, so just take it off when you're in the venue and wear something black underneath

Job done, and I hope it all goes as well as these things can

Funerals here are celebrations of the life of the deceased, which is as they should be.
Even for a young person? Different countries, different ways of doing things but neither of the traditions are wrong and I respect the differences.

Yes, even for a young person. As for the traditions you hold so dear, it would seem from many of the comments on this thread that they aren't upheld quite as much as you think.

However, I stand by my statement that anyone who places what someone wears to a funeral above the fact that they showed respect by attending is not the sort of person I would wish to know. It is unbelieveably old fashioned! In my lifetime I don't remember this "all black at any cost" attitude here. If someone wore bright pink no-one would turn a hair.

Well I borrowed a black coat from mum and I'm glad I did - over an hour in a freezing cold cathedral, over 500 people and I could count the people on two hands not wearing black. Thanks for everyone's opinion.

I think basically we all have a different interpretation of what a "formal funeral" entails.

Having read this thread, I've now realised that I am rather sadly in the position of owning a 'funeral outfit', which includes a winter coat.

When I shuffle off this mortal coil, people will be encouraged to wear surf shirts and feather boas, BUT that's me: if formal dress is requested, then formal dress it is.

Do you have a local FB/Neighbourhood group, from which you could borrow?

@horsesanddrywhitewine

Well I borrowed a black coat from mum and I'm glad I did - over an hour in a freezing cold cathedral, over 500 people and I could count the people on two hands not wearing black. Thanks for everyone's opinion.

I think basically we all have a different interpretation of what a "formal funeral" entails.

Apologies, I missed your update!

Camel is a neutral, so fine, especially with a black/navy dress or suit and accessories. Sober and respectful is the note to hit. Last funeral I attended, my second cousin's, I wore the black and tan blanket check coat his mum gave me. And everyone in the family recognized it, and were pleased to see it still in use.

Too late, but I hope the deceased had a splendid send-off. With a full cathedral it sounds as if they were widely known and will be much missed.

@XingMing widely known yes but I doubt any more missed than anyone subject to a funeral. Nasty business all the same!

@horsesanddrywhitewine 💐 what a day. Hope you and yours ok

@SquirrelG
Well, having read the OP's update, your opinion appears to be the minority one and the correct etiquette matters to a lot of people - 490 odd out of 500.
OP, I hope the day wasn't too stressful 💐