Can I wear a coat to a funeral which isn't black?!

[horsesanddrywhitewine]

We're going to a very formal and large funeral tomorrow of a family friend.

My black coat doesn't fit since having a baby 8 months ago. I said I'd wear my camel coloured one, my husband says that isn't an appropriate colour for a funeral.

I don't want to be cold, it's forecast cold tomorrow, can I wear it if I take it off once I get into church?

*their problem

I’m of the “wear what you have” school.

I’m not in the UK but the last family funeral I was at was summer. Lots of white trousers, bright, loose summer tops, sandals. Blokes in plain trousers with a shirt. I’ve worn sundresses to three funerals. No one batted an eyelid because they were all doing the same.

Wear the camel coat with a black or dark scarf (you can hang it round the collar) and black outfit. You'll take coat off inside anyway. It's outside that you'll need coat for, as is freezing out.

Not everyone can afford to buy a black smart coat. You have excuse as your black coat doesn't fit (if anyone asks- not that they will- reply 'just had a baby, smart black coat doesn't fit right now') All 500 people won't be wearing black. Camel is a subdued colour.

Of course you can.

Wear the coat with a dark scarf or something? Just so it looks like you've acknowledged its not black. There will be so many people there you won't be the only one I'd imagine.

At a very large funeral, the widow wore bright turquoise. She had nursed her husband devotedly for years and nobody thought any the less of her for the colour. I was the only woman in unrelieved black.

I'm in the wear what you have camp as well but if it really bothers you it might be worth having a quick scoot round the charity shops to find a coat. Or do you have a friend who could lend you one?

It’s winter and you need to wear ace arm coat! 500 other people won’t be wearing black coats!! I assume by what you’re saying you’ll probably be wearing black underneath anyway. I wouldn’t worry. Funerals are horrible cold ordeals and you’ll need to be warm.

If it is that formal and you may feel self conscious, in your shoes I would buy an inexpensive one from Primark to make do.

I’m surprised by the number of people who think this doesn’t matter. If the family request colour or to avoid black then that’s fine, but otherwise wearing black is the least you can do to show respect.

I totally understand that your black coat doesn’t fit, can you ring a friend or just go to a charity shop when they open at 9am? If you are in a city then maybe primark?

Could you put layers underneath and leave your coat in the car? If you are going to the graveside then I think a camel coat would be fine.

I wore a crea coat as it was all I had, I had nothing else, and took it off at very first opp. I didn’t wear it in the church. I had a blac leather jacket which seemed not respectful enough somehow. My cream one is smarter.

No one minded.

I went to a funeral this week. No one wore a black coat and no one cares. A smart black coat is really difficult to find anyway, as I found.

Your husband is being a dick IMO

Going back to your OP: yes you can wear it and take it off in the church. Just keep it next to you in the pew and wear everything else dark.

@TheSandgroper - hooray for informal funerals! No-one here bats an eyelid at funeral attire either, I couldn't stand all this having to wear black nonsense. Surely it is more important that the person made the effort to attend, not what they wear.

If it's a formal funeral then it is respectful to wear a dark coat. Can you layer up black underneath so you can leave the coat in the car? Or drown it in a large black pashmina?

Wear the camel coat. If anyone judges you that is there problem. Hardly anyone wears black to a funeral here (not the UK) - I can't believe how conservative you seem to be over there.

Different culture that's all, not conservative but old-fashioned respect if it's a formal funeral.

Churches are pretty cold at this time of year, so don't bank on being able to take your coat off.

I don't think wearing a coat that isn't black is disrespectful. I would just think that the wearer just didn't own a black coat, and new coats are expensive.

A lot of funerals now people don’t mind, but I also know that if it was a funeral of my of my older relatives (grand parents, great aunts / uncles) then it would be a more traditional expectation and it would be black / charcoal / navy

It's fine. It's a coat. Last funeral I went to was an elderly family friend. I wore black and grey and stood out as one of the few in those colours. No discussion of not wearing black on the information sent out, it just wasn't something happening.

If you were chief mourner I'd think you'd want black but your not nobody is going to be looking at you. So wear the carmal coat. Not everyone has a black coat to wear.

Put out a plea on FB/Whats App or whatever and ask your friends and acquaintances if you can borrow a coat. I'd gladly lend one of mine to someone in those circs even if I only knew them slighlty

It's a coat and not everyone will own a black coat.

This. It’s a winter funeral and people will be wearing coats. Of 500 people, some will already own black coats, some will buy one specially and some will turn up in what they already have.

I honestly think it’s fine. It’s a neutral colour (it’s not a yellow or hot pink coat) and your actual outfit is black. If there’s 500 people there then you won’t be the only person who isn’t dressed entirely in black I’m sure, and it seems a waste of money/resources to buy a coat you don’t want or need just for the sake of it being black. Add a black or dark scarf if you have one, but I really wouldn’t worry too much.

I’m sorry for your loss and I hope everything goes OK today.

I think so long as you're wearing a smart formal coat then it won't matter whether it's black or camel.

i really dont think black is necessary
simple smart clothes