Page 4 | Life passing me by every evening

Hottubtimemachine · 2022-01-18T20:24:04+00:00

I work long hours, mainly from home, in a stressful job but one that I generally enjoy. I’m well paid. However, I am wasting my life away as I’m so exhausted every evening I can barely move off the sofa. I finish work around 6/7 (start 7.30am), sometimes I carry on even later with my laptop on the sofa. All I have the energy for is a glass of wine and netflix. What a waste. I see people going to the theatre, the gym, out with friends. How do I break this cycle? I have one day off a week and I crash and barely get out of bed. So far..I’ve created a separate office I can shut the door on each evening and have knocked the wine on the head in the hope of more energy. I need to look at my working day so it doesn’t leave me so drained (for example there wasn’t a single break in my diary today from meetings from 8am- 5pm and then there’s all the actual work to do after that!) AIBU to want to have a life in the evening? How do I change things and break this cycle? Any tips?

hivemindneeded · 19/01/2022 18:12

@Hottubtimemachine

Thank you for the replies. My top 3 things are walking, being outdoors and seeing friends. I do them rarely. My diet is awful. I would like to have the time and energy to change this. I have a PA but also other people can book into my diary, there’s no consideration for the fact I need a break or to do actual work. Blocked off time just gets booked in to. I need to have another conversation don’t I…! I work long hours for all of the reasons you suggest *@YoBeaches*. It’s a senior leadership role so the work never ends and I’m working on having the right team around me (I’m new). I’m probably also a bit inefficient at times I think.

I'm baffled. If the open access diary means there's no consideration for you to need time to do the actual work, why don't you block of time in your diary and call it a meeting or call it project development etc, but make sure you ring fence enough time each day to do the work within work hours?

Beancounter1 · 19/01/2022 18:55

A couple of further thoughts:

At a senior management level, your job is to think, plan, and delegate. You don't 'do stuff' - you delegate it. Are you still trying to do tasks yourself that could be passed down? It is notoriously hard to let go and let a junior make mistakes.

During a meeting, are you saying 'I will do that' ? You should be saying 'Can you do that please John, by next Friday' or 'Sarah, can you take responsibility for this - speak with me later if you need help'.
Aim to leave every meeting with an absolute minimum of stuff added to your own to-do list, apart from dates for checking-in with other people near their deadlines.

Do you actually have people you can delegate to? You mention you are still getting the right team around you, so perhaps things will improve dramatically when you have recruited them. Have you ever heard of 'empire-building' ? Try a bit of that: get budget approval and get recruiting.

Jewel1968 · 19/01/2022 19:09

I also think as a senior leader you have a responsibility to be a role model to more junior staff. What would you say to one of your staff (e.g. your PA) if they said your working long hours meant they had to work long hours. Remember as a senior leader you cast a long shadow.

Block time in your diary (either fake meetings or breaks). Stop doing some stuff .you would be amazed how things sort themselves out without your intervention.

hayley037 · 19/01/2022 19:48

Whilst you're prepared to work for free (I assume your contract says 40ish or so hours a week but you're doing lots more) then your senior management will have no motivation to hire support for you - why would they if they see you're doing the extra hours.

You need to stand up for yourself and if needs be let the work slide and explain that deadlines will be pushed back 3-4 weeks if needs be because you don't have the capacity.

My manager works 50-60 hours a week and the assumption is that she enjoys working and sees it as more of a hobby so doesn't mind putting in the extra hours. Maybe those senior to you think that too.

Newcastleteapot · 19/01/2022 19:56

OMG life is too short for this! There will always be mountains of work. No need to flog yourself.

Book in 30mins at 10, an hour at lunch and 30 mins at 3pm and say to your PA that NO ONE is to book in meetings then, and if asked why say ‘senior management catch up’

And finish at 6.

Can you look into getting better at delegation?

Also if it’s video calls, get in the habit of having the video off sometimes so you can do some stretches at least.

No one else will put you first. So you have to

Original poster

Hottubtimemachine · 20/01/2022 20:32

Thank you for the replies I am going to have a good read through. I have a lot of changes to make and have made a start this last few days. Fundamentally I need more people around and beneath me so I can be strategic rather than literally doing everything.
It has been really helpful to hear from PAs, others in the same position and outside perspectives.

OP posts:

CelestiaNoctis · 20/01/2022 21:12

Who are you, Joe Biden? Why do you need so many meetings all day long and such hard work with only one day off. You must be paid an absolute fortune to make any of that worth it at all. Definitely make time for yourself, you can only work like that for so long before you completely give out. Sounds like a nervous breakdown waiting to happen.

Original poster

Hottubtimemachine · 20/01/2022 21:41

@CelestiaNoctis ‘Who are you, Joe Biden?’
😂😂😂 That made me chuckle

OP posts:

LimeSegment · 20/01/2022 21:45

You work a lot but I think to a certain extent you just have to start doing things, if that's what you want to do. Book something and on the day just get dressed and go. Often when you get home you feel exhausted and getting dressed you may think I'd rather be going to bed. But by the time you're on your way there you feel fine and enjoy yourself. It does take effort but it's worth it. Your friends that go to the theatre etc are making this effort too, they don't get there by magic and they probably feel tired too, we all do.

RagzRebooted · 20/01/2022 22:44

@LimeSegment

You work a lot but I think to a certain extent you just have to start doing things, if that's what you want to do. Book something and on the day just get dressed and go. Often when you get home you feel exhausted and getting dressed you may think I'd rather be going to bed. But by the time you're on your way there you feel fine and enjoy yourself. It does take effort but it's worth it. Your friends that go to the theatre etc are making this effort too, they don't get there by magic and they probably feel tired too, we all do.

This is really good advice. My job is nowhere near as full on as the OP, but I still just chill out/read/slob around on my phone in the evenings. I feel like I've earned a rest, so I end up doing nothing but resting and housework on my days odd.

On the rare occasion I have gone out, I did indeed feel like I'd rather put my pyjamas on than get dressed and go out, but always felt energised when I did.
I need to actually make plans though, rather than assume I'll be spontaneous. Because I won't.

schoolsoutforever · 20/01/2022 22:52

Sounds like a pretty full on job, if you as say you work 7.30-6.30. That's way more hours than seems reasonable. I would tell my manager I'm overworking. On the other hand, you are kind of describing full time work for me. I very rarely do much other that work +home+kidsorganisation+bed. So I suppose its normal!?

dahliaaa · 20/01/2022 23:14

Are you me OP ?
Really useful thread.

redandyellowbits · 26/01/2022 11:13

@LimeSegment

You work a lot but I think to a certain extent you just have to start doing things, if that's what you want to do. Book something and on the day just get dressed and go. Often when you get home you feel exhausted and getting dressed you may think I'd rather be going to bed. But by the time you're on your way there you feel fine and enjoy yourself. It does take effort but it's worth it. Your friends that go to the theatre etc are making this effort too, they don't get there by magic and they probably feel tired too, we all do.

This is great advice, thank you for posting it. On the back of this I booked an evening yoga class that I have been procrastinating about for ages, as I convinced myself I would be too tired/working/cleaning/need to relax with some TV in the evening.

It was great to get out and not spend the evening on the sofa

Original poster

Hottubtimemachine · 27/01/2022 21:14

@redandyellowbits @LimeSegment
I have had some fabulous advice on here, I already knew the principles of what needs to be done but it helped to get my thoughts in order. I took my family out for tea on the back of the advice to JFDI and it was brilliant!

OP posts: