...to think that cookware is a shit present

[Shitandhills]

37 weeks pregnant, really not enjoyed the whole thing and feeling crap. Partner got me two frying pans, a baking sheet and a bread knife for my birthday. If he was just clueless it wouldn't be so bad but two weeks ago I sent him a list of ideas including a pretty salad bowl and servers, massage/facial, lovely bottle of wine to drink after baby arrives, interesting chutneys, promise to buy me flowers once a month, a fresh fruit tart. But no. Cookware. Direct replacements of the stuff we have that are a bit knackered. No card. Hadn't booked the pub and it was shut when we arrived for lunch. Had to ask him to cook the dinner I'd planned myself (he actually said 'are you sure you can be bothered to cook, you look like you need a nap'), and he hadn't got any pudding in or a cake. Feeling hurt and fucked off. He had made a special trip to the kitchen shop to get them and they're good quality, but it's just so lacking in thought :( We're comfortably off so money wasn't an issue here.

Maybe I'm just being hormonal and over sensitive :(

Cookware is an awful present. I do like nice cookware but its a household expense not a birthday present. Take them back and get some of the things from your birthday list instead. Tell DH is would be like buying him a set of spanners for his birthday (though if this was my DH he'd love that ).

I'm a serious cook, I love cooking, and I bought my DP some decent knives for his birthday, and he bought me a very expensive Le Creuset griddle. However, in your case, your BF is both thoughtless and rather selfish, and I think you need to have a very serious come-to-Jesus talk with him.

And for those who think a frying pan and a decorative salad bowl are the same thing - I am sorry your personal bars are set so low,but it shouldn't be a race to the bottom.

@1forAll74 well aren't you a saint, you're right, I should definitely be grateful for him buying me a present i specifically said I didn't want and then making zero effort for the rest of my birthday despite me feeling like utter shit for 9 months to provide us with a second child.

@TheDogsMother it would be like me buying him a replacement food waste bin and spatula - the existing ones are a bit knackered and he is in charge of food waste. Or a recycling sorting device. Something that brings zero joy to his life.

@Ninkanink without wanting to sound brattish, I don't want buy myself a salad bowl now! I wanted him to make the effort to find something he knew I'd like and for it to be a surprise and something that I could proudly say 'yes, my partner got me that!' when somebody complimented it :(

Clearly from what you've said in your case it is a bit shite. But it isn't always. If it's something special and you really enjoy cooking or baking (i.e. are the kind of person who wants to spend a Saturday baking or making something incredibly complicated) then the right cookware is a good present. I got a left-handed bread knife for Valentine's Day last year, for me that was perfect.

[quote Shitandhills]@OneTimeThrowAway no I kicked off because I entertained the whole of his side of the family on Christmas eve and cooked a lovely lunch and three course evening meal etc and received a £3 shopping bag while he received a whole host of thoughtful gifts.[/quote]
To be fair the whole family sound a bit shit and thoughtless as far as you are concerned. And then lie about it to cover their arses by saying 'it was a misunderstanding '.

[quote Shitandhills]@Ninkanink without wanting to sound brattish, I don't want buy myself a salad bowl now! I wanted him to make the effort to find something he knew I'd like and for it to be a surprise and something that I could proudly say 'yes, my partner got me that!' when somebody complimented it :([/quote]
I know. I totally understand that and it’s not at all unreasonable of you to feel that way.

Buying it yourself won’t change things, it’s true, but at least you’d have a lovely bowl!

[quote Shitandhills]@TheDogsMother it would be like me buying him a replacement food waste bin and spatula - the existing ones are a bit knackered and he is in charge of food waste. Or a recycling sorting device. Something that brings zero joy to his life.[/quote]
Do this. On his next birthday definitely buy him exactly those things.

Yup buy him those things. Just because you are a mum dosn't mean you are also a domestic prop.

@ninkanink I'm hoping by July maybe he will have rectified the situation!

I think the title t yurt thread is a bit misleading. It’s about the whole birthday experience he gave you not just the gift.
All of it was rubbish and showed a real lack of thought
I would absolutely talk to him about it and make it clear that if it happens again you will have to reconsider the relationship. I would not be willing to put up with such disrespect for the rest of my life plus it is a horrible example for your children.

And I’d expect him to do something special for me now to make up for it.

Don’t accept, “ I didn’t know”. He’s an adult. He should know that its normal to make a fuss of someone on their birthday and make an effort

[quote Shitandhills]@TheDogsMother it would be like me buying him a replacement food waste bin and spatula - the existing ones are a bit knackered and he is in charge of food waste. Or a recycling sorting device. Something that brings zero joy to his life.[/quote]
Brilliant, that's his next gift sorted.
Don't think , just do this!

Honestly, you can give him a chance to rectify his mistake but... there's no excuse is there?

One of my pet peeves is men who have to be pushed to do thing.. r.e. mental load. It shoukd really be common sense