Should an 18 year old male living at home have a curfew?

[PolkaDot456]

DS has gone to a friends drinking tonight, was coming home at 11.30 but is still there (no concerns there). He's walking home as he thinks i will have gone to sleep, he was offered a lift if not too late but he kniws midnight is my cut off to stay awake to get him. I don't know if he's walking alone or with friends. I don't want to hound him which is why I haven't got much detail, the other friends are all still there too. His walk home is about a mile and I can't switch off to sleep worrying about him getting home safe and not knowing when that will be!

But on the other hand, I'd left home at 18 and would roll into my own house at all hours!

Really unsure how to tackle this one!

Round my way most out till whenever next day afternoon etc. From 16!

My son never had a curfew at this age, but he never did any drinking at all. He went out to various places with friends and came home quite late at times, but never had any problems at all.

Team no curfew here.

I have a ds same age and i never sleep well when he is out late
He doesn't have a curfew though as its my issue really
He does have to text though to keep me updated And I always ask him to text when he leaves to walk home which he does 99% of the time

It's hard at the start of them doing this but you will get used to it and not lie awake after a few weeks or months.
We have to let them be independent.

We expect a text if ds is staying out all night.

Not a curfew but I would want to know when he is expecting to be back, a text if that changes, how he is getting home or where he is staying. Same as I would expect from any adult when they are in my house.

No curfew and fgs a mile is nothing.
Time to let him get on with it mum.

No curfew on weekend, but I would have one during the week.

Even if he doesn't have a curfew, it doesn't mean that he shouldn't drop you a quick text to say he's going to be later than he thought. That is just big standard courtesy

• bog standard.

But 'big standard' works too
😂

Mine is 20 now and still at home.
I would like a ‘staying out’ text to let me know he’s safe if he chooses to stay out instead of heading home…though I rarely get one.
Other than that I don’t impose any restrictions on his movements…and certainly don’t go picking him up to save him walking a MILE. I’ve got my own shit to do.

Not a curfew but it would be nice to have an idea of when he’s coming home .
I lived with an elderly relative for a few months when I was 28 and I’d always let her know if I was coming home or staying out all night. It was out of respect and so she knew it was me opening the front door once she was in bed as opose to someone breaking in

This is how I explain it to my son.
I say, “It’s not a parent/child thing…it’s irrelevant who you’re living with. Be it parent, friend, girlfriend…if someone is expecting you home but you don’t show up, it is natural to be concerned. It’s simply good form to give that person the heads up so they aren’t.”

He’s better than he was but it’s yet to embed.

No curfew at that age but I did want to know if they weren’t coming home … a few times I’d wake up at 8am and find DDs bedroom empty which used to really piss me off. She’d not respond to any texts until about midday as she’d crashed on someone’s sofa …. I’d be imagining all sorts.

We did have lots of rows about that and at one point I said she’d have to move out if it continued. Thankfully she’s better now at 20.

@pictish exacta just it’s common courtesy of your sharing a house regardless of age.

No curfew but maybe he could send you a quick text to say he’s on his way home.

Years and years ago, before mobile phones, I used to pass a public phone box. We would ring home, let it ring three times and then ring off. That would be the signal to say we were walking home.

@BigSandyBalls2015

No curfew at that age but I did want to know if they weren’t coming home … a few times I’d wake up at 8am and find DDs bedroom empty which used to really piss me off. She’d not respond to any texts until about midday as she’d crashed on someone’s sofa …. I’d be imagining all sorts.

We did have lots of rows about that and at one point I said she’d have to move out if it continued. Thankfully she’s better now at 20.

Could have written that myself regarding ds. He’s getting there at 20. If not a heads up text I’ll get a next day apology text. “Forgot to say, sorry.” Hmmph.

No, not a curfew, but it’s reasonable within a family to let someone know if you are not coming home, it’s just a courtesy thing. 18yo DD’s 18yo BF has a seriously controlling mother and tbh even though he is lovely I have got the point of thinking he is a bit spineless as he always “has to check with mum “.

Tbh I dont think there should be a curfew however I watch a lot of true crime and would worry so would pick up DD. My parents picked me up all hours but they worked in criminal justice so maybe had same worries as I do. I would therefore want communication about how evening is progressing in terms of likely pick up time so I could grab a couple of hours sleep and get up to do pick up. Appreciate most wouldnt do that though - none of my friends' parents did.

I have a brilliant relationship with my eldest lad but it’s true to say that when it comes to being with the pals and out on adventures, mum is firmly out of sight and out of mind…unless he wants something. 🙄

Dd aged 19 is at university but when she comes home she doesn’t have a curfew. What we do say though is we like to go to bed at 11ish and if she wakes us up because she’s drunk or noisy or cooking stuff we will be annoyed. Otherwise she can do what she likes (we don’t mind her making toast or using the microwave late at night but once she decided to make a full on dinner at 2am which stunk the kitchen and house out and woke us all up)! So we have rules sort of but not about being home at a specific time. Thankfully she’s very good and sneaks in carefully! Obviously if she had a problem or needed us we’d leap out of bed and be there, whatever time.

No curfew but I understand your worry OP. Hope you are having a nice lie in!

No curfew here but DS keeps in touch if really late. I leave a small lamp on in the hall which doesn’t disturb my sleep, he switches off when he gets in. Stops me checking my phone or waking & lying awake wondering if he came in and I didn’t hear him, normally I don’t, he’s very respectful. Only completely relax when I turn over and I can’t see light other side of door!

No curfew. But I would expect any adult living in my house as a matter of courtesy to let me know when they will be back/or that they have decided to stay out longer /overnight etc. When I was first living with my now husband he went out with friends and didn't come home (no contact). It turned out he ended staying over with a friend but I was terrified something terrible had happened to him. Mine are younger teens now but I will be continuing to enforce that as a family we keep in touch so we know each other are safe. I would have no issue with an 18 year old deciding to stay out all night as long as they let me know. Sending a text message isn't hard (even if pissed!). If you are too drunk to send a text message I am right to worry about you!

Why are you even offering him a lift before midnight if he's only a mile away. That's a 15 min walk!