Young daughters - Boxing/karate/self-defence classes (for their safety)

[whatever1980]

Daughters are between 3 and 9. I don't want to scare them but I'm thinking that it is crucial they learn from a young age how to fight back and defend themselves?

I know males should be taught not to attack/kill but hasn't happened so far and I'm not convinced it will (or make a difference).

I also know it's not all men.

I have no self defence skills and it has stopped me doing early morning runs. I was in a wooded park alone a few years ago in the afternoon with my dog and there was a drunk man staggering towards me and (although I'd used the park daily even whilst heavily pregnant) I realised how vulnerable I was as there was no one else there. I sprinted out. I feel like it's my duty as a mother of daughters to equip them with these skills but I don't want to make them fearful of the world either. I wish this was on the curriculum too.

Do a bit of searching on the internet.

My local gym did a one-off mother & daughters self defence class. It was very good. They were completely open and honest about how IRL females could be easily overpowered by a man so focused on simple moves that would temporarily incapacitate a man which would then enable you to run away, and then timed us all for 3 seconds to see how far away we could run in that time.

We all had to individually go up to the boxing 'dummy' and practice what we had been taught - my 4"5 10 year old daughter battered it, whereas my pathetic attempt was shocking!

The class was strictly aimed at 10 years and above as there were parts that focused on what to do if you were attacked sexually (and the related vocabulary).

Dd has been doing karate for 7 years. She's 14 now and going for her black belt.
Fortunately she's 5ft 11 and built like a brick outhouse which I'd like to think would put a potential attacker off.
She also has a very loud voice and is not afraid to use it.
Dh snuck up on her once in the kitchen and she slammed him into a wall and nearly broke his wrist on the doorframe. He's 6ft 6 too.

@imsanehonest

Do a bit of searching on the internet.

My local gym did a one-off mother & daughters self defence class. It was very good. They were completely open and honest about how IRL females could be easily overpowered by a man so focused on simple moves that would temporarily incapacitate a man which would then enable you to run away, and then timed us all for 3 seconds to see how far away we could run in that time.

We all had to individually go up to the boxing 'dummy' and practice what we had been taught - my 4"5 10 year old daughter battered it, whereas my pathetic attempt was shocking!

The class was strictly aimed at 10 years and above as there were parts that focused on what to do if you were attacked sexually (and the related vocabulary).

Oh yeah - my 9 year old has one hell of a focus and left hook on her when she's doing pad drills! It's actually impressive (and terrifying) to see how focused she can get on it.

I spend a lot of time teaching my kids to trust their own instincts and listen to the voice that's in their head telling them "uh oh I don't like this" and they've seen me handle being followed by a road ragey driver and driving to the local police station to get the bugger to fuck off - and knew what I was doing and why and things like that as well. The kickboxing is just to give them a bit of confidence and a workout really (the youngest has very low muscle tone so anything that's going to support her developing that is good) and it's something they enjoy that's not body-obsessive like lots of activities marketed towards girls (dancing, cheerleading etc) can be.

Have we had the “my son is 8 and has been doing karate for a year and is a black belt” posts yet?

If you send her make sure you don’t send her to a belt factory mcDojo

I'd go for self defence-things like boxing follow rules, which an attacker wouldn't be following.

Statistically, majority of sexual assaults are committed by people known to the victim. I.e. boyfriends, husbands, friends, extended family members. So I think the most important thing to protect our children is to allow them to have appropriate authority over their own bodies (eg. They do have to brush their teeth whether they want to or not, but they don't have to hug great uncle jack if they feel uncomfortable). Also teach them to recognise/listen to their feelings of discomfort (both the voice in their head and the unsettled feelings in their body).

Having said that, self defence type activities are fantastic - associated with confidence, health, discipline and of course the ability to protect oneself. Absolutely a great idea.

Need to teach girls about spotting red flags early on in relationships having lots of self confidence and self worth to walk away from bad situations and not feeling like you have to be polite

Absolutely this. Teaching girls (and boys) that if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe they do not need to be polite is so important. Situational awareness and staying alert too.

Although it has its flaws, Gavin De Becker's book, The Gift of Fear, is excellent for helping those who feel uncomfortable not being polite when they feel unsafe overcome this, very good at explaining why you should trust your instincts.

Teaching children about personal safety is scary for them at first, in the long run though it makes them less scared, as it helps know how to deal with situations, and hopefully helps them get out of some situations before they progress into more serious territory.

My DDs and DS do a version of MMA which is taught for children, our local centre has a family class, so DH and I go too. Its a mix of Krav Maga and others, and as PPs have said teaches the children to yell too, and role plays situations. The fitness is very useful too, much easier to run from something if you have the fitness and stamina to do so.

Very dangerous to approach as “self defence”
Unless the girls become exceptional at it, it would not overcome the very natural physical disparity in strength between most men and women.

My uNcle was a police officer for 38 years

His advice and what I am teaching my daughter
Avoid situations where you could be vulnerable
If you do find yourself in a vulnerable position, ring home without any hesitation. Do not worry about mum or dad being cross. We promise that we will collect and no questions or recriminations at all.

And if ever does get physical - focus on screaming and shouting and drawing attention

Likewise for my son

My advice won’t be about self defence
It will be about walking away

I also think that modelling the behaviour you want your DC to display themselves is very helpful. I am usually very calm and quiet, but my DC have seen me loudly and firmly tell men to fuck off, when the situation has called for it. They have seen me be rude, seen me firmly telling men "no" and seen me speak up for myself, rather than being timid, meek or apologetic.

My eldest DD (16) once said that seeing me stand my ground helped her to know it was ok to say "no" when a man whose behaviour was making her wary asked to sit on the same park bench as her, despite all the other benches nearby being empty.
By contrast, I have taught DS not to do that and sit on a different bench instead, as it could come worry a woman on her own and he is aware of that.

I think the other thing that's critical is to combat the ' be kind' 'be polite' message constantly aimed at females. Girls ( and little boys) need to be clear that their personal safety and boundaries come first so it's fine to refuse to go with / sit beside / speak to a person they don't know where they're uncomfortable