Young daughters - Boxing/karate/self-defence classes (for their safety)

[whatever1980]

Daughters are between 3 and 9. I don't want to scare them but I'm thinking that it is crucial they learn from a young age how to fight back and defend themselves?

I know males should be taught not to attack/kill but hasn't happened so far and I'm not convinced it will (or make a difference).

I also know it's not all men.

I have no self defence skills and it has stopped me doing early morning runs. I was in a wooded park alone a few years ago in the afternoon with my dog and there was a drunk man staggering towards me and (although I'd used the park daily even whilst heavily pregnant) I realised how vulnerable I was as there was no one else there. I sprinted out. I feel like it's my duty as a mother of daughters to equip them with these skills but I don't want to make them fearful of the world either. I wish this was on the curriculum too.

When I'm running, I tend to see everyone else as a potential threat, so I'm at least alert. Then I go through my options:
Right in by the road. If I'm attacked, I'll get into the road and hope a car stops.
OK, I'm alone here, but I can see a couple further up.
I could probably knock him off his bike.
I've got enough puff left to run at this point.

I've been lucky though. The most frightened I've been was when 2 lads off bikes cycled too close and too slowly to me. I was worried they'd rob my phone.

Then the lorry that pulled over to my side of the road and waited until I got close before he opened the cabin door and jumped out. I ignored him and carried on running.

I never stop if men try to address me.

Interesting. How dangerous do you think women's boxing is for girls and young women?

DD did karate from age 7-20, up to 2nd Dan. It gave her poise and confidence that in itself was a defence. The only thing I would say is that it takes hard work and time. Real life training is not like Cobra Kai!
She did fight off 2 teenage boys at 16 that tried to grab her bag. 2 boys ran past her, Boy 1 grabbed her bag, got dumped on the floor ..boy 2 came back and then tried hitting her, he joined his friend on the floor...she then ran as fast as she could.

Even with great self defense skills a petite girl is still going to be overwhelmed by a big guy.

I agree with this, but we have also told DD (also 9) that at some point we will enrol her in some form of self defence class and it is non-negotiable. It will probably be boxing. I also take both DC running during the holidays and have explained why it's important to be able to run i.e. fitness and getting out of trouble.

My fantastic self defence (Krav Maga) instructor (who obviously recommends women learning self defence) is very clear that the most valuable tool for women being able to defend themselves is the ability to recognise the signs of a potentially dangerous situation and getting out of it before it ever gets to the point of having to physically defend themselves. Walking away from a situation is self defence. If you’re having to use the physical skills he teaches you- you’re already in serious trouble. He teaches assertiveness, self confidence, and we role play those little interactions were a man is doing nothing obviously threatening- things like a man moving past you and putting his hand on your lower back to “gently” move you out of his way- that he wouldn’t do to a man. He asks us all to offer scenarios we’ve been in were nothing happened but we felt threatened and then we’ll work through possible options for how to remove ourselves from that kind of situation. I’ve never had to use my physical self defence skills but the other stuff? I’ve had to use a lot.

Krav Maga ideally but any form of physical activity that develops physical confidence is great, especially for wee ones. Later on, Krav Maga for teens is fab. The Krav Maga instructor we used was ex military female and great role model. She made it very clear that the first priority is not getting into the situation in the first place and the second is getting away. Made the girls practice yelling loudly and told them not to walk about disabled by headphones so they couldn't hear what was happening around them etc. Frankly she was worth every penny we paid for the classes.

Sorry just read message above mine - almost identical. Another big fan krav

Do it for confidence & fitness but not be too confident if that makes sense.

The most important thing is to get away.

And teach them to be streetwise eg look up from their phone, look at surroundings, take a headphone out, put the phone away etc.

My 8 and 9 year old do kickboxing - mainly for the mindfulness, confidence and fitness element of it. It's a lot of fun and fitness for them and it really does calm DD1 down as well - the adults running it are absolutely hilarious.

Ours do a family oriented class so you could join in with them.

I'm a high grade in a martial art and an instructor - I can't recommend it enough for children, they learn so much more than self defence. They certainly can learn enough to escape situations and cause injury if necessary regardless of size but will also develop more situational awareness, faster reactions, quicker decision making for example.

I'm pretty small and once my husband crept up on me when I thought I was home alone and I threw him must of the way across the room and very nearly it the window. Another time my partner's friend asked me to take him down as he didn't think I possibly could. He still talks about how he was on the floor in seconds.

@LovelyMoans

I don't know.

Even with great self defense skills a petite girl is still going to be overwhelmed by a big guy.

I'd worry that it would give overconfidence in some situations, make someone think its ok to take a risk because they feel they can look after themselves iyswim. But maybe not, I dont know

The whole point of self defence classes is exactly that - getting the skills to escape from (not necessarily overwhelm) someone stronger. I’ve learnt brilliant techniques to use when e.g. someone puts their hands round your neck. You learn to do something painful enough to shock / disable them severely enough and for long enough for you to get away to safety.

You’re thinking of normal fighting, where a bigger stronger person has an advantage. In self defence you “fight” dirty. You learn to target eyes, nostrils etc and cause real pain, because you’re in a desperate, dangerous situation and this is no time to be nice.

I did self defence classes followed by karate, and I can recommend it. A lot of it is getting over that mental barrier of feeling helpless and the idea that we shouldn’t hurt people. The great thing about the classes, for me, was being paired with a man, so you practise on a man - practising with a woman is not the same at all.

My daughter (7) has been doing Kuk Sool Won for a year. It’s a good all-round discipline as it’s a blend of different Korean martial arts so encompasses everything from kicks and punches to throws and using weapons.

Her self-confidence and coordination have come on massively since she started and I think it’s massively helped by the fact that the lead instructor is a woman and the main group of black belts that assist with the classes are older teenage girls. I don’t think you can underestimate the power of a female teacher for a young girl in physical activities like this.

You can find an official Kuk Sool Won school here: www.kuksoolwon.com/site/schools/united-kingdom

Sorry for the overuse of “massively” there

I agree with other people.
At 5ft 3 and a size 6 DD will never be able to overpower or really fight off an attacker despite being a ted tag in Taekwando
He instructor told her to run and only fight if that’s not an option - but even then try and quickly get in an incapacitating blow so you can run.

@whatever1980

Daughters are between 3 and 9. I don't want to scare them but I'm thinking that it is crucial they learn from a young age how to fight back and defend themselves?

I know males should be taught not to attack/kill but hasn't happened so far and I'm not convinced it will (or make a difference).

I also know it's not all men.

I have no self defence skills and it has stopped me doing early morning runs. I was in a wooded park alone a few years ago in the afternoon with my dog and there was a drunk man staggering towards me and (although I'd used the park daily even whilst heavily pregnant) I realised how vulnerable I was as there was no one else there. I sprinted out. I feel like it's my duty as a mother of daughters to equip them with these skills but I don't want to make them fearful of the world either. I wish this was on the curriculum too.

Shouldn’t everyone be taught how to defend their self not just women?

Also everyone should be taught not to attack/murder surely?

I love martial arts, I have a black belt and definitely want my daughters to learn self defence, but as others have said in any situation my first response would be to try and run away

I think it's a fantastic idea. My kids started karate aged 3.5 and 5.5. It is fantastic for confidence, for situational awareness and also fitness. The leadership will also sit them down and talk to them about what to do if a situation occurs, and how to use their voice too. They also spar and love it!

However, if the academy had offered kickboxing to that age group at the time, that is the martial art they would have done. It is so much more adaptable to self defence. In the years they have been going, my husband and I have also joined and he has a black belt and I have a brown belt (a work in progress) in kickboxing. There are family friendly academies around, and the good ones will offer you a taster session or two to see if it's right for you. Our lessons vary week to week, sometimes fitness (I have NEVER been so fit), sometimes punching or kicking techniques, arm bars, wrist locks, break away techniques, even some grappling etc. All done in a supportive, family friendly way. Go for it.

You learn to target eyes, nostrils etc and cause real pain, because you’re in a desperate, dangerous situation and this is no time to be nice.

This is one thing my coach taught me from the start- you don’t need to be nice- be as rude as you need to be as early as you need to be- far better to be thought of as rude for telling someone to leave you alone/move away than to find yourself having to physically defend yourself. Being thought of as a rude woman is far safer than being in a physical fight with a man who wants to hurt you.

Me, my sister and my dad started Tae Kwon Do when I was 6 years old, and it is the best thing I ever did.

I achieved my black belt at 12 and has given me the confidence to feel able to know how to act and protect myself should something happen. I would highly highly recommend you look for some self defence based as apposed to boxing, I was taught how to act against knives, someone grabbing my hair, grabbing me from behind etc. practical things

Thanks everyone a lot of food for thought. As someone said - getting them involved in an activity which will keep them fit and give them confidence (and potentially help protect them) is a win win

I think it’s a great idea and both my granddaughter and grandson do martial arts, partially for this reason

For fun and fitness yes

For self defence? No

My dc box including dds its great strengh training/ cardio. I wouldn't suggest they rely on it but in a pinch it's a great idea to be able to throw a punch properly even give you a few seconds to get away.

A daughter of a work colleague was raped at school by another child, it's so, so awful. Going through court just now and she's attempted suicide. I will not be teaching my daughters to be nice I will be teaching them to yell fuck off in loud voices and carry rape alarms.

What an awful world we live in.

Self-defence lessons are far more important than swimming lessons for kids these days IMO.
Fitness/cardio workout, body confidence and ability to defend yourself and get to safety...you can't put a price on that.

In a very very small subset of situations it might be helpful. But mainly because she'll probably be taught to be aware of situations developing around her, and that the best things to do are make as much noise as humanly possible, run if that's an option, if not attack eyes, balls or knees and then run. Also, many people freeze when faced with a frightening situation, and some training might help to build confidence and training not to react that way. The actual moves are mostly useless the real world situation where someone is outweighed and outmuscled by an attacker.