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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Another bloody school play one, sorry.

75 replies

Eyesonstalks · 15/01/2022 17:33

DD's is Y3. There's been one big school play and one "class assembly" play every year she's been in school, so 8 plays altogether.

DD (generally a good kid, speaks loudly and clearly, really, really loves drama, does lots of it outside school for several nights a week and generally told by her external drama teachers that she is pretty good at it) has never once been given a part. I don't mean that she hasn't been Mary in the Nativity - I mean that despite auditioning, she's literally never been picked as anything, ever. Not so much as a donkey, or a sheep - absolutely zilch.

The same few kids do keep getting picked, inevitably (including the teacher's child, who also goes to drama club with DD). When DD was younger, she would still try really hard despite the disappointment, and would sit at the back of the stage, singing her heart out. Yesterday was this year's play and it almost broke my heart to see her so sad. She was on the verge of tears through the whole thing - it felt a bit like the light had gone out in her.

Would you say something to the school? We have historically talked about the fact that everyone gets a turn and it will surely be her turn another time, but she's not stupid - she can see that the other kids are getting chosen every time.

If I'm being totally honest, I am furious with them for being so cavalier with my little girl's feelings and crushing all her enthusiasm so casually, but it is also true that she is having a very rough time of things in school at the moment with some difficult friendships and we have been very worried, so perhaps that's colouring my view. It is also true that I have been awake almost every night this week worrying about her, so perhaps I am being irrational and need to be talked down...? It has felt for a while like DD is "the invisible child" for a range of reasons unconnected to the school play and I am just so sad that she is so sad and nobody at school seems to care.

OP posts:
Seashor · 15/01/2022 17:38

We aren’t allowed to mix for assemblies, play time, lunch time and home time at the moment so I’m very surprised that school plays are happening.

BorisBooster · 15/01/2022 17:40

Get over yourself please.

Mamette · 15/01/2022 17:43

You seem to live in a Covid free universe but that aside, yes I would speak to the school.

Flowersinamilkbottle · 15/01/2022 17:43

I would definitely speak to the school about all your concerns. In amongst the other worries I think it would be fine to drop in that your DD feels down because of never being chosen for a part in the school play and generally feeling invisible.

Eyesonstalks · 15/01/2022 17:44

Yes, to be honest, I was a bit surprised it went ahead too.

OP posts:
Hb12 · 15/01/2022 17:45

I would certainly mention it.

Lonecatwithkitten · 15/01/2022 17:47

My DD who is now in p et professional musical theatre training barely got a look in till the year 6 play. The only teacher who saw the spark was her dance teacher who continually told me from year 3 she was very talented.
Senior school was a totally different scenario main roles in whole school productions from year 7.
Primary school teachers have limited performing arts training so may not recognise the talent.

At senior school you will have drama teachers who will see it. Thought it was only once DD got a part on a National production that non- drama teachers really believed she had something,

MissyB1 · 15/01/2022 17:47

YANBU this is one of the reasons we moved ds out of his school to another, (private schools). Some schools have a culture of favouring certain kids or families, some kids won’t be bothered by that, some will lose confidence in themselves. We saw ds lose confidence and motivation. Since moving him we have been astonished at the positive changes in him.
You might not have the opportunity to move dd, but you can go in and talk to the teacher. Do it, don’t be embarrassed or feel like “that parent”. This is your kid and you are her advocate.

MeredithGreyishblue · 15/01/2022 17:47

There will be a reason for it. It might not be one you agree with though. She can't have had four horrible teachers colluding against her.
Have you asked the school? I know it's upsetting sometimes.

toomuchlaundry · 15/01/2022 17:48

Have the plays continued throughout the last 2 years?

MissyB1 · 15/01/2022 17:49

As for pp who was surprised at school plays going ahead, err.. why?
My ds is in a whole school musical, he goes to clubs which are mixed year groups etc..
people are going to restaurants, cafes, cinema, nightclubs. So why no school play??

RunningFromInsanity · 15/01/2022 17:51

@BorisBooster

Get over yourself please.
Yes just ignore the fact that your child is clearly unhappy instead of having a quick word with the school about maybe including other children next time.

I pity your children @BorisBooster , if you don’t stand up for them, who will?

DisforDarkChocolate · 15/01/2022 18:10

Be clear and calm, hopefully you can give examples of other children who have never been picked, and speak up.

Some schools are awful for this sort of thing and it's bloody hard for the children who get left out or have their contributions not valued.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 15/01/2022 18:10

Yes speak to the school.

As an adult, if she were auditioning for plays and not getting the roles she would be asking for feedback, so why not so the same?

Also DS has also been in performances since COVID started

BitterTits · 15/01/2022 18:12

Yes, definitely. My DS is a good kid but he never gets any recognition. Pissed me off.

toddybell · 15/01/2022 18:17

YANBU. If teachers can rotate 'star of the week' to make sure all the children are included, they can apply the same to picking children for plays. Everyone should get a chance to shine. I'd have a word.

DesdemonaDryEyes · 15/01/2022 18:18

I know exactly how you feel, except DD wasn’t chosen as the teacher didn’t like her. Same children every time, and we were playing for the bloody privilege. In Senior School she was the invisible child.

I’m still angry about it now, years later. And she says she hated the place.

waterrat · 15/01/2022 18:21

I'm very surprised that a play would happen at school at that age without children all getting a role. I have older children and a yesr 3 child and I have never seen a play that didn't include all children. Totally wrong and you should complain. I can't even understand it ...what do the other kids do when there are rehearsals ?

We have still got plays and performances at school it's just parent attendance that has not always happened in past 2 years.

Very wrong op and to be honest that would put me off the school !

SummerHouse · 15/01/2022 18:23

I would probably wait till the next parent teacher meeting and say that you know there is lots of kids to consider but this is her particular interest and it's knocked her confidence. Is there anything she can do to help her chances. Then slide a folded £20 note across the table and wink. Wink

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 15/01/2022 18:26

I'd contact the school and give examples of kids who have been picked for plays multiple times over the last years and ask why.

I'm very surprised. In our lower school every dc was involved and had at least a small part. And they did share the bigger parts out fairly.

Freddiefox · 15/01/2022 18:28

Yes definitely say something.it’s the same everywhere. It’s get for the children that get picked, builds there confidence, but for the ones that don’t get picked and who go for a part, it’s crushing.

ThreeLittleDots · 15/01/2022 18:32

Our DD's primary school's unspoken policy on Star of the Week was that it wouldn't be offered to those who were already successful and achieving. I wonder if something similar could be going on here?

Definitely worth an enquiring email anyway at least, it could be a simple oversight.

setthecontrols · 15/01/2022 18:34

I felt so sad reading about your daughter who sounds absolutely lovely.
Do go in and have a quiet word- it will definitely make a difference and she will get a chance next time round.Thanks

Bravenheart · 15/01/2022 18:45

Maybe she’s not as good as you think she is?

Monkeymilkshake · 15/01/2022 18:51

I would speak to your school. Even if nothing changes, your dd will know that you have her back!
Is she enjoying theater outside of school?
I hope the school listen to your concerns