Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate my neighbour so much, should I get counseling?

63 replies

TunaGuitar · 15/01/2022 12:57

We bought the dream house, worked hard on it. Respected the neighbours but over 15 years relations are very sour. - dogs, 'right to roam' roosters, blocked drive, rats from their chickens
We thought life had got better during Covid after one died but have just arrived home to find a large extension without planning being built on the boundary.
It's totally triggered me, I hate them with such a passion, it's ruining my weekend, my life, my home. It's all consuming. My heart is filled with hate.

What's the solution?

OP posts:
AtlasPine · 15/01/2022 12:59

You need to challenge the illegal extension. But honestly I’d move if the distress is that bad. Not worth the fight.

Rosebuud · 15/01/2022 13:05

If it’s genuinely illegal then you can speak to the council planners and have it dealt with, but if it’s this bad, I think you need to move.

CorrBlimeyGG · 15/01/2022 13:08

Hate is a completely disproportionate response.

Check the planning laws. You'd be surprised what is permitted without consent.

Blue4YOU · 15/01/2022 13:10

Rats from their chickens..? Right to roam roosters?
Dogs? Are most of the issues owing to their management of animals?
I don’t see how you can blame them for rats..
Have the rooster and chickens been on your property?
Do you have a hedge/wall/fence around your land?
Did you ever speak to them about whatever it is they are doing or not doing that’s upsetting you?
Counselling can only help, not hinder, so if you think it would help set it up.
What does your OH say about the neighbour?
Have you checked your local council’s website to make sure planning permission has not been sought or approved. Sometimes extensions do not need planning permission (under permitted development). If that’s the case (that it isn’t an illegal build) you have no choice but to endure the building.

pilates · 15/01/2022 13:11

Keep quiet and move. It’s not a healthy environment having arsehole neighbours.

I couldn’t stand my neighbours and moved. We are so happy now.

rrhuth · 15/01/2022 13:14

If the extension is genuinely illegal then you could approach the council.

I think it sounds like having someone to talk this through would be good.

I think most people would move - have you rejected this option for some reason?

Blue4YOU · 15/01/2022 13:14

And you refer to “arriving home…from where?
I mean it’s be hard to tell how large the extension is if work just started when you got home (from work? Yesterday?). Otherwise I’ll have their builders when they are done as building doesn’t happen that quickly…
Unless this is a second home OP?
Do you expect absolute silence from next door?
You’ve literally not explained what they have supposedly done wrong.
How many of “them” are there..?

noirchatsdeux · 15/01/2022 13:20

Are you in the UK? From your post I have a feeling you are not.

Jet888 · 15/01/2022 13:38

I feel your pain here. I think anyone who says you're overreacting or similar hasnt dealt with the emotional impact of lots of small actions over years and years.
We ended up moving from ours. Found out later 15 owners had lived in the property over 20 years and one of them had a breakdown. Awful neighbours can be crippling. Life is too short - move and be happy

Original poster
TunaGuitar · 15/01/2022 13:39

UK, have complained to planning. According to the internet it does need planning, fails all three permitted development tests and is out of scale.

We blamed the dead neighbour for a lot - the vicious dogs, his insistence on keeping hens and rooster next to our house without any rodent control.

The last couple of years have been calmer, thought we were building a more normal live and let Iive relationship but the new build with no warning is a total shock and dredged up 12 years of hurt and anxiety. Can I ever get past this? Will it fade ? Will I be in constant hate everytime I come home or look out the window and see their property?

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 15/01/2022 13:41

Move. It's not your dream house anymore.

WeAreTheHeroes · 15/01/2022 13:46

If you feel that strongly, move. But bear in mind you could have issues with any new neighbours too.

If the extension is near the boundary there are also potential party wall issues.

Gindrinker43 · 15/01/2022 13:49

I wonder if your expectations of a dream home is the problem. You want everything to be perfect and conform to your own needs. Would you be in the same situation if you move again. Will it then be tractors disturbing your evening or mud in the lane.
You may need to be more realistic.

tara66 · 15/01/2022 13:51

I know how you feel - a difficult situation when one studies other cases of NFH - like sometimes murder, violence and ruinous court cases occurring.

Adeleskirts · 15/01/2022 13:52

It doesn’t really sound like you’re in a healthy place right now, so getting. Proffessional help may well be part of the answer. You can’t continue to live someplace you hate, so the other part of the answer is to move. The reason moving won’t solve it, is because you can have bad neighbours where ever you go, or you may find something else to focus on that causes the same issues for you.

CorrBlimeyGG · 15/01/2022 13:55

a total shock and dredged up 12 years of hurt and anxiety.

Do you see how disproportionate your words are to what you describe?

maddening · 15/01/2022 13:56

If the development is not permitted then they will have a fight to keep it! How long were you away to miss an extension being built or is it in process of being built? Of so how far along is it?

maddening · 15/01/2022 13:56

Also, .diagram would be good.

Nonivknamesforcatapillars · 15/01/2022 13:57

Terrible neighbours are very annoying. Our old neighbours were truly awful, I’d say worse than yours sound. We moved as soon as we could afford to, which was actually many years later. He (male neighbour) is now in prison.

I don’t think they caused me the level of anxiety you describe though, they were just really infuriating. If they bother you so much then you should move. It’s not worth the stress.

TooBigForMyBoots · 15/01/2022 14:06

I don't know if counselling would help. Have you tried blasting Jungle music or Scat jazz at stupid hours of the morning? If that doesn't work, an RPG should do it.

Branleuse · 15/01/2022 14:09

Did you move rurally from a town?

Blue4YOU · 15/01/2022 14:23

What did the council say?

Isgooglebroken · 15/01/2022 14:28

@CorrBlimeyGG

a total shock and dredged up 12 years of hurt and anxiety.

Do you see how disproportionate your words are to what you describe?

You’ve obviously never lived next door to awful neighbours who have made you ill with stress and anxiety.

Op move. It’s the only way Sad

WonderfulYou · 15/01/2022 14:30

Your emotions do seem quite over the top but that could be as you’ve had lots of things happen so any small thing feels massive.

People are saying to move but from the examples you’ve given they’re not that bad and it’s mostly issues from their animals. If you move your new neighbours may also have animals but also have loud parties, be aggressive, argue all night etc.

I think your best bet is to get counselling and try and move on from the past - especially as it seems things are actually getting better.

Blue4YOU · 15/01/2022 14:41

I’m not sure why everyone supports the notion that the neighbours are/were awful. If they are then it’s very sad that you feel so upset about it and/or have to move.
As you haven’t actually said what they’ve done wrong (other than put the rooster near your side of the boundary which could be a nuisance but I’m pretty sure you’d hear the rooster wherever it was unless you both have enormous plots of land).
What was the issue with the dogs?
Could that be something to complain about?

Swipe left for the next trending thread