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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I hate my neighbour so much, should I get counseling?

63 replies

TunaGuitar · 15/01/2022 12:57

We bought the dream house, worked hard on it. Respected the neighbours but over 15 years relations are very sour. - dogs, 'right to roam' roosters, blocked drive, rats from their chickens
We thought life had got better during Covid after one died but have just arrived home to find a large extension without planning being built on the boundary.
It's totally triggered me, I hate them with such a passion, it's ruining my weekend, my life, my home. It's all consuming. My heart is filled with hate.

What's the solution?

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 15/01/2022 19:41

If you can’t move, grow some conifers/ screening whatever!

Crying11 · 21/02/2022 18:22

Move.
This is the only way to get out from the hellSad
Local council doesnt (or cannot) do anything.

longtompot · 21/02/2022 18:53

@Santahasjoinedww

Actually you have to be approved by your local council to keep chickens.
You don't, but you do need to check for any covenants on your deeds preventing you from having them. Our previous home we had chickens but we aren't allowed them here.
StorminaBcup · 21/02/2022 19:24

Counselling can help OP; CBT can be useful especially if it is impacting your mood, functioning and relationships. You just need to be aware that it won’t change the situation you are in, only how you think and feel about it.

MimosaSunrise · 21/02/2022 19:33

Everyone says move, but...

If you feel that strongly, move. But bear in mind you could have issues with any new neighbours too.

This is my fear. I was ok in previous places, save one bad experience in a student house, but my current neighbour situ is bad and I feel it has oversensitised me to the point I’ll be unhappy anywhere that has anybody not being silent 100% of the time.

I mention it, op, because I feel I’ve lost perspective, don’t know whether moving would be good or not and so have had counselling to try and resolve. Well, I’m still stuck over two years on and have spent a load of money.

UsernameInTheTown · 21/02/2022 19:34

Poison the animals and torch the extension.

Guineapigssweak · 21/02/2022 19:49

I moved last year due to vile neighbours. They drove me insane with anxiety and it was either move or have a breakdown. Now in a lovely village with a detached home and happy!! Just move you won't regret it.

lucillelarusso · 21/02/2022 19:54

Get a grip and either move or live and let live. I have a smallholding and in the last 10 years the 6 cottages edging our fields have all been bought by people who hate animal noise, hate animals in general and hate the county-side. One twat called the Police and waste their time attending an 'animal cruelty' which was actually my husband shearing out sheep. If you hate them, move. Stop being so dramatic and intolerant.

Dibbydoos · 21/02/2022 20:04

You don't need to confront them. Go to your planners and report the extension. Go to env health report the rats.

I'd plant leylandii on the boundary and let them do their thing; just keep them lower where the sun comes up if you can....!

SilenceOfThePrams · 21/02/2022 20:14

Roosters shouldn’t be free range at the moment - all poultry is supposed to be kept under cover against avian ‘flu.

What would I do?

Make one formal complaint to the council planning/buildings dept. about the extension. And one formal complaint to environmental health about the non-compliance with avian flu mitigation stuff.

And then I’d put a line under it.

Different people would no doubt do different things. But for me that would be my line. That would be enough for me to say “well, I tried.” Might make a difference, might not, but it would mean I knew I’d done something about it without it becoming all-consuming.

Why do you think the rest of your family aren’t so bothered by it? It’s not wrong that you are, and it’s not wrong that they aren’t. But maybe looking at some of their own thought processes might help you to change your own mindset?

Definitely get back to enjoying your own garden. Face the other way, plant some screening, sort your garden in the way which works best for you. Personally I’d rather spend the money on new plants than in counselling; they’d bring me pleasure whenever I saw them, and £50 a week or whatever the counselling would cost would bring me a lot of new loveliness in the garden.

But that’s me. I don’t think counselling is a bad plan, and I do think a decent counsellor ought to be able to help you put this into a bit more perspective. So why not give it a go? Speak to a couple, see what they think, go with whichever one you think would be best.

And get some sonic rat repellent plug ins.

2bazookas · 21/02/2022 20:42

call the local council Planning Dept right away and report the illegal building; they'll be made to take it down.

balalake · 21/02/2022 20:50

When contacting the Council make sure they act, follow the complaints process through and then involve the Local Government Ombudsman if they fail. If there are elections this year perhaps they may be more willing to act.

TheRealHousewife · 21/02/2022 20:52

Actually how you describe all the previous anxiety resurfacing sounds like you’ve developed some ptsd traits. I’d speak to a counsellor/gp and an estate agent. That’s not an healthy environment for anyone to live in.

Take care Flowers

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