To think some people are ‘enjoying’ the pandemic

[Flynnqwer]

I’ve noticed an attitude amongst some people where they’re nothing short of praying for a new, more lethal, variant.

I’ve noticed it amongst people I work with and people I do a hobby with. Any discussion about going back to our workplace (we can work from home but not easily or particularly effectively) once the Government ends the restrictions on waiting from home, or back to our hobby in real life instead of on Zoom (the hobby is controlled by a central board who are following the WFH advice until it is lifted) are met with cries of ‘No! We can’t do that! It’s dangerous!’ and it anyone points out that, thankfully, it looks like the vaccination programme is working and Omicron is less severe, they come back with ‘but what if there’s a more lethal strain that appears and kills millions?’

My workplace has one element which has legally got to be done in person. I have had emails today from managers begging us to cancel said work thing and do it online. We cannot do it on line lawfully (it’s along the lines of witnessing signatures). We have told them no, we must go into the building for an hour to fulfil this function. They are saying that that is breaking the working from home directive, that it’s unsafe, and what if a deadly variant is discovered? Then we’d have to find a way around the law.

AIBU that some people are actively hoping that the situation worsens and we are locked back down? Why would anyone want this to happen?

[quote Hrpuffnstuff1]@Flynnqwer
Erm,
Mrs hr might give you a clue, that I'm actually a man.

I didn't say, I or we have few friends, however as we age the world shrinks, obligations and responsibilities become real. Prioritizing within a 24hr timeframe becomes complex and for a period some people and even work or hobbies to an extent are pushed to the background. Other objectives take their place in the foreground.
I've had to sacrifice selfish personal goals for family life.

You have to remember that people have certain levels of ambition especially work-life-goals, these are not all compatible. In our busy schedule, there is little time for embracing others outside of our normal circle.
The pandemic has certainly forced people to be insular for a while, maybe there is an agreement that social acknowledgment is limited and in some cases hostile.[/quote]
Why are you telling me you’re a man? I don’t care.

@Kanaloa

I didn't say, I or we have few friends, however as we age the world shrinks

I think the exact opposite! As I’ve gotten older I’ve gathered new people from different places. I think you miss out on a lot by saying ‘I’ve had all my friends from being knee high’ etc, as if you don’t need anyone but who you’ve had all your life.

Like I said upthread if you’re happy with it then that’s okay, but it’s more the idea that anyone ever phoning you/knocking your door/saying hello in a shop is somehow violating you and is rude for daring to not understand that you’re far far too busy to possibly engage in normal social interaction.

Why does it bother you that some people choose to prioritize family and close friends over strangers and work colleagues?

My business is customer-facing, I visit new people every week, I foster these relationships because I want their business. I'm happy and confident in communicating and fostering new relationships with strangers. Although I wouldn't invite them to my wedding.

@Flynnqwer
It's been misquoted by me, it was meant for Peoplevswork.

Sorry for the confusion..............

@Hrpuffnstuff1

It doesn’t bother me. I’ve literally spelled that out in my last paragraph. It bothers me that some people act like normal human behaviour is somehow unacceptable and regular interaction is some huge and painful event akin to carrying someone up a mountain on your back while hand milking a goat to feed them on.

[quote Kanaloa]@Hrpuffnstuff1

It doesn’t bother me. I’ve literally spelled that out in my last paragraph. It bothers me that some people act like normal human behaviour is somehow unacceptable and regular interaction is some huge and painful event akin to carrying someone up a mountain on your back while hand milking a goat to feed them on.[/quote]
This with bells on.

I agree 100% with the suggestion upthread that there seem to be many people here who need to develop a life and identity for themselves outside of work, and stop begrudging those who have already done so.

It bothers me that some people act like normal human behaviour is somehow unacceptable and regular interaction is some huge and painful event akin to carrying someone up a mountain on your back while hand milking a goat to feed them on.

This sort of grotesque misrepresentation of what people have been saying here bothers me.

@mathanxiety

I agree 100% with the suggestion upthread that there seem to be many people here who need to develop a life and identity for themselves outside of work, and stop begrudging those who have already done so.

I agree 100% with the suggestion upthread that there seem to be many people here who need to develop a life and identity for themselves outside of the pandemic, and stop begrudging those who have already done so.

[quote thepeopleversuswork]@SantaClawsServiette

The last five years or so I've started to notice weird things like people being upset that someone came to their door unexpectedly, or posting on neighbourhood FB groups about someone walking around the neighbourhood. When I was growing up, friends and family used to sometimes drop over unexpectedly - that is gone in most communities, seen as an imposition.

Absolutely. It's everywhere on here. Someone posted that they considered it an imposition for someone within their own company to call them on the telephone without sending an email or a text first. People going to huge lengths to avoid having to chat to people outside of their household. It's really not normal.

And I think this point about having some sense of solidarity with fellow humans is being lost and its really sad as the ability to see others' perspectives is what helps create the social fabric.[/quote]

It's not that simple, is it?

My upbringing was in a big religious and ethnic community but yet, the norms were you don't just turn up to peoples homes- especially expecting a meal cooked/eating food in the house

I also love meeting new people and I'm open to chatting with anyone. Yet I don't like people calling me without checking first. Family yes, otherwise no. I've always hated phone calls though

There's an in between. Most people wouldn't like to be bothered at all hours: when their house is untidy, they're busy, working, stressed. Doesn't mean you're a hermit to not want to expel constant energy on people

@mathanxiety

It bothers me that some people act like normal human behaviour is somehow unacceptable and regular interaction is some huge and painful event akin to carrying someone up a mountain on your back while hand milking a goat to feed them on.

This sort of grotesque misrepresentation of what people have been saying here bothers me.

Yeah, also, why would anyone be actively bothered by that? It's their life, as long as they're happy with how it is, that's fine

@mathanxiety

I agree 100% with the suggestion upthread that there seem to be many people here who need to develop a life and identity for themselves outside of work, and stop begrudging those who have already done so.

Speaking of grotesque misrepresentations of what people have been saying…

@mathanxiety

I agree 100% with the suggestion upthread that there seem to be many people here who need to develop a life and identity for themselves outside of work, and stop begrudging those who have already done so.

They're upset because others don't want to play in their Wendy house.

Interestingly, I have found the most extreme forms of regarding others as intruders on your time and concentration were much more common a long time ago (as in 30 years or so ago). Perhaps because before modern technology, someone who wanted to interact with you had to come up and speak to you, or phone you up, and this couldn't be postponed to a convenient time as easily as responding to an e-mail or text. But these reactions to 'intruders' could be quite intimidating to anyone not extremely socially confident. I don't find nearly as much of it now - yes, not always being terribly available, or putting you off to a later time, but not actually scolding you or in some cases having near-tantrums for disturbing you at the wrong time. I myself really don't like people speaking to me if I'm doing something that requires any eye-hand co-ordination, but I don't think I actually shout at them for it!

They're upset because others don't want to play in their Wendy house.

Orrrrrr, might it just possibly be that some people find it quite isolating to go a whole working day without speaking to another living soul? Especially those who don’t have a partner and children at home (which I do myself)? That they probably do have friends and lives outside work, but would like someone to at least say hello to sometimes during the 40 hours a week sat alone staring at a screen?

Honestly I cannot fathom why some people find this so, so hard to understand. It’s not like multiple people haven’t said it, over and over again. What is the cognitive sticking point here? Is it that you personally don’t mind it, so can’t even mentally entertain the idea that some people might? Surely it is not that hard a concept to understand?

Or is it that you’ve got your own life sorted out nicely, and can only understand other peoples experiences as a potential threat to that, so must respond with this sneering talk about Wendy houses and making friends outside work?

@mathanxiety

I agree 100% with the suggestion upthread that there seem to be many people here who need to develop a life and identity for themselves outside of work, and stop begrudging those who have already done so.

Talking about misrepresentations... this has nothing to do with work.

It's to do with a mindset that says dictates that anyone outside of a small and hand-picked group of people you already know is a threat, and that any attempt to make human contact is a "violation".

They're upset because others don't want to play in their Wendy house.

Not sure why people go to gleeful meanness. Why would you feel better for doing that.

I don’t know anyone who wants the pandemic to continue but I know people who are totally paranoid about covid and still won’t do certain things like go back to work in person, meet indoors in a cafe, go on the tube etc.
Covid (and it’s restrictions) has f*cked up my teen DCs lives - afaic we need to get back to living our lives to keep our mental health intact.

I also love meeting new people and I'm open to chatting with anyone. Yet I don't like people calling me without checking first. Family yes, otherwise no. I've always hated phone calls though

This is exactly the type of thing. If someone isn’t related to you they have to check if they’re allowed to telephone you. It’s just very over the top - for me someone is checking if they can phone me when my phone rings. If they emailed me first to ask my permission to phone me I’d be perplexed.

@GoldenOmber

They're upset because others don't want to play in their Wendy house.

Orrrrrr, might it just possibly be that some people find it quite isolating to go a whole working day without speaking to another living soul? Especially those who don’t have a partner and children at home (which I do myself)? That they probably do have friends and lives outside work, but would like someone to at least say hello to sometimes during the 40 hours a week sat alone staring at a screen?

Honestly I cannot fathom why some people find this so, so hard to understand. It’s not like multiple people haven’t said it, over and over again. What is the cognitive sticking point here? Is it that you personally don’t mind it, so can’t even mentally entertain the idea that some people might? Surely it is not that hard a concept to understand?

Or is it that you’ve got your own life sorted out nicely, and can only understand other peoples experiences as a potential threat to that, so must respond with this sneering talk about Wendy houses and making friends outside work?

Are you implying everybody must go back to work so people have someone to talk to? Mandatory socialising. Listen folks you cannot save thousands on commutes or have family time or go on holiday because certain employees have no one to talk to or are in shit marriages. Considering what you are implying, should my wife invite her whole department to our wedding so as not to upset anyone.

I'm not sneering, however, sneering is saying, 'You have your life sorted living in your suburban leafy bubble', or words to that effect.

You know what they say 2's company 3's a crowd.

Are you implying everybody must go back to work so people have someone to talk to?
Mandatory socialising.

No. I am saying - and once again, I do not understand just why this is such a difficult idea - that the people saying "I would like to go back to the office because WFH is very lonely" are probably saying this because they would like to say hello to another person during their workdays.

Not because they have no lives outside work, 'want other people to play in their Wendy houses', need to get a life, bug their colleagues about Love Island or who's shagging who, or want to come to your wife's wedding. Not because they want other people to take part in 'mandatory socialisation' (?!). But because it can, indeed, be a bit lonely and isolating to not interact with anybody else for 40 hours a week. Really! That's it!

Just WHY is this such a baffling idea to you?

Listen folks you cannot save thousands on commutes or have family time or go on holiday because certain employees have no one to talk to or are in shit marriages.

Insults aside it’ll be up to the employer and what’s best for the business. For some it will be hybrid from now on (looks likely here). Others different.

@Kanaloa

The last five years or so I've started to notice weird things like people being upset that someone came to their door unexpectedly, or posting on neighbourhood FB groups about someone walking around the neighbourhood. When I was growing up, friends and family used to sometimes drop over unexpectedly - that is gone in most communities, seen as an imposition.

You see it all the time on here. People being absolutely furious that their mil popped in for a cup of tea without 7 working days notice, people angry that somebody phoned them without first checking by email if that was acceptable, people annoyed that their neighbours are trying to become friends with him.

But there’s no notion of give and take. These same people moan that people are selfish etc, but if mil can’t pop over for a cuppa then you can’t unexpectedly ask her to babysit. If your neighbours can’t have a chat over the fence they’re less likely to put your bins out while you’re away. If colleagues can’t call you and ask for help they’re unlikely to want to help you when you need them.

I’m really not a fan of the ‘my little family’ thing that’s so popular on mumsnet, and it totally wouldn’t work for me. If you’re happy only socialising with your husband and children then that’s one thing, but I think it’s a bit OTT to act like anybody contacting you at any time is somehow intruding on you and violating your human rights.

Neighbourhood FB pages and such are also terrible for it.

There is lots of research that connects lack of community engagement with all kinds of social ills. It's not about private friendships, it's about being integrated in a community. But fractured, atomic communities are less resilient, it tends to create political polarization, mistrust of others. It's a factor, for example, in the US in terms of their problems with firearms - social trust is so poor many Americans see other citizens as potential dangers rather than potential friends or allies.

And there is also a ton of research that say people today are deeply lonely compared to the past. This contributes to ill-heath, poor mental health, even generalized poor health outcomes, it makes radicalization more likely, people who fall through the cracks being missed, all kinds of things.

To give you one example, I have a former colleague who got really quite down and unhappy over WFH, because her job didn't involve much actual conversation or calls and because her caring commitments for a very ill partner meant she didn't have much time for after-work socialising. She'd always used the office as a break from her quite pressurised home life, but due to lockdowns that option changed, and she found that very lonely and isolating.

Can you guess why it might not have been a good idea to say "SO, are you implying you want to come to my WEDDING? God how pathetic" and put the phone down on her?

@ddl1

Interestingly, I have found the most extreme forms of regarding others as intruders on your time and concentration were much more common a long time ago (as in 30 years or so ago). Perhaps because before modern technology, someone who wanted to interact with you had to come up and speak to you, or phone you up, and this couldn't be postponed to a convenient time as easily as responding to an e-mail or text. But these reactions to 'intruders' could be quite intimidating to anyone not extremely socially confident. I don't find nearly as much of it now - yes, not always being terribly available, or putting you off to a later time, but not actually scolding you or in some cases having near-tantrums for disturbing you at the wrong time. I myself really don't like people speaking to me if I'm doing something that requires any eye-hand co-ordination, but I don't think I actually shout at them for it!

I think it is the case that we are in some ways expected to accept certain kinds of intrusions, particularly from work, that we wouldn't have in the past. Even from kids schools.

It may mean people are more inclined to push back elsewhere, since they can't tell their boss to FO.

Can you guess why it might not have been a good idea to say "SO, are you implying you want to come to my WEDDING? God how pathetic" and put the phone down on her?

This would simply never had happened because her application for permission to make a phone call to someone would have been rejected instantly.

In all seriousness I really don’t care if people want to lock themselves up at home/only socialise with people they met in the hospital at birth etc. But I do think it’s obvious that there’s a problem re normal everyday interaction. You do see it constantly on mumsnet, people furious and really upset over relatively normal everyday social skills.