To be fucking angry with a grapefruit?

[Distressed81]

Why are grapefruits so sadistic?

It is my day off. I have completed (almost) all of my endless list of shit that I need to get done and honestly, it's been a dick of a week, so thought I'd treat myself to an indulgent bath.
Tonnes of hot water, lovely Christmas bubble bath that smells like parma violets, no one needing a poo. Lovely...

Except, I'm a little peckish. For an ungodly reason I have a load of grapefruits in the house (misguided venture into a post-Christmas diet) so think that one of these might be a better snack than the entire multi-pack of Kinder Buenos I really want.

Now, I'm aware that eating grapefruit in the bath is a) a bit fucking weird and b) a bit rank.... But I'm a working mum of three and multitasking is habitual.

So I get in and manage to ignore whatever the fuck the neighbour is doing with his leaf blower... Bath good , bubbles good, conditioning hair mask good, grapefruit- surprisingly nice.

And then it starts. Slowly at first, like pins and needles... Until I am being stabbed by a thousand tiny swords and the pain is enough to make me want to run screaming naked down the road.

I'm guessing some of the grapefruit oil/juice got in the water (I ate it like a pig) and is now attacking me with all of its might

There is no sitting this one out and hoping it stops. It is relentless. I have given up, got out and am now sat in a towel staring mournfully at the beautiful bath filled with bubbles and pain.

Why???? I mean what the actual fuck!!
Self care and a relaxing bath are as rare as a Boris apology in my house and I am really fucking angry!! I literally am never alone or have time to anything nice for myself. Elderly (increasingly forgetful) parents and primary school dc's mean that sometimes l can go days without attacking my mane with a hairbrush- let alone slathering it in a really fucking expensive hair mask and lying in the bath dreaming of Tom Hardy in pants.

I'm not even allergic to grapefruits. Not even a little bit.

Therefore it is my conclusion that grapefruits are actually the devil and can fuck off.

Wankers.

Who the fuck thought grapefruit was a good idea sour things

Grapefruits are evil, sly little bastards. One squirted at me as a child when I was trying to extract its flesh - I suspect it was a particularly vicious revenge attack - and I've never forgotten the pain of grapefruit juice in the eye. IN THE EYE.

And they don't even taste very nice, all bitter and angry. Aren't you wishing you'd just eaten the Kinder Buenos now?

Well you know what this means don't you? It's the universe telling you to eat kinder Buenos.

Scuse the name change mid thread (if it has changed!) previous was a nc from a thread in which distressed is the correct term- where as now I'm just fucked off, itchy and wet.

Seriously considering cracking open the kinder Buenos and rubbing them all over my grapefruit afflicted body.

No more diets. No more of this self care bollocks... I'm all about record breakingly quick showers so that I have more time to stuff chocolate in my face.

Next time stick to the kinder bueno....

I put some grapefruit essential oil in my bath once and it pretty much burnt me all over my body, so I sympathise!

YABU for not just eating the Kinders, what were you thinking?

Grapefruits are the fruit of the devil.

Eat the Kinder Buenos. Any grapefruit should be extracted from a tin and a slice placed in a G&T.

Kinder Buenos would never treat you this way.

This is by far my favourite post I've read on MN.

As a gal who wears glasses I can say that grapefruits can take a one-way ticket straight to hell.

You can exact your revenge on the rest of the grapefruits by using them in a salad with mixed leaves, smoked salmon, olive oil, and a handful of black olives. Serve with crusty bread and a New Zealand sauvignon blanc.

Fucking grapefruits! They are the skunks of the fruit world. All innocent to look at, draws you in, but if you get sprayed by the evil fuckers…. holy shit you’re in for a world of pain.

Get the man from Del Monte round with a tin of the bastards. Then there is no oily peel and evil spray. He can fan you with a giant leaf whilst you bathe. He won’t be able to see you naked, he has grapefruit spray in his eyes so you’ll be safe.

Grapefuit wouldn't have even got a look in with Buenos in the house tbf so hats off to you!

For those using essential oils in a bath, always dilute first in a carrier oil such as Olive/Almond/Sunflower oil (1 tablespoon of carrier to 4-6 drops of essential oil) otherwise you'll get skin reactions such as OP's!!

Grapefruits have a lot of unresolved issues. All their lives they have wanted to be a stunt pineapple.

All their lives they have wanted to be a stunt pineapple.

They don't have the charisma for it. Pineapples are all sweet and delicious, whereas grapefruits can only vent their malicious envy on unsuspecting consumers of fruit.

Used my husbands tea tree and mint shower gel once

Felt like my fanny was singing.

Suffice to say that am neither relaxed or skinny

Two Kinder Buenos and 14 sideways glances at the bottle of merlot on the sideboard down...

Yes, sadly my lady foof did not escape feeling like it was being beaten to death with an angry hedgehog

YANBU, grapefruit should be banned in my opinion.

@PigeonLittle lol I made that mistake once too!

I’ve never understood the love for grapefruit. It smells ok in soap but it tasted utterly foul. Why would you want to eat pure mouth puckering sour

You have to avoid grapefruit if you're taking certain medications. I wonder if it's connected?

He much grapefruit juice did you get in the bath?!?!?

Because I'm a twat and read that if you ate loads of grapefruit, the gallon of wine and 14 packets of festive biscuits over Christmas would magically melt away from your (now very red) arse.

So today I have learnt that
a) this is unlikely to happen as I really like Kinder Buenos and wine
b) self care is only good for those who don't put themselves in mortal peril from oversized evil wankerfruits
c) I have absolutely no idea where my neighbour blows all of his leaves and why it takes him two fucking hours.

The only way to eat a grapefruit is cover the bastard in sugar, leave for several hours, add more sugar and then eat....at no point should it ever be used as a soap alternative in the bath, unless you want hives or your muff on fire 🔥 or possible both.