Why are grapefruits so sadistic?
It is my day off. I have completed (almost) all of my endless list of shit that I need to get done and honestly, it's been a dick of a week, so thought I'd treat myself to an indulgent bath.
Tonnes of hot water, lovely Christmas bubble bath that smells like parma violets, no one needing a poo. Lovely...
Except, I'm a little peckish. For an ungodly reason I have a load of grapefruits in the house (misguided venture into a post-Christmas diet) so think that one of these might be a better snack than the entire multi-pack of Kinder Buenos I really want.
Now, I'm aware that eating grapefruit in the bath is a) a bit fucking weird and b) a bit rank.... But I'm a working mum of three and multitasking is habitual.
So I get in and manage to ignore whatever the fuck the neighbour is doing with his leaf blower... Bath good , bubbles good, conditioning hair mask good, grapefruit- surprisingly nice.
And then it starts. Slowly at first, like pins and needles... Until I am being stabbed by a thousand tiny swords and the pain is enough to make me want to run screaming naked down the road.
I'm guessing some of the grapefruit oil/juice got in the water (I ate it like a pig) and is now attacking me with all of its might
There is no sitting this one out and hoping it stops. It is relentless. I have given up, got out and am now sat in a towel staring mournfully at the beautiful bath filled with bubbles and pain.
Why???? I mean what the actual fuck!!
Self care and a relaxing bath are as rare as a Boris apology in my house and I am really fucking angry!! I literally am never alone or have time to anything nice for myself. Elderly (increasingly forgetful) parents and primary school dc's mean that sometimes l can go days without attacking my mane with a hairbrush- let alone slathering it in a really fucking expensive hair mask and lying in the bath dreaming of Tom Hardy in pants.
I'm not even allergic to grapefruits. Not even a little bit.
Therefore it is my conclusion that grapefruits are actually the devil and can fuck off.
Wankers.