To be fucking angry with a grapefruit?

[Distressed81]

Why are grapefruits so sadistic?

It is my day off. I have completed (almost) all of my endless list of shit that I need to get done and honestly, it's been a dick of a week, so thought I'd treat myself to an indulgent bath.
Tonnes of hot water, lovely Christmas bubble bath that smells like parma violets, no one needing a poo. Lovely...

Except, I'm a little peckish. For an ungodly reason I have a load of grapefruits in the house (misguided venture into a post-Christmas diet) so think that one of these might be a better snack than the entire multi-pack of Kinder Buenos I really want.

Now, I'm aware that eating grapefruit in the bath is a) a bit fucking weird and b) a bit rank.... But I'm a working mum of three and multitasking is habitual.

So I get in and manage to ignore whatever the fuck the neighbour is doing with his leaf blower... Bath good , bubbles good, conditioning hair mask good, grapefruit- surprisingly nice.

And then it starts. Slowly at first, like pins and needles... Until I am being stabbed by a thousand tiny swords and the pain is enough to make me want to run screaming naked down the road.

I'm guessing some of the grapefruit oil/juice got in the water (I ate it like a pig) and is now attacking me with all of its might

There is no sitting this one out and hoping it stops. It is relentless. I have given up, got out and am now sat in a towel staring mournfully at the beautiful bath filled with bubbles and pain.

Why???? I mean what the actual fuck!!
Self care and a relaxing bath are as rare as a Boris apology in my house and I am really fucking angry!! I literally am never alone or have time to anything nice for myself. Elderly (increasingly forgetful) parents and primary school dc's mean that sometimes l can go days without attacking my mane with a hairbrush- let alone slathering it in a really fucking expensive hair mask and lying in the bath dreaming of Tom Hardy in pants.

I'm not even allergic to grapefruits. Not even a little bit.

Therefore it is my conclusion that grapefruits are actually the devil and can fuck off.

Wankers.

I bought an orange in Lidl a few weeks ago. Got it home, cut it into quarters looking forward to its juicy orangeness... only to discover it was a bastard grapefruit cunningly disguised a (massive) orange. It ruined my life.

my partner sits munching them like oranges even the smell of them makes me feel sick

Kinders would have been far kinder.

So to add to my self care shit fest, I've just done the school run with my hair looking like it has been spunked on. I did not wash the really fucking expensive hair treatment our properly as every splash of the shower felt like I was being slapped to the point of submission in a Brian Blessed themed sec dungeon (I imagine him as a man with the ultimate accolade in vigorous spanking- Flash Gordan era obviously).

Grapefruit does indeed ruin your life.

On a plus point if anyone would like the six- yes that's right SIX grapefruit I have loitering with intent in my kitchen, you're more than welcome to them.

Failing any takers, I'm going to sneak out under the cover of darkness, shove them up the pipe of my neighbour's leaf blower and hope they evil it to death.

Such a shit day that it would seem even sex dungeons are off the autocorrect menu.

Failing any takers, I'm going to sneak out under the cover of darkness, shove them up the pipe of my neighbour's leaf blower and hope they evil it to death.

You know the sneaky little buggers will induce him to point the blower at your house so that they can blast their toxicity over all your windows. They're obviously out to get you and won't give up easily.

Sorry for laughing at your discomfort.

But don’t hold it against the grapefruit! Get some grapefruit spoons, that way you can eat them at the table and avoid the scratchy horrid juice getting anywhere near your nether regions.

For the next 5-6 days, get up really early (HAHA yes I know...), to, hopefully, peace and quiet.

Coffee and croissant followed by grapefruit...you’ll be able to imagine you’re on holiday!

It has been decreed today that grapefruit shall never pass my lips ever again

Either set of them

Grapefruit has a sweaty note sometimes.

Particularly when invading your bumcrack

Whaatt I love pink grapefruit! When I was little my mum used to sprinkle a little sugar on the top so I guess I got used to it as now I dont need the sugar. I love grapefruit + gin too! Yummy!

Sneak out at night time and leave a grapefruit on random doorsteps. Then watch the local Facebook page explode with people not knowing WTF is going on.

For maximum fun, draw a little sad face with a Sharpie on the sour fuckers.

In fact, this could be a new trend! Perhaps send them all in a box to Boris?

Pink Grapefruit is lovely in gin (where do you live op? I have gin….)

Like this....?

For a woman who doesn't brush her hair, I seem to have way too much grapefruit related time on my hands...

I have no idea how this can have happened from a few drops of grapefruit diluted in gallons of bath water

I love grapefruit.

I don’t get it.

They’re not even remotely like grapes…

I have two different grapefruit shower gels, I love the smell so much, but I possibly wouldn’t bath in neat oil…

Ummm, are you sure it wasn't something else in the bath creating that reaction? I'd be careful next you use that bubble bath as well.
pink grapefruits are delicious

lolpics.com/memes/did-you-know-replacing-your-potato-chips-with-grapefruit-as-a-snack-you-can-lose-up-to-90-of-what-little-joy-you-still-have-left-in-your-life

Someone forwarded me the above meme - sorry it would not post as a picture! What bubble bath do you have that smells like Parma Violets by the way?

www.scentiments.shop/products/parma-violet-bubble-bath

This one, I got it for Christmas and genuinely does smell like you are bathing in musky sweet goodness.
And I've used it before for my annual 'will you all just FUCK OFF' boxing day bath and had no reaction.

I am genuinely flabbergasted that a fruit (no matter how cunty) could cause so much unwarranted pain...

I will however reference the fact that 'I ate it like a pig'

I was cramming it into my starving face like it was the lady food on earth

It went EVERYWHERE

I'm such a delight when left to my own devices

*last food on earth

I ate it like a ravenous loon.

#ChemicalDietCanSuckMyBalls

Honestly there is something else going on if grapefruit juice is causing such an extreme reaction, whether you ate it like a ravenous pig or not.

@Glindasparkletits

Like this....?

For a woman who doesn't brush her hair, I seem to have way too much grapefruit related time on my hands...

Have you got a sign on your wall that says 'tits'?

You must bathe in a thimble OP, if a few drops of grapefruit juice brought on such pain.