Friend at DD's birthday party

steph8877 · 2022-01-13T12:54:11+00:00

I recently held a birthday party for DD (age 9) at home with a few of her friends from school. Unwrapped presents, had games, food, music etc and all seemed to go well. One of her friends who attended bought her a present which I saw her unwrap at the time. Fast forward to bed time after the party I was tidying up and helping DD take presents to her room. Present from said friend was missing. Checked in case it had been accidently thrown in water waste bin but wasn't there. A few days later, my DD was at said friend's house and noticed it there (same item, complete with packaging intact). Didn't say/do anything as was too shocked and upset. Looks like friend gave the present to DD but then took it back straight away before leaving party. WWYD?

FabriqueBelgique · 13/01/2022 13:13

Talk to the mum and say you think their kid “accidentally” took the gift back and obviously your kid is upset and confused.. that’s all you can do really.

SlowBoiledFrog · 13/01/2022 13:16

Nothing. It's not worth it.

catchyjem · 13/01/2022 13:23

Buy your DD another of the same gift. And never invite the thief to your house again.

burnoutbabe · 13/01/2022 13:29

I'd assume they bought 2. Not that she is a thief!

Anyone could have stolen it

Original poster

steph8877 · 13/01/2022 13:34

The item had DD's initial on it. Friend's initial is different.

OP posts:

sweetcheekweak · 13/01/2022 13:36

Message the parents

A simple 'seems your DD/S took DDs gift back with them after the party, can I nip in later and bring it back?'

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 13/01/2022 13:36

How well do you know the mum? If their friendship is effectively over if this doesnt get resolved then you have nothing to lose by texting her, I'd still be wary of a direct accusation and I'd say it went missing and your daughter thought she may have seen it so just wanted to check there hadnt been a mix up

mammoon567 · 13/01/2022 13:38

Id message mum. Wouldn't be mad at the kid though, we don't know if it was stolen deliberately, whether she's going through tough stuff at home ect ect

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 13/01/2022 13:40

Just message the mum no accusations. In fact, say you think DD left it there when she was visiting and is upset so could the mum have a look for it.

Willome · 13/01/2022 13:41

I'd leave it. These sorts of things can cause upset going forward and it just isn't worth it. Her parents may realise at a later date and return the gift.

Branleuse · 13/01/2022 13:45

I wouldnt say anything. Your kid will probably say something to their friend themselves, but I wouldnt get involved at this stage.
What does your kid want to do

Ileflottante · 13/01/2022 13:55

The kid probably took it home because he/she wanted it. Kids so stupid shit. You’re going to have to suck it up and say something.

verytiredofbeingshoutedat · 13/01/2022 13:59

This is crazy that PPs are saying forget it or make up a story

Just message the parents and say 'Thankyou for the pressie of xyz with her initials XX for DDs birthday. We think friend may have accidentally taken it home with her as it disappeared after birthday party and DD saw same item with her initials XX on them at your house yesterday and was really confused. Could you please check for us? Thankyou"

If I was friends mum I would want to know that my DD was taking gifts back!!! And would go looking for it straight away and arrange to return it.
Maybe her child told her a story about it .

CrackerGal · 13/01/2022 14:00

@Ileflottante

The kid probably took it home because he/she wanted it. Kids so stupid shit. You’re going to have to suck it up and say something.

Yeah I'd absolutely get that if they were age 4 or 5, but at 9 they ought to have some impulse control unless there's an issue there with that (they possibly might have taken things they wanted before then). But a 9 year old would know they couldn't bring the gift they brought back for themselves. I'd text the mum, say your daughter was upset as her gift disappeared & she spotted it at her friends. Then let her deal with it.

Hemingwayzcatz · 13/01/2022 14:03

If you know the Mum I’d text her and explain what happened, I’m sure she’s completely unaware and will make her DD return it.

Beamur · 13/01/2022 14:04

I would leave out the bit about DD having seen it at the friends house. Just say thank you but that now you can't find it and wondered if it had been taken back by mistake. Leave the child some room to own up.
'm guessing it's a nice desirable item and maybe her impluse control didn't quite kick in enough...

MiddleClassProblem · 13/01/2022 14:06

I don’t know if I could say anything. It’s a present rather than something you’re owed and I’m a massive chicken.

Your DD must have really loved it though to be very upset so maybe say to the parents that your daughter loves it but you can’t find it and where could get a replacement? It’s unlikely that the other child could hide it from their parents forever, and it’s initialled. They will find out the truth and either return it if feel embarrassed and hide the truth.

I’d be careful accusing anyone, especially if it ends up as a he said/she said. Kids do socially unacceptable things of varying degrees for all sorts of reasons.

Ileflottante · 13/01/2022 14:08

Yeah I'd absolutely get that if they were age 4 or 5, but at 9 they ought to have some impulse control unless there's an issue there with that (they possibly might have taken things they wanted before then).
But a 9 year old would know they couldn't bring the gift they brought back for themselves.
I'd text the mum, say your daughter was upset as her gift disappeared & she spotted it at her friends.
Then let her deal with it

Oh they’d absolutely know they couldn’t take it back. But that doesn’t always stop them doing it. I can fully believe it if a nine year old, if they were miffed as it was something they’d like for themselves. Kids can be sneaky.

BliainNua · 13/01/2022 14:10

It's a tough one, I think I'd ask if she's seen it as you can't find it. Either way I wouldn't have that child back in my house.

teatime9999 · 13/01/2022 14:17

Do nothing about the incident, as it was just a silly gift and NBD. However, just in case she has sticky fingers, maybe never have her in your house again. Your daughter will understand why.

CrackerGal · 13/01/2022 14:18

@Ileflottante

Yeah I'd absolutely get that if they were age 4 or 5, but at 9 they ought to have some impulse control unless there's an issue there with that (they possibly might have taken things they wanted before then). But a 9 year old would know they couldn't bring the gift they brought back for themselves. I'd text the mum, say your daughter was upset as her gift disappeared & she spotted it at her friends. Then let her deal with it

Oh they’d absolutely know they couldn’t take it back. But that doesn’t always stop them doing it. I can fully believe it if a nine year old, if they were miffed as it was something they’d like for themselves. Kids can be sneaky.

Yes you're right I hadn't thought of it that way. OP how do the girls get on? Could it be possible this friend was being unkind to your daughter or was jealous & wanted to hurt her? How do they get on usually?

ittakes2 · 13/01/2022 14:37

This has red flags all over it for me that unfort if you do something about it your daughter is going to end up worse for wear through no fault of her own. It is my experience that the mother/daughter will feel embarassed if you contact them - as others have said a 9 year old knows what they are doing - and will likely speak ill of your daughter to act as if she was somehow at fault ie lying about seeing it at her friend's house. So I would encourage my daughter to spend more time with children with a better moral compass and buy her the gift myself if she is upset about not having it. Unless you are standing in the other mum's house - pointing to the gift questioning it - the other family will somehow discredit you/your daughter.

piney07 · 13/01/2022 14:44

@ittakes2

This has red flags all over it for me that unfort if you do something about it your daughter is going to end up worse for wear through no fault of her own. It is my experience that the mother/daughter will feel embarassed if you contact them - as others have said a 9 year old knows what they are doing - and will likely speak ill of your daughter to act as if she was somehow at fault ie lying about seeing it at her friend's house. So I would encourage my daughter to spend more time with children with a better moral compass and buy her the gift myself if she is upset about not having it. Unless you are standing in the other mum's house - pointing to the gift questioning it - the other family will somehow discredit you/your daughter.

Totally agree. At the end of the day it’s a gift they gave rather than the child stealing something of yours or a gift another child gave your DD. Just tell your DD that that’s very strange behaviour to take back a gift but I don’t really think it’s worth saying anything.

If you were close enough to the mother where mentioning it wouldn’t be awkward then you would have just called her up rather than asking MN.

purplecorkheart · 13/01/2022 14:49

I am not sure that I would mention seeing it at the friends house.
I would just stay that the gift went missing after it was opened and that your daughter really loved it and you would like to get a replacement as she is so upset. The fact that the other girl did not have it hidden when your daughter visited would make me thing there is a chance they bought two (or it was buy one, get one free) regardless of the initials.

Valeriekat · 13/01/2022 14:49

She stole it!
I don't understand how people can think it is acceptable to not say anything to her parents. She knows that your daughter knows.
You have to say something to her Mum.