Friend at DD's birthday party

[steph8877]

I recently held a birthday party for DD (age 9) at home with a few of her friends from school. Unwrapped presents, had games, food, music etc and all seemed to go well.
One of her friends who attended bought her a present which I saw her unwrap at the time. Fast forward to bed time after the party I was tidying up and helping DD take presents to her room. Present from said friend was missing. Checked in case it had been accidently thrown in water waste bin but wasn't there.
A few days later, my DD was at said friend's house and noticed it there (same item, complete with packaging intact). Didn't say/do anything as was too shocked and upset.
Looks like friend gave the present to DD but then took it back straight away before leaving party. WWYD?

Nine year old kids.

Just leave it.

If your daughter really wants the gift, text saying " Hi, Milly loved Molly's present when she opened it but couldn't find it when she was looking at her presents after everyone had gone and we have looked everywhere. Hope you don't mind my asking in case one of children has accidentally taken it home with their party bags. Thanks"
She won't know that you haven't sent all the parents the same message.

Not sure what I'd do in this situation, apart from be really annoyed the parents must've noticed surely? However, next time she has a party get her to open the presents after the party. Solves this issue and also the issue of who got her bigger presents etc.

Surely her mum has noticed the present is at her house by now?
Tbh, I’d tell my dd it is really odd behaviour, and to be wary in future. Couldn’t be bothered to say anything though.

If I was friends mum I would want to know that my DD was taking gifts back!!! And would go looking for it straight away and arrange to return it.

This. As a parent I would really, really want to know if my child was behaving like this.

Totally depends on how well you know the parents
I’d you know them well tell them
If you don’t , the stress could be enormous and isn’t worth it for a small toy

Some kids do this , and it’s totally embarrassing but it’s common

Do nothing is my advice

Surely if you DD has seen it the mum will too?

Do nothing.

Do nothing? Fuck that.

It’s a gift that was personalised with DDs initial.

Absolutely tell the parents, no waffle no lying - DDs gift from X has been missing since the end of her party, and she saw it in Xs bedroom.

I would call the mum and say that you’ll be over in 10 minutes to pick up dd’s gift that she left there last time she was over to play. No need to elaborate. If mum pushes, you can say that the last time your dd saw it, it was unopened and in her childs room. If mum questions further, tell her you are not sure of the details and she should ask her dd. All the truth.

Definitely text her mum! It’s a poor lesson to let a child get away with this and it will encourage her to do it again. Don’t make your text accusatory but make it clear.

As said above, you don’t know if the mum has seen the present, and even if she has you don’t know what possible lies the other child has told her to explain why she has the present. She could be making your DD look bad.

Just message the parents and say 'Thankyou for the pressie of xyz with her initials XX for DDs birthday. We think friend may have accidentally taken it home with her as it disappeared after birthday party and DD saw same item with her initials XX on them at your house yesterday and was really confused. Could you please check for us? Thankyou"

I’d do something like this, and would definitely include the work “accident” which seems to mollify. If I was the girl’s parent I’d want to know! The parents had bought the gift for Dd after all.

9 is old enough to have some impulse control I agree, but also young enough that they frequently do pretty silly things, and don’t always master their feelings very well. I know some of ds’s friends did some silly things aged 9 they wouldn’t now do at 13! And I’m sure that when they are 17 I’ll be thinking, “gosh how much younger they seemed at 13!”

Did you resolve this?