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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed with my sister

64 replies

ThirdTimeIucky · 12/01/2022 22:02

We were at a family party recently, and my cousin's friend was there. He was lovely and we got on really well, chatted and had quite a lot in common. It was lovely to have a man to talk to, it doesn't often happen as a single Mum.

I had to go and sort my daughter out, and by the time I returned to the party my little sister had well and truly got her claws in, and that was it for the weekend. She barely left him alone. It was so obvious to everyone. She was flirting outrageously.

I'm pissed off for two reasons. The first is that she is in a relationship with someone, and they are talking about buying a house, so it's pretty serious. I feel like she put us in a really awkward position as a family. I have no idea if she told this guy she was in a relationship. As a family we disapprove massively, but she had a huge drunk meltdown at the end of the weekend, and as a result nobody said anything to her about her behaviour with this guy evacsue we were all trying to pick up the pieces of what happened at the end of the weekend.

And secondly I'm so annoyed at her for monopolising this guy. I've been single for nearly two years, and as a single Mum, get very little opportunity to speak to anyone let alone attractive, interesting single men. We seemed to get on well.

When I was with my ex, she was awful if ever we went out and I got chatting to any guys. She'd pull me away and be quite accusatory, and call me naive, saying I didn't know what blokes were like, and that they all wanted the same thing. I'm a naturally chatty person and will happily strike up a conversation with anyone. But just a chat, cheating was never on my mind.

She knows how hard the past few years have been for me, and I honestly just thought the whole things was utterly outrageous and selfish. She obviously fancied this guy, that was clear from a million miles, but am I being unreasonable to be totally pissed off at her behaviour?

OP posts:
TallyHoMyLittlePeachMuffin · 12/01/2022 22:15

He's not a toy that you don't want to share. He is an adult who is free to talk to who he wants
If he is interested then I'm sure he'll find a way to let you know

mdh2020 · 12/01/2022 22:27

I’m sorry but if he had wanted to talk to you he would have found a way to do so, or would have at least managed to give you his phone number.

Kite22 · 12/01/2022 22:30

What both pps have said.

TigerLionZebra · 12/01/2022 22:30

I agree with pp. You don't own this guy. If he was genuinely interested in you he would have found a way to speak to you further and given you his number.

TigerLionZebra · 12/01/2022 22:31

And, making you a single parent doesn't give you cart blanche over any male that comes along..

PinchOfVom · 12/01/2022 22:33

You both sound really juvenile

Last time I scrapped with my sister over a fella I was about 15 and drunk 😂

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 12/01/2022 22:37

Your DSis doesn't sound very kind. Can you ask your cousin for her friend's contact details?

MichelleScarn · 12/01/2022 22:39

That is a really horrible way to talk about your sister. So when its you talking to a gut its I'm a naturally chatty person and will happily strike up a conversation with anyone. But when she's having this type of conversation it's the party my little sister had well and truly got her claws in,

That's dreadful she had him bound and gagged so he couldn't get away from her at all for the whole weekend, poor chap, but how lovely you've rallied the rest of your family in disapproval and judgement of your sister! Lovely times!

GoatInCaptivity · 12/01/2022 22:40

Well she doesn't come out of it looking great - drunken meltdowns and massive fitting when in a relationship, but you don't get "first dibs" on another person.

Upshot is if he really liked you, he'd have found a way to disengage from your sisters attentions as they'd been unwanted.

I am sympathetic to a degree, in the sense she behaved badly but you can't assume anything would have blossomed between you and this guy even if she'd have behaved differently.

Frankly I think you need to let this go for your own sanity.

Travis1 · 12/01/2022 22:44

Wtf?!? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Marlena1 · 12/01/2022 22:44

I'm with you OP, I'd have been annoyed. I have a friend who always used to do this when we were younger. I know you don't own him etc but you were talking to him and having a nice time. I probably wouldn't have said anything but I would have been thinking "back off bi atch".

rocky1914 · 12/01/2022 22:53

What pp's have said. He is a grown man who is free to talk to anyone he wants. Tbh you both sound extremely juvenile and judgemental of one another. Additionally, being a single mum doesn't mean that you should take priority over other women when it comes to men. Lastly, as another pp said, if he wanted to talk to you outside of the party, he would have asked for your number. End of.

notaclownfish · 12/01/2022 22:55

"Got her claws in" - wtf?

GoatInCaptivity · 12/01/2022 23:05

I think some comments here are a bit harsh (but in honesty have been invited by some comments in your opening post).

I can understand why you are annoyed in comparison to some posters though.

Maybe because (like a pp) I've been in the orbit of someone like this who'd target/monopolise any available man (regardless of their relationship status) and it was uncomfortable to watch even if it never personally impacted me.

Upshot was they were just desperate for male attention/validation and enjoyed being the "most attractive" woman in the room and "winning" a game most other people weren't even playing.

You do mention your sisters reaction to you chatting with men when in a relationship. Was she single then?

Have you thought she might have felt like you do now? Giving you a taste of your own medicine?

Regardless, as per my pp you need to let this go and accept that if this guy really wanted to spend time with you, he'd have found a way to escape your sisters "claws".

Sally872 · 12/01/2022 23:11

I would not flirt with someone my sister/friend/colleague may be interested in.

I would not behave like your sister did with someone when in a relationship

I would be happy for my sister to be enjoying herself and not get in the way of that.

Of course he is not your property but your sister sounds like a nightmare. My sister would never behave like that and vice versa.

Sally872 · 12/01/2022 23:13

Upshot was they were just desperate for male attention/validation and enjoyed being the "most attractive" woman in the room and "winning" a game most other people weren't even playing

I think this description by pp sounds like your sisters type.

Lemoncurds · 13/01/2022 00:10

Yeah she sounds insecure and for whatever reason feels she needs to be the one getting the most male attention.

Aprilx · 13/01/2022 02:26

Nobody allows themselves to be monopolised by a stranger for a weekend, if he didn’t shake her off it is because he didn’t feel inclined to. Sorry it didn’t pan out ad you had hoped,, but don’t fall out with your sister over a man you don’t even know.

wishtotravel · 13/01/2022 06:05

To be honest, your reasoning strikes me as odd, but maybe that is down to my own interpretation. In my experience, when two people get together, they tend to both want to , and therefore meet in the middle. Not one person "fighting off" a competitor! You are cross that your sister began chatting to a man at a party, that you had been talking to previously? You saw him as a potential partner, and as a single mum, you feel that you are owed a leg up on the "finding a new man" ladder?
It's as if you are comparing this chance of conversation with a man to eating all of a particular cake at a buffet. -I went to sort my daughter out and when I got back my sister had taken all the chocolate cake, and she knows that I haven't been able to have chocolate cake for ages, and now who knows when I'll get a chance to eat it again!
He's a person, if he wanted to he'd find a way to get in touch, and would also have ditched talking to your sister if he didn't enjoy the conversation.

VolvicHenry · 13/01/2022 06:15

Alternatively "I was talking to what seemed to be a nice man but then he ditched me and spent all weekend with my sister".

I can sense that you're annoyed with your sister about everything else she's apparently done over the weekend. I can also sense that there is a backstory of jealousy between you over male attention. But like others have said, if he was interested, he would have made the effort.

YourenutsmiLord · 13/01/2022 06:19

I would ask for his details from cousin and contact him and ask if he wants to go out for a drink sometime.
Then let him decide - he's possibly in a relationship anyway.
Pointless fuming if you don't know if it would have gone anywhere.

girlmom21 · 13/01/2022 06:20

You're clearly upset that the man chose to spend more time with your sister rather than you. If this was over the space of a whole weekend you could've, at some point, pulled her to one side and said "I like this guy - could you back off a bit" or addressed her behaviour? Why did it need to wait until the dramatic end to the weekend?

EishetChayil · 13/01/2022 06:29

In future, start chatting to some random guy you're not actually interested in. Then your sister will zone in on him, leaving you to talk to the guy you actually like. Outwit her.

BatshitBanshee · 13/01/2022 06:42

YANBU. I've been around people like your sister, and like a PP said they swoop in on any man talking to another woman - even platonically - because that attention validates them. It's desperate and very uncomfortable to watch. I would be annoyed too - but I'd pity her more than anything. About to buy a house with her partner and here she is making a show of herself to her family for a man your cousin brought just because your sister was talking to him. It isn't about what he did or didn't do, you have no loyalty or relationship with him, it's about what your sister did do to spite you or one up you. She has no loyalty to you.

KTheGrey · 13/01/2022 06:44

Your sister sounds like a nightmare.

I would give her a wide berth whenever possible, block on social.media and Facebook the cousin's friend.

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