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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with my sister

64 replies

ThirdTimeIucky · 12/01/2022 22:02

We were at a family party recently, and my cousin's friend was there. He was lovely and we got on really well, chatted and had quite a lot in common. It was lovely to have a man to talk to, it doesn't often happen as a single Mum.

I had to go and sort my daughter out, and by the time I returned to the party my little sister had well and truly got her claws in, and that was it for the weekend. She barely left him alone. It was so obvious to everyone. She was flirting outrageously.

I'm pissed off for two reasons. The first is that she is in a relationship with someone, and they are talking about buying a house, so it's pretty serious. I feel like she put us in a really awkward position as a family. I have no idea if she told this guy she was in a relationship. As a family we disapprove massively, but she had a huge drunk meltdown at the end of the weekend, and as a result nobody said anything to her about her behaviour with this guy evacsue we were all trying to pick up the pieces of what happened at the end of the weekend.

And secondly I'm so annoyed at her for monopolising this guy. I've been single for nearly two years, and as a single Mum, get very little opportunity to speak to anyone let alone attractive, interesting single men. We seemed to get on well.

When I was with my ex, she was awful if ever we went out and I got chatting to any guys. She'd pull me away and be quite accusatory, and call me naive, saying I didn't know what blokes were like, and that they all wanted the same thing. I'm a naturally chatty person and will happily strike up a conversation with anyone. But just a chat, cheating was never on my mind.

She knows how hard the past few years have been for me, and I honestly just thought the whole things was utterly outrageous and selfish. She obviously fancied this guy, that was clear from a million miles, but am I being unreasonable to be totally pissed off at her behaviour?

OP posts:

AlDanvers · 13/01/2022 06:47

You say you don't know if she to him she was in a relationship. So she might have done.

But she didn't 'get her claws' into him. They spent much of the weekend together.

Nor do you get dibs because you got there first or are a single parent.

She sounds like an arse. But to be honest your view of this doesn't make you sound great either.

He spent the weekend talking to her because he wanted to. Maybe he felt you were a bit too full on and thought spending the weekend talking to your sister would put you off. Maybe he found d her more interesting. Maybe he is an arse who wasn't bothered really about either of you.

But I am going to guess the problem between you and your sister is at least 50% your fault.

cauliflowersqueeze · 13/01/2022 06:48

Yes I think your sister sounds like a bit of a cow. But what can you do?

TwoAndCooPlease · 13/01/2022 06:49

Was her partner there? What did he have to say about it?

Justleaveitblankthen · 13/01/2022 07:44

None of us know what the sister was even saying to him.

Some people are so insecure and jealous that they will quickly have dropped hints or downright lies to put the guy off the OP.
I wouldn't rule that out.

That's what I remember from my schooldays anyway 😁

LagunaBubbles · 13/01/2022 07:51

And secondly I'm so annoyed at her for monopolising this guy

So you're not annoyed at him for letting himself be "monopolised"? She sounds juvenile and petty but why is it her fault he didn't come back to talk to you?

BooksAndGin · 13/01/2022 07:57

YABU. If he wanted to talk to you and spend time with you, he would of done so and made excuses to your sister. He's not some kind of toy.
Move on op.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 13/01/2022 08:03

@MichelleScarn

That is a really horrible way to talk about your sister. So when its you talking to a gut its I'm a naturally chatty person and will happily strike up a conversation with anyone. But when she's having this type of conversation it's the party my little sister had well and truly got her claws in,

That's dreadful she had him bound and gagged so he couldn't get away from her at all for the whole weekend, poor chap, but how lovely you've rallied the rest of your family in disapproval and judgement of your sister! Lovely times!

This is exactly right.

AssignedBlobbyAtBirth · 13/01/2022 08:03

YANBU
I have a friend who does this. Its hard to picture until you know someone who acts like this. Friend is also in a relationship but I would stand no chance of meeting anyone if out with her. If I spoke to a bloke she would dive in and monopolise him

Beautiful3 · 13/01/2022 08:24

If he wanted to know you better I'd guess he'd ask your cousin for your details. He wouldn't let your sister get in the way of that surely?

Ricksteinsfishwife · 13/01/2022 08:29

Op, I’m sorry, but if the guy was interested he would have proactively come over and spoken to you. He is not an inert object with no free will. You are not entitled to him as you’re single. It does appear you’re jealous because he spoke to her and not you.

Your sisters behaviour is a different subject, but this man has free will and that notion seems to be missing from your post. It reads like you actually think he had no choice and if it wasn’t for her he’d have been yours, like if she hadn’t eaten the last scone you would have had it.

Original poster

ThirdTimeIucky · 13/01/2022 08:30

A agree with most of what people have said to be honest. What annoys most of my family is that she has put us all in a difficult position, because we know her partner. Her behaviour was totally unreasonable, in my opinion and for many people in my family. It was so obvious we all commented on it.

I've said nothing to her and wouldn't let it impact our relationship. I totally agree that he's no a toy, and did not mean to make it come across that way. And this is sort of why I'm asking. Because I feel a bit childish and like a teenager for feeling a bit like this, so apologies if that actually is the case.

But also she is in a relationship and did not behave that way at all. It was uncomfortable for everyone to see, and not how I feel someone in a supposedly committed relationship should behave. It was frankly bizarre. He did come and speak to me again several times over the course of the weekend, but my sis wasn't far away. It was just such bizarre behaviour to me.

OP posts:

Lollypop701 · 13/01/2022 08:30

Your sister is, for whatever reason, jealous and in competition with you . When you were in a relationship you weren’t allowed to speak to men and when you’re not in a relationship you can’t because she needs the attention. In a more normal world, she would have left you to chat. He may not have been interested but you would have had a bit of a flirt and confidence boost. But sister didn’t want you to have that because it took attention away from her. Tbf if I were him I wouldn’t go near either of you now… your sisters behaviour and meltdown would make me wary . I’d chalk it down to experience and try not to go out with her

sweetcheekweak · 13/01/2022 08:30

YANBU

I can only assume PP haven't met someone like this irl.

Only of my uni friends used to be like this and it caused most of her friendships to break down. She had a long term boyfriend but would jump at any man who even showed the tiniest bit of interest in anyone else, she'd drape herself over them, aggressively flirt (so would seem more interested than the girl he was just speaking to if you know what I mean)

So the guy would then think this girl was more interested than the last one, hadn't had enough time to exchange numbers with girl 1, put all attention into flirty pants who would take the number at the end of the night and never call.

She did it for a thrill (admitted it) she also liked flirting with married men or taken men as she felt like she had 'won' if they flirted back as it meant they liked her more than their girlfriend or wife.

I get what other posters are saying about if he was interested he would have given you his number, but from seeing this irl it doesn't always work that way. When most women are gently flirting and building up and a massive flirt takes over, most men would see that as they're more interested and if their time is monopolised most in my experience wouldn't just get up and find the woman who they're not sure is interested.

DisforDarkChocolate · 13/01/2022 08:32

Honestly, you sound like a 12 year old and not an adult with a child.

slashlover · 13/01/2022 08:44

You had one conversation with him.

AlbertBridge · 13/01/2022 08:47

I'd have asked her how her boyfriend was, in front of the guy. And got my whole family to rave about said boyfriend, ask why he wasn't there, FaceTime him, etc. Simples.

sashh · 13/01/2022 08:57

Are you both 12?

MichelleScarn · 13/01/2022 11:25

OK so what did she do? Touch him, grope him kiss him? What were the actions that have you and all your family jointly horrified and discussing her?

WorriedGiraffe · 13/01/2022 11:32

Do you even no that the guy wasn’t in a relationship too? If either of you were really interested you’d have made more effort. Is your sister unhappy in her own relationship and you Havnt realised? What was the drunken meltdown about? From your posts your family sound more judgemental than caring, especially as she didn’t even cheat.

Frankola · 13/01/2022 11:42

Does this poor man not get any say in this OP?!
He's not a toy to fight over. He's a human. With feelings. For all you know he might not have liked either of you!

If he is interested in you he'd let you know. Your sister didn't snap him up and prevent him from doing anything at all.

It seems to me your real issue is with your jealousy of your sister. As PPs have said, when you speak to someone it's apparently because you're cheerful and can talk to anyone, but when she does it she's sticking her claws into someone?

And so what if she spoke to some bloke. Just because she's in a relationship...does that mean she cannot speak to men?

You don't get dibs on men because you're a single mum.

Very clever too of you to have made your family aware of her evil behaviour. How lovely of you all to have been bitching her off for speaking to a member of the opposite sex.

girlmom21 · 13/01/2022 11:46

@MichelleScarn

OK so what did she do? Touch him, grope him kiss him? What were the actions that have you and all your family jointly horrified and discussing her?

I don't think you understand. She spoke to another man while she has a boyfriend.

What a floozy!

WheekestLink · 13/01/2022 11:52

YABU. She hasn't monopolised him, he's just more interested in her than you. Trust me, if he liked you, he'd come and get you.

Cactusandmarshmallows · 13/01/2022 11:56

There’s a lot to unpick here I think.

I can see why you’re cross. But rather than judging and talking about your sister behind her back (all this en masse ‘commenting’ on her behaviour by ‘everyone’) has anyone actually checked in to see if she’s ok? Is her relationship ok? Is her partner good to her? That sort of thing is what I’d wonder if it were my sister, rather than participate in conversations about her behind her back. Especially given the meltdown.

Agree with pps as well that if the guy was interested your sister wouldn’t have been able to get in your way

Stompythedinosaur · 13/01/2022 11:59

I'm interested to know what your sister did for her interactions to be flirty/unreasonable rather than just friendly? It doesn't sound like she propositioned him for anything sexual or romantic from what you've said. Having a partner does not preclude you from spending time with other men.

I think you are maybe frustrated as you'd hoped he might be a romantic partner for you and it didn't turn out that way.

Could you not have chatted with them both?

MichelleScarn · 13/01/2022 12:11

@girlmom21 the horrors!! Talking to a man, with words and everything! 😱😱 my pearls could not be clutched any tighter!

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