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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed with my sister

64 replies

ThirdTimeIucky · 12/01/2022 22:02

We were at a family party recently, and my cousin's friend was there. He was lovely and we got on really well, chatted and had quite a lot in common. It was lovely to have a man to talk to, it doesn't often happen as a single Mum.

I had to go and sort my daughter out, and by the time I returned to the party my little sister had well and truly got her claws in, and that was it for the weekend. She barely left him alone. It was so obvious to everyone. She was flirting outrageously.

I'm pissed off for two reasons. The first is that she is in a relationship with someone, and they are talking about buying a house, so it's pretty serious. I feel like she put us in a really awkward position as a family. I have no idea if she told this guy she was in a relationship. As a family we disapprove massively, but she had a huge drunk meltdown at the end of the weekend, and as a result nobody said anything to her about her behaviour with this guy evacsue we were all trying to pick up the pieces of what happened at the end of the weekend.

And secondly I'm so annoyed at her for monopolising this guy. I've been single for nearly two years, and as a single Mum, get very little opportunity to speak to anyone let alone attractive, interesting single men. We seemed to get on well.

When I was with my ex, she was awful if ever we went out and I got chatting to any guys. She'd pull me away and be quite accusatory, and call me naive, saying I didn't know what blokes were like, and that they all wanted the same thing. I'm a naturally chatty person and will happily strike up a conversation with anyone. But just a chat, cheating was never on my mind.

She knows how hard the past few years have been for me, and I honestly just thought the whole things was utterly outrageous and selfish. She obviously fancied this guy, that was clear from a million miles, but am I being unreasonable to be totally pissed off at her behaviour?

OP posts:
Movingsoon21 · 13/01/2022 12:11

OP I hear you! I think most of the posters on this thread haven’t seen someone who acts like this. It’s impossible to get a word in edgeways and then the bloke thinks the massive flirt is way more into him/ more of a sure thing, so puts his eggs in her basket so to speak, rather than ditching her and going back to find the quieter, more normal woman he might have liked better if they’d had a chance to speak, but he doesn’t know if she’s into him or not as she hasn’t thrown herself at him.

OP just speak to your sister separately and tell her she acted like a jealous bitch and you don’t appreciate it. Maybe also ask her if there are problems in her relationship to make her act this way?

Separately, ask your cousin if the guy is single and if she could set you up/send you his number?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/01/2022 12:17

Well she doesn’t sound very nice. But he was free to talk to whoever he wanted.

Men generally have plenty of agency of their own in these situations

SleepingStandingUp · 13/01/2022 12:23

Why didn't you just go back over and join in the chat and casually bring in "oh you must be missing Jake this weekend, how is the house move going? Next family party will be your wedding I bet!"

Bananarama21 · 13/01/2022 12:24

You both sound immature this poor man I hope he runs a ran if he was interested he would have came and spoken to you.

Ricksteinsfishwife · 13/01/2022 12:39

@Movingsoon21

OP I hear you! I think most of the posters on this thread haven’t seen someone who acts like this. It’s impossible to get a word in edgeways and then the bloke thinks the massive flirt is way more into him/ more of a sure thing, so puts his eggs in her basket so to speak, rather than ditching her and going back to find the quieter, more normal woman he might have liked better if they’d had a chance to speak, but he doesn’t know if she’s into him or not as she hasn’t thrown herself at him.

OP just speak to your sister separately and tell her she acted like a jealous bitch and you don’t appreciate it. Maybe also ask her if there are problems in her relationship to make her act this way?

Separately, ask your cousin if the guy is single and if she could set you up/send you his number?

This just kind of Re enforces this man has no free will, that the op is entitled and he has to go with whomever is most deserving. If he stuck with the sister all night then he it will be he is interested in the sister.

They aren’t squabbling over a toy, this is an actual person. With choice.

RedHelenB · 13/01/2022 13:02

Yabu. Nothing to stop you joining in their conversation. And as others have pointed out, nothing to stop him coming over to you.

sweetcheekweak · 13/01/2022 13:04

@Ricksteinsfishwife

Do you honestly not see that to anyone, let alone this man, speaking with 2 people, just met so equally 'interested' at the start but one lays it on that they are super interested, might make that person lean towards the obviously interested party?

It's not the man in this case has no free will, it's simply acknowledging the fact that for many, if a person you're interested in dumps themselves on you and makes it clear they're interested, trumps the potentially more laid back, getting to know you girl

I've seen this in action, and it's not negating free will.

billy1966 · 13/01/2022 13:14

You are happy to have a close relationship with a sister who behaves like that.

She has no loyalty to her boyfriend and no loyalty to you.

She also had a drunken meltdown?

Not for the first time I presume?

By remaining close to someone who behaves like that you implicitly accept her being like that.

She is not a nice person but you are clearly prepared to be around it.

In a similar situation, others might just be less available to her.

As for the poor sap that is buying a house with her, poor fool.

AlDanvers · 13/01/2022 13:45

[quote sweetcheekweak]@Ricksteinsfishwife

Do you honestly not see that to anyone, let alone this man, speaking with 2 people, just met so equally 'interested' at the start but one lays it on that they are super interested, might make that person lean towards the obviously interested party?

It's not the man in this case has no free will, it's simply acknowledging the fact that for many, if a person you're interested in dumps themselves on you and makes it clear they're interested, trumps the potentially more laid back, getting to know you girl

I've seen this in action, and it's not negating free will. [/quote]
So women have to act super interested to hold a man's attention and men just go with whoever puts more effort into flirting?

Op had a conversation with him and seems to think that entitles her to his attention. What is it that she was expecting? A shag in a shared house with her family? a long term relationship off the back of one chat?

Its entirely possible he just preferred the company of the sister. Maybe op, came on a bit strong? Maybe it was clear she wanted more than he was interested in.

Its very odd to assume he had any interest in op, apart from just someone pleasant to chat to. And that if ops sister hadn't have been there, then the op would have had some sort of success with him.

averythinline · 13/01/2022 14:04

Your family seem very judgmental about your sister...she's an adult and can act any way she wants whether that's flirty or not...such sexist shaming

Who are you all to judge....? Do you know what's the state of her relationship behind closed doors ? Maybe things aren't that great.. Not surprised she got drunk you all sound a very judgemental lot

Maybe have a look in the mirror about all the family talking about her etc....doesn't sound like concern wondering if there's anything up ...more pearl clutching and tutting.. are you in soap/cult/ the 50's ?? Juvenile is the least of it....

MichelleScarn · 13/01/2022 14:41

Is anyone else starting to get concerned as to the powers of their female wiles and powers? You know the ones that by merely conversing with a male that you are clearly being a siren and ruining the chance of any other woman?
Has op yet said what intricate dance and actions were being carried out to enthrall him so?

IncompleteSenten · 13/01/2022 14:44

Too late now but might be worth remembering for the future.

Talk about her partner. How's the house buying with your boyfriend going? That sort of thing.

KrisAkabusi · 13/01/2022 17:18

OP just speak to your sister separately and tell her she acted like a jealous bitch and you don’t appreciate it. Maybe also ask her if there are problems in her relationship to make her act this way?

Yeah, this would go down well in real life! Call your sister a bitch and ask if she's got relationship problems. What sort of answer do you think you would get? I've seen some shit advice on here but this takes the biscuit!

Kite22 · 13/01/2022 21:24

Why didn't you just go back over and join in the chat and casually bring in "oh you must be missing Jake this weekend, how is the house move going? Next family party will be your wedding I bet!"

This ^

You really aren't coming over well in this whole thread OP

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