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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why aren't they scared of going to prison?

57 replies

Sportslady44 · 12/01/2022 20:38

When people abuse/kill their children/stepkids as we have heard alot recently why aren't they scared of being hated and having to go to prison. They know they are going to be hated and run the risk of getting attacked.

I'd be terrified, why aren't they?
Before anyone says they don't think they will be caught I don't believe it.

They know eventually it will come to light what's been happening. Also why do they want to split up their relationship. Once tough to prison your separated and you don't even see each other again.

If anyone really does know please enlighten me.

You loose your freedom
You lose your relationship and other kids.
Everyone hates you and wants to beat you up.

Think I'd rather be dead than live like that.

Just awful there's been another one today on the news. A woman and her partner have Been charged with murdering her 9 year old son.

OP posts:
goawaystormy · 12/01/2022 20:48

Why isn't anyone who commits any crime afraid of going to prison?

The reality is deterrence, which is what most of our crime control system is based on, just doesn't work. The system needs a massive overhaul. People shouldn't not do things because they're afraid to get caught, they should not do them because it's wrong in the first place.

And the reality is as humans were very irrational beings and make really poor risk assessments. So as much as you don't believe it they really do think they won't get caught.

sweetcheekweak · 12/01/2022 20:50

Because prison doesn't come into mind when committing crimes

It's why I always Confused at the numpties who are all for the death penalty because it's a 'deterrent'

Do you think any criminal thinks they are likely to be caught before committing a crime?

And crimes done in anger are definitely not being done with a rational mindset

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 12/01/2022 20:50

They don't see themselves as abusive ime.

They either downplay their behaviour or justify it.

Look at how many people blame SS for taking their dc rather than accepting their own wrongdoings.

Harrysutton · 12/01/2022 20:52

Strange question. Surely people who don't abuse their kids choose not to because it is a horrendous thing to do, not because of any possible consequences.

Andtheyalllookjustthesame · 12/01/2022 20:53

I think initially they don't think they'll get caught (or aren't really do anything wrong, the child just needs to behave/be punished). And then it escalates to the point where they know they will go to jail if the child talks and instead kill the child in the hope that they either get away with it or that even if they don't they get the satisfaction of killing some thing they really hate, because by that point they don't see the child as a person anymore just a kind of demon/creature that needs to be dealt with.

Georgeskitchen · 12/01/2022 20:54

Maybe these people are just so psycho they don't care. I wonder if drugs play a part in some cases. Some people are unable to control their temper. They clearly don't want to go to jail because they lie and claim they haven't touched the child, or they try to blame someone else.

EdinaMonsoon · 12/01/2022 20:54

I can't understand why prison isn't a deterrent either because the thought of it scares me to pieces. However, I grew up surrounded by abusive bastards and I can tell you that most of them have an astounding level of arrogance; a mentality of being untouchable, of being right in their behaviours & beliefs and that it's nobody else's business what they choose to do. When you have that level of narcissistic qualities, it's not hard to see why they feel the system can't ever touch them.

Andtheyalllookjustthesame · 12/01/2022 20:55

I don't think their behaviour has any logical or moral elements to it though, really, and if they can't be scared into not doing it or shamed into not doing it, then what's left? The only thing is to make sure they are not given the opportunity.

Onlinedilema · 12/01/2022 20:55

They aren't thinking straight.
They act in anger.
They need educating rather than a deterrent.
Humans are not fundamentally nice.
Humans are not cut out to have children then be lumbered with them for years and years.
Who knows.

Theunamedcat · 12/01/2022 20:56

Have you read the news? prison is easy fed and entertained if your at risk your isolated from everyone else

Some people just don't think like the guru who left her baby and went out for days dis she think the baby would die? Possibly possibly not she was in a mother and baby unit so she probably thought that her absence would be noticed and someone would take care of the baby

People have Unreasonable expectations of the justice system I hope they actually do regret it when they get into it

EdinaMonsoon · 12/01/2022 20:58

Also, whilst undoubtedly there are women who are in coercive, abusive relationships who feel obligated to join in the abusive behaviours towards their children/other people, it's time we stopped this narrative as being the default position. Sadly women can be just as evil as men and they should neither be excused nor treated worse than abusive men. I think those women have a tendency to put their partner above everyone else. It's frighteningly intense and they will literally ignore the most heinous acts because all that matters is their man.

Theunamedcat · 12/01/2022 20:58

Not every crime is committed in anger are we to believe Arthur's dad and his girlfriend were angry for a few months? That shit took time and effort poison assault neglect it took some serious time and effort

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/01/2022 20:59

I don't refrain from crime because of prison. I refrain because I'm a decent person.

Reverse all that and you have your answer. Punishment is the last and worse of the ways to prevent crime.

user5656555 · 12/01/2022 20:59

I really don't think you can rationalise the thoughts of a child abuser. Aren't you more curious/concerned about their choice to abuse rather than than their impression of prison? I don't abuse a child first and foremost because it's abhorrent; no need, right or desire, not because I'm fearful of prison.

Original poster
Sportslady44 · 12/01/2022 21:00

Yes I realise that you shouldn't want to do these things anyway perhaps badly worded but I would have thought maybe the thought of being banged up for years nd hated etc would be a deterrent.
It's no good thing you won't be caught you have to expect there is a very good chance you might be.

OP posts:
sweetcheekweak · 12/01/2022 21:02

@Sportslady44

Yes I realise that you shouldn't want to do these things anyway perhaps badly worded but I would have thought maybe the thought of being banged up for years nd hated etc would be a deterrent. It's no good thing you won't be caught you have to expect there is a very good chance you might be.
Yes, a fractional person in a rational state of mind thinks 'there is a chance I'll get caught'

But they weren't rational

rocky1914 · 12/01/2022 21:03

@Harrysutton

Strange question. Surely people who don't abuse their kids choose not to because it is a horrendous thing to do, not because of any possible consequences.
This.

Very strange question. 🤨

Dougt · 12/01/2022 21:03

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

They don't see themselves as abusive ime.

They either downplay their behaviour or justify it.

Look at how many people blame SS for taking their dc rather than accepting their own wrongdoings.

I think this is it, they don’t see themselves as abusive. Someone posted on one of the Arthur threads asking why they didn’t just ask for him to be put in care, which is a bloody good question. I guess it’s a control thing? I don’t like to dwell on it too much but is a lot of the abuse ultimately about control?
TabithaTittlemouse · 12/01/2022 21:05

Think I'd rather be dead than live like that

I think I would rather die than kill my children tbh Confused

WhoWants2Know · 12/01/2022 21:05

Studies have demonstrated that a large proportion of both male and female prisoners have experienced some form of brain injury. So things like impulse control, planning, problem solving and emotional regulation may be difficult for those people. In those cases, they probably aren't scared of getting caught because they haven't thought that far ahead.

Joined4this · 12/01/2022 21:08

I am sure someone will be along to give you the stats- but generally the prison has a high proportion of people with lower iq’s/who have experienced abuse/ mental health problems/ head injuries etc. So their empathy might be low, they might see abuse as “normal “, they might have violent tendencies etc.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 12/01/2022 21:12

I think you don't think rationally and with forward planning of the consequences when you do this stuff. It's like a primal urge takes over. I couldn't bear hurting any child though so I wouldn't be thinking about it like that. I just wouldn't do it because it's evil. I thought similar when the Arthur case was going on. They said Tustin just wanted his dad. Did she think we will get Arthur out the way and live happily ever after?

Original poster
Sportslady44 · 12/01/2022 21:15

Exactly and why did she get involved with him knowing he had a child.

OP posts:
MythicalBiologicalFennel · 12/01/2022 21:16

Abusers and violent people tend to blame others, don't they?

Look what you made me do
It's your fault, you shouldn't have done that (it's your fault I hit you, you shouldn't have burnt the food / made a noise etc)
I told you this would happen

Once they justify their actions in their mind, they can go any lengths.

BigYellowHat · 12/01/2022 21:19

I know where you’re coming from and kind of agree. However, someone who kills a child isn’t normal or rational. If you had enough insight to realise that murdering an innocent child = life in a 6x9 cell 🥱 🥱 then you’d surely stop to think that murder wasn’t such a great idea after all.