Unfair or not?

[Kaandii]

My boyfriend has given me an ultimatum. He says that if I want to be with him I MUST do the following things.

1. Delete pictures and tags with other men (some exes, some not) on my facebook.
2. Stop getting mad at him.
3. Go back to a doctor.
4. Answer any question he asks (usually stupid accusations)
5. Answer the phone any time he calls no matter what (all the time)

Are these reasonable requests or not.

Also I have only asked one thing of him, which he doesn't want to do, to listen.

Please help, I don't want to lose him, and my son loves him too, I don't know what to say to him.

You didn't define YABU here.

I think some people are voting YABU for even considering his "requests"
And others are voting YANBU because you're clearly in the right.

Run like the wind.

Run. You and your son are worth so much more than that .

He wants to control you - and his demands will get worse. In the end, he'll stop you seeing your friends and family, and he won't want/allow you to go anywhere at all without him. Please, get rid of him now. You and your little boy deserve someone good and decent. This person isn't either.

Is he the father to your boy?

God no, who does he think he is for heavens sake?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4452121-Are-these-reasonable-requests

You've made a second thread, which one do you want us to respond on. There is more info on the second thread.

Possibly requesting you go to the doctor is reasonable, depending on what for. The offers are totally unreasonable. The fact he’s made it an ultimatum should make it easy to show him the door!

Number 3 might be reasonable (most folk should be registered with a GP and see them for any concerns you might have - though you haven't said why he wants you to go back), the rest - well that sounds like control to me!

What I am going to say is you say here your son loves him on your other thread you say that it is a long distance relationship of five months.

Your son doesn't love him, he doesn't know him and neither do you.

Have you even met him?

Unfair? Unhinged more like. He sounds like an emotionally abusive person. Put on your trainers and run, fast, now,

@Kaandii

My boyfriend has given me an ultimatum. He says that if I want to be with him I MUST do the following things.

1. Delete pictures and tags with other men (some exes, some not) on my facebook.
2. Stop getting mad at him.
3. Go back to a doctor.
4. Answer any question he asks (usually stupid accusations)
5. Answer the phone any time he calls no matter what (all the time)

Are these reasonable requests or not.

Also I have only asked one thing of him, which he doesn't want to do, to listen.

Please help, I don't want to lose him, and my son loves him too, I don't know what to say to him.

Any boyfriend who gives ultimatums isn't worth keeping I'm afraid unless the ultimatum is to keep you safe from harm.

So this is your thread too?

What you've left out of this thread, but mentioned in the other, is that you've been in a long-distance relationship for five months - FIVE MONTHS (I've got cheese in my fridge that's older than this 'relationship') - and yet your son loves him? Your son (hopefully) hasn't even met him, FFS.

Being brutally honest, OP, you need some quite significant help from a medical professional. NONE of this is normal, or healthy, or good.

If not for you, then for the sake of your son, at least.

I'll help you with what to say to him...goodbye

He's a controlling cunt.

@Ionlydomassiveones

The answer to the ultimatum is no.

“Please help, I don't want to lose him, and my son loves him too, I don't know what to say to him.”

You owe it to your son to lose him immediately. However good he makes you feel, this ‘list’ shows you that he has unhealthy and potentially dangerous ideas about relationships. Don’t let yourself and your son be victims of this vile, controlling man.

Agreed, although I'd put it as the answer to the ultimatum is bye!

You say "I hope your next relationship works out better than this one."

Get rid ASAP.

what to say to him? two words, second one is off

CONTROL!

Get rid before it's to late

If you ask him to do the same, what would he do?

what a controlling arsehole!!!
Fuck off!

RED FLAGS WAVING HIGH He will ruin you and your son's life. This is so unhealthy. Please do not let your son witness this abuse moving forward. RUN RUN RUN... No-one should live by these rules.

You say goodbye!!

I cannot fathom why anyone would put up with this shit. You're questioning it with us lot so you know it's wrong.

Unless you want to be back here in a matter of weeks posting about MUCH worse things he does to you or your son, you’ll release him back in to the wild. He’s all kinds of BAD, he’s trying to get you under control and his next target will be, make no mistake, your son.

RUN!!!

You need to have a think about whether you want your son to observe a man controlling you like that.

You'll be so much happier when you're not living under his ridiculous paranoid control.

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will, honestly.

I wouldn't let anyone like that anywhere near my son!! You now, your son next 😰