Unfair or not?

[Kaandii]

My boyfriend has given me an ultimatum. He says that if I want to be with him I MUST do the following things.

1. Delete pictures and tags with other men (some exes, some not) on my facebook.
2. Stop getting mad at him.
3. Go back to a doctor.
4. Answer any question he asks (usually stupid accusations)
5. Answer the phone any time he calls no matter what (all the time)

Are these reasonable requests or not.

Also I have only asked one thing of him, which he doesn't want to do, to listen.

Please help, I don't want to lose him, and my son loves him too, I don't know what to say to him.

You sound like you've lost sight of what is reasonable behaviour and living under this level of control it's not surprising. It's not you, it's him. This is not healthy and is likely to get worse and worse. Google The Freedom Program, it's excellent for helping you to identify what's going on in your relationship and see what's there under your nose. Please do get help with this, the kids, and you, deserve better.

How on Earth do you not want to lose him? Just how.

You must know this isn't normal. You must know that people don't need to ask these questions.

He is being controlling. Once you give into these demands, they will become worse. It's so easy to slip into this cycle and not realise how abusive it becomes over time. Step away for the sake of your child!

I think I voted wrong! You are not being unreasonable. He is! Apologies. (Looking at the vote I th8nk others have also voted wrong...)

Barring going to a doctor, all of these are very unreasonable 'requests'. At best they are controlling, at worst, huge red flags for danger. Get him away from yourself and your son, it will hurt but so much better in the long run.

Save your dc and yourself.

Get rid tonight.
He is an abuser.
We can see it.
So sorry that you can't.

How long have you been together. I mean this gently but these are not reasonable requests, apart from potentially going to the doctors. How can you never be mad at him? He could do something terrible/awful and you would be mad, you just wouldn’t be able to show it.

I've voted YABU on the basis that he sounds like an abuser and you need to get away from him if you have a child, not kowtow to that insane list.

I hope you have real life support OP. Please make plans to leave this man.

The voting on this is a bit confusing but the comments are very clear. He is absolutely not to be trusted. Do not get yourself in any deeper with this man. He is abusive, you and your son deserve much much better than this. Get rid of him as soon as possible and do The Freedom Programme so you can avoid being in similar situations in the future.

My boyfriend has given me an ultimatum. He says that if I want to be with him I MUST do the following things.

1. Delete pictures and tags with other men (some exes, some not) on my facebook. definitely not
2. Stop getting mad at him. depends
3. Go back to a doctor. What for?
4. Answer any question he asks (usually stupid accusations) no
5. Answer the phone any time he calls no matter what (all the time) definitely not

Seriously this guy has more red flags than a communist rally

Very unfair, you need to run for the hills.

He's being very unfair because he is very controlling. Raise the bar. You can do so much better than this for you and your son. Big red abusive flags. Dump him, move on with your life and go back to the doctor if you need to.

You are incompatible, you and your son will be better off without him.

You know he is unreasonable.

You also know (at heart) he is a controlling nut job who will only get more abusive.

Get yourself out of there. This is a terrible situation for your son to be in.

People are confused by what they are voting for BTW, that’s why it’s split.

Oh hell no. This man isn’t good for you or your child. He sounds very unreasonable.

This is an abusive relationship.

I don’t know about the doctor (I wonder if he’s trying to convince you that you need anti depressants or that you have an undiagnosed mental health condition - does he want you to believe that you’re ‘crazy’ and that he’s helping you?) but the rest is controlling. It is unhealthy for you and your son.

LTB

YABU for subjecting your son to this man.

If you don’t think enough of yourself to dump this dickhead (and you should, you’re worth more), then do it for your son.

Pretty unanimous. Dump.
What's the doctor about? Is he trying to get you to go on the pill?

Run like the wind in the opposite direction from this controlling abusive dick

Your son deserves better.

You don't want to lose him? Why? He sounds bloody awful!!

Does he make you feel grateful for being with you and your ds?

Cop on and get away from this controlling man.

He is using your son to control you.

Cop on and dump him.

Your gut instinct is correct - trust it! You know he's wrong, which is why you're checking here and not just accepting it.

You see posts like this here sometimes. They seem to start reasonably, like you need to answer the phone because he's worried about you. Then over time it gets worse until they're not allowed to see friends or their mum. Leave now before he controls everything you do.

Please run. Run, run, run.

He is controlling and misogynistic.

You will be miserable if you stay with him.