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Original poster

Why do I feel bothered by this?

64 replies

Chocomelon · 12/01/2022 17:20

Just got in from the local farm shop. Been going about 3 years. We always make polite small talk. I asked how his Christmas was. He said it was nice and then started to ask how my Christmas was but hesitated and changed it to "holiday period".

I am not white so I am assuming he wasn't sure if he knew whether I celebrate Christmas. I expect he was trying to be polite or inclusive but I felt offended he didn't just ask how my Christmas was. He would have if I were white!

I realise someone sound be offended if they asked how their Christmas was and they don't celebrate it.

I did go there for our turkey and veggies but I woundnt expect him to remember that...

The thing is I'm thinking I might have dove the same thing!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/01/2022 17:24

I expect he was trying to be polite or inclusive

That's exactly what he was trying to do. He was trying to be respectful. Why you're offended by this is beyond me.

JaneJeffer · 12/01/2022 17:24

Maybe someone else had complained when he asked them the same question.

cushioncovers · 12/01/2022 17:26

He was trying not to offend you by assuming you were Christian. Nothing to be offended by in my opinion

pilates · 12/01/2022 17:27

He was trying not to offend you, so don’t be offended.

musicalfrog · 12/01/2022 17:29

I understand OP. I expect you're feeling 'othered'. It's a shame that people getting offended by general niceties have made decent people overthink a simple social exchange.

namechanger2222 · 12/01/2022 17:30

You feel bothered because you were 'othered'.

The guy was definitely being polite and did nothing wrong though. But it can sometimes get to some people. You didn't want him to assume you don't celebrate Christmas because you are not white.

It's just one of those things.

I get this all the time. I've lived in the UK my whole life, but have a slight accent and don't look British. I always get ' oh where are you from ? '. It bothers me because I feel like it's dividing me from them. But it's my issue. People are just curious. I just wish no one ever asked me that question.

I just want to fit in.

So I understand you. But the man didn't do anything wrong.

namechanger2222 · 12/01/2022 17:31

@musicalfrog

I understand OP. I expect you're feeling 'othered'. It's a shame that people getting offended by general niceties have made decent people overthink a simple social exchange.
Snap !
namechanger2222 · 12/01/2022 17:33

I've noticed a lot of people saying happy holidays or have a nice break this year. Much more so than any other year before.

Honestly I don't care, I'm going to continue saying merry Christmas.

musicalfrog · 12/01/2022 17:36

@namechanger2222

You feel bothered because you were 'othered'.

The guy was definitely being polite and did nothing wrong though. But it can sometimes get to some people. You didn't want him to assume you don't celebrate Christmas because you are not white.

It's just one of those things.

I get this all the time. I've lived in the UK my whole life, but have a slight accent and don't look British. I always get ' oh where are you from ? '. It bothers me because I feel like it's dividing me from them. But it's my issue. People are just curious. I just wish no one ever asked me that question.

I just want to fit in.

So I understand you. But the man didn't do anything wrong.

This is so sad. Britain has a culture of its own (mostly based on its christian heritage) which most people accept as the norm, but individualism has really cut into it.

I will always use the term Christmas rather than Holidays because my brain isn't given to mental gymnastics even on a good day! (not because I'm religious!)

MajorCarolDanvers · 12/01/2022 18:00

I say 'festive period' if I don't know if someone celebrates Christmas.

glassofbubbles25 · 12/01/2022 18:04

How did you know he celebrated Christmas when you asked him?
Perhaps he has a thread being outraged by the small talk you made Hmm

Sportslady44 · 12/01/2022 18:10

Why on earth is he taking about Christmas thus late and also how boring.

There were thousands of other things he could have said. Why Xmas?

Move on and forget it. I would never mention it to start with. Not very imaginative, loads of other things to say.

Bluebluemoon39 · 12/01/2022 18:13

namechanger2222 has it right.

The poor shop owner is trying to be woke and it went wrong, but you can't blame him really.

I always say this to dh - all this political correctness gone mad and I bet most non-white people would be annoyed for it to be assumed they don't celebrate Christmas. Why the bloody hell wouldn't you just because you have darker skin or an accent? There are Christians all over the world anyway!

My dh works in a 90% Muslim area and at Christmas he and all the local shop owners buy one another small gifts and exchange cards etc - it's a joyous time - how could anyone be offended by someone wishing them happy Christmas?
But yeah, I hate all that "happy holidays" crap.

CorrBlimeyGG · 12/01/2022 18:14

It's because people have bought into the (intentionally divisive) narrative that some groups are offended by Christmas. Yet they can't find any of these allegedly offended people, because they don't exist.

CorrBlimeyGG · 12/01/2022 18:16

The poor shop owner is trying to be woke

'Woke' people say Christmas. Because we know no one in real life is offended by it.

phoenixrosehere · 12/01/2022 18:24

But yeah, I hate all that "happy holidays" crap.

I hate the assumption that people think saying Happy Holidays is being “woke”.

I say Happy Holidays because there’s more than one holiday in December besides Christmas and regardless of what one looks like I don’t know what they celebrate. If someone says Merry/Happy Christmas I will say it back but if they don’t I say Happy Holidays. No mental gymnastics required.

22Newnames · 12/01/2022 18:24

Poor bloke could have offended you if he asked about your Christmas for all he knew. He was trying to say something inclusive of those who do and do not celebrate Christmas. Not quite sure what people are meant to say these days 🤷‍♀️

TheOccupier · 12/01/2022 18:28

How did you respond? If you felt able to just say "oh we had a lovely Christmas thanks" that would have been good. Feels like we are all on eggshells at the moment!

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 12/01/2022 18:29

It is a holiday period, there are lots of different celebrations over that period of time.

Its not being 'woke' at all, its simply being considerate.

Christmas comes under the banner of 'holidays'.

Loveisthere · 12/01/2022 18:32

Ofgs he was being polite and did not want to offend you

TillyTopper · 12/01/2022 18:33

Unfortunately many of us have changed from referring to Christmas and Easter to "holidays". Who knows when you're going to come across someone who is going to have an issue with it - so I've also changed. It's cut the small talk at work, but I don't risk it.

Georgeskitchen · 12/01/2022 18:34

I have never met any non Christian who is offended by Christmas. Many even celebrate it!!
All this nonsense tends to come from those who like to show their "credentials" by getting offended on behalf of others!!

StoneofDestiny · 12/01/2022 18:35

Nothing to be offended by, but it's ridiculous. It's Christmas and it's the reason for the extra holidays happen. Renaming it is ridiculous and an American nonsense we don't need over here.

BurbageBrook · 12/01/2022 18:36

You’re just looking for things to be offended by here.

phoenixrosehere · 12/01/2022 18:40

Renaming it is ridiculous and an American nonsense we don't need over here.

Who knew taking into account that there are other holidays besides Christmas is American nonsense.