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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why do I feel bothered by this?

64 replies

Chocomelon · 12/01/2022 17:20

Just got in from the local farm shop. Been going about 3 years. We always make polite small talk. I asked how his Christmas was. He said it was nice and then started to ask how my Christmas was but hesitated and changed it to "holiday period".

I am not white so I am assuming he wasn't sure if he knew whether I celebrate Christmas. I expect he was trying to be polite or inclusive but I felt offended he didn't just ask how my Christmas was. He would have if I were white!

I realise someone sound be offended if they asked how their Christmas was and they don't celebrate it.

I did go there for our turkey and veggies but I woundnt expect him to remember that...

The thing is I'm thinking I might have dove the same thing!

OP posts:
Tal45 · 12/01/2022 18:40

Instead of feeling offended why didn't you just tell him with a smile 'it's ok I celebrate Christmas too'.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 12/01/2022 18:44

Renaming it is ridiculous and an American nonsense we don't need over here.

Its not renaming anything, it's just being considerate of those who celebrate things other than christmas. Don't we need to be inclusive 'over here'?

The Americans get blamed for everything on MN.

AffIt · 12/01/2022 18:45

I work in a global organisation with Christian/Jewish/Muslim/Hindu/Sikh/Buddhist/Jain colleagues.

Others (myself included) are atheist/agnostic, some are possibly pagan for all I know...

There's more than one holiday in December, so it's just a convenient shorthand to say 'happy holidays'. In saying that, if I wish a Jewish colleague a merry Christmas, or they tell me to have a happy Hanukkah, the sky will not fall on anybody's head.

MsWalterMitty · 12/01/2022 18:46

Do people just get offended for offended’s sake?

I’m sure there are people out there who would have been offended that he wasn’t inclusive

WonderfulYou · 12/01/2022 18:59

That's exactly what he was trying to do. He was trying to be respectful. Why you're offended by this is beyond me.

I agree and I agree with PPs that say you’re looking for things to be offended about.
It sounds like he did well not to say happy Christmas as you would have been offended and probably complained.

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 12/01/2022 19:00

You could just have smiled and said that your Christmas great, you enjoyed the turkey you had bought from him!

No need to be offended - he was trying not to offend you...

Original poster
Chocomelon · 12/01/2022 20:15

I actually think it's a bit dismissive to say o was "looking" for things to be offended by. How ridiculous?! I acknowledge in my OP that he was being nice and that I have dove a similar thing myself at least in thought. I have questioned whether to ask someone about Christmas if they are not white too! I thought it was interesting it should have bothered me slightly.

*You feel bothered because you were 'othered'.

The guy was definitely being polite and did nothing wrong though. But it can sometimes get to some people. You didn't want him to assume you don't celebrate Christmas because you are not white.*

This is it. It's the fact he hesitated and didn't know what to say for a second which made me aware that my colour must have been at the forefront of his mind.

BUT I had also forgot it had happened until I came on this thread again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocomelon · 12/01/2022 20:16

And yes I just said we had a lovely Christmas and new year.

OP posts:
winolady · 12/01/2022 20:19

Reading some of these responses is hilarious, some people definitely like to say the opposite thing, if you said you weren't offended and you liked it, these people would say "well isn't that a tad presumptuous and others might find that offensive!?"

So to cut to the point OP, I can completely understand why you would feel like that because I'm half black and I would feel very much the same as you, it's positive discrimination really, but above all just shows what a plonker that guy is.

Talipesmum · 12/01/2022 20:30

But Hanukkah was end Nov - 6th dec last year, wasn’t it? If I’m asking someone how their actual holiday time was, when the schools were shut from end dec to start jan, that’s got nothing to do with Hanukkah?? The holiday - ie the time off for schools and national holidays - is for Christmas. So they’re the Christmas holidays, regardless of whether people celebrate Xmas or not. I would say happy Hanukkah to people at the right time for Hanukkah.
I usually ask people how their break was if I’m not sure they do Christmas (in either an atheist, cultural or religious way). But they’re still the Christmas holidays.

Unsure33 · 12/01/2022 20:46

Honestly you just can’t win. We offended someone at work by buying them a very expensive Christmas hamper . Turned out they were of a faith who did not celebrate holidays . We did not have a clue.

Personally I would rather they had said nothing and donated the hamper to charity .

iheartredsquirrels · 12/01/2022 20:46

You christian lot hijacked my pagan festival, but I'm not offended when someone wishes me merry christmas etc. Wink

phishy · 12/01/2022 20:57

@Unsure33

Honestly you just can’t win. We offended someone at work by buying them a very expensive Christmas hamper . Turned out they were of a faith who did not celebrate holidays . We did not have a clue.

Personally I would rather they had said nothing and donated the hamper to charity .

I celebrate Christmas but I would be pissed off if my present was a Christmas jumper. You don’t get much use out of it.

And what do you mean, you can’t win?

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 12/01/2022 21:16

Maybe I need to just go on Gransnet these days @Chocomelon because no-one here seems to have taken into account that you asked him how his Christmas was first (or did I just imagine that?). In doing so wasn't that rather a big hint that even if you didn't celebrate Christmas itself you were very happy to talk about it, and that is what makes his question to you quite baffling in my eyes! Why go looking for differences when there either are none, or they do not need to be addressed. If I had been in your position Chocomelon I would have taken (very slight) offence (just like you did) at the fact that he didn't feel comfortable saying the same thing back at me that I had just said to him. I am sorry OP that coming on here has mainly just compounded his well intentioned faux pax, rather than lessened it!

Herani · 12/01/2022 21:34

OP I am white and people definitely did things like this to me over Christmas. He was trying to be considerate because he'll have been told by his boss not to say 'Christmas' to anyone. People are becoming scared to offend anyone.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 12/01/2022 22:06

Given what ‘holidays’ originally meant it’s difficult to see why anyone would object to it being used to refer to the holy days of all religions.
Over time, meaning shifts. And sometimes it shifts back again

WeatherwaxOn · 12/01/2022 22:11

I had a discussion about this with a friend. She is a Christian and likes people to say "Merry Christmas". I'm not religious, although I have some pagan leanings, and have friends of different faiths.
If I know someone celebrates Christmas, then I'll wish them merry Christmas. However, if I don't know, then I might ask what they did over the Christmas holiday. Some people who don't celebrate Christmas aren't bothered if you assume they do, but others, for various reasons don't celebrate.
It's difficult to please everyone and if by saying something you potentially upset or offend others it is worth considering the wording.

AllKindsOfWrong · 12/01/2022 22:12

You said in your opening post that you were offended, then in your second post that you had forgotten about it until you returned to the thread.
Which suggests that you weren't that offended, if at all and are just looking for a virtual punch up.

SantaClawsServiette · 12/01/2022 22:19

People are scared to say something that might offend someone.

In most cases because they've been told they might by asshats, and they are just trying to do the right thing.

The fact is normal people who do not do "whatever" common thing will just either say, "O, we celebrate X and it was lovely" or take it in the general sense and say "yes, we had a great holiday".

SantaClawsServiette · 12/01/2022 22:20

@AllKindsOfWrong

You said in your opening post that you were offended, then in your second post that you had forgotten about it until you returned to the thread. Which suggests that you weren't that offended, if at all and are just looking for a virtual punch up.
Maybe offended wasn't quite the right word? It might have been more, felt somehow singled out in an uncomfortable at the moment way.
SantaClawsServiette · 12/01/2022 22:23

@winolady

Reading some of these responses is hilarious, some people definitely like to say the opposite thing, if you said you weren't offended and you liked it, these people would say "well isn't that a tad presumptuous and others might find that offensive!?"

So to cut to the point OP, I can completely understand why you would feel like that because I'm half black and I would feel very much the same as you, it's positive discrimination really, but above all just shows what a plonker that guy is.

How a plonker?

He may well have been told not to say it. That seems to be a thing at workplaces now where employees deal with the public.

JaceLancs · 12/01/2022 22:33

Sadly many of us are so worried about offending others that we feel forced to take a pc middle ground
It’s not just about religion or culture even
Years ago I used to email people (work related) in January and say things like ‘Happy New Year’ and hope you had a good Christmas
Now I think what if they were seriously ill, or lost a loved one, or are in the middle of a mental health crisis………..
Now I say very little or banal things like hope you enjoyed a break from work or are you more rested etc
I genuinely would not wish to offend or upset and probably overthink this

EmmaH2022 · 12/01/2022 22:40

OP that would make me feel "othered" too.

I am mostly just sad that things have turned out this way. Ten years ago, I'd have been annoyed but now I haven't got the energy, and fuck knows what people are taught.

I think you answered in the right way btw.

Shiningpath · 12/01/2022 22:41

Maybe he says that to everyone. Festive period or “the holiday” is common where I work because we have a week long shutdown so everyone gets a holiday. We’re not being “woke” or othering each other, we just realise enjoying Christmastime is about more than one day. And frankly, given the enormous number of threads on here about Christmas Day, clearly many people do not enjoy it in the least.

poissonrouge1 · 12/01/2022 23:09

I say merry Christmas to everyone. I don’t give a shit what colour you are. The reason you’re all off work is because it is christmas.