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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do I feel bothered by this?

64 replies

Chocomelon · 12/01/2022 17:20

Just got in from the local farm shop. Been going about 3 years. We always make polite small talk. I asked how his Christmas was. He said it was nice and then started to ask how my Christmas was but hesitated and changed it to "holiday period".

I am not white so I am assuming he wasn't sure if he knew whether I celebrate Christmas. I expect he was trying to be polite or inclusive but I felt offended he didn't just ask how my Christmas was. He would have if I were white!

I realise someone sound be offended if they asked how their Christmas was and they don't celebrate it.

I did go there for our turkey and veggies but I woundnt expect him to remember that...

The thing is I'm thinking I might have dove the same thing!

OP posts:
Yummmg · 12/01/2022 23:10

YABU

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 13/01/2022 01:18

@poissonrouge1

I say merry Christmas to everyone. I don’t give a shit what colour you are. The reason you’re all off work is because it is christmas.
Exactly *@poissonrouge!*!
Original poster
Chocomelon · 13/01/2022 10:21

Maybe offended wasn't the right word. More I was bothered slightly at the time. I think partly because we are quite friendly when I see him and it wasn't a stock response (my DH who is white says "happy holidays"). He hesitated like for a second he didn't know what to say to me.

Some PPs seem to get it.

I have also bought my Christmas turkey from him for the last three years.

I'm not going to get upset about it though or behave any differently when I see him.

OP posts:
TallyHoMyLittlePeachMuffin · 13/01/2022 10:33

You are jumping to conclusions. It's OK for your husband to say but you are offended when someone says it to you? Hmm

winolady · 13/01/2022 20:33

@Chocomelon you're right to be annoyed by it. And I guarantee everyone contesting it in this post would also feel the same. Unfortunately mumsnet is full on a lot of angry types who absolutely jump on posts like this, I see it all the time, it's like they have the intense need to contest absolutely anything, they'd probably be good as the opposition party, but it's a shame on situations like this, where the OP is rightly offended! They then jump on and make the OP feel worse!!! Shows how miserable they are, but take one thing away from this OP - YANBU!!!! X

EishetChayil · 13/01/2022 20:41

I would personally love that. It would save me from the annual breezy "Hanukkah for us! Yes it was lovely. No, DD doesn't miss Santa" etc etc.

RedPandaFluff · 13/01/2022 20:45

I was in the reverse situation last week and I was really annoyed with myself. I went to the post office and was chit-chatting with the man behind the counter - I asked him if he'd had a nice Christmas and new year, and as soon as the words were out of my mouth I realised he might not even celebrate Christmas. He was very polite about it; but I was still kicking myself Blush

Ponoka7 · 13/01/2022 20:48

Has your husband said Happy Holidays to him? On the one hand I understand how assumptions can be annoying, there's no bad intent behind it.

Original poster
Chocomelon · 13/01/2022 20:50

Thank you @winolady I think you are right

I don't think I've said anything too controversial and if I'm slightly bothered by something I'm not sure why that is so offensive to some?!

@TallyHoMyLittlePeachMuffin I can only assume you've misunderstood or cannot read. My DH says happy holidays to everyone as a matter of course. This person was about to mention Christmas then awkwardly stopped and changed it to "how was your time off?" or something, clearly not his stock response to everyone.

I also updated that "offended" isn't quite it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocomelon · 13/01/2022 20:51

@Ponoka7

Has your husband said Happy Holidays to him? On the one hand I understand how assumptions can be annoying, there's no bad intent behind it.
DH hasn't been in for a while but I agree there's definitely no bad intent and it's really not a huge thing on the scheme of things
OP posts:
Original poster
Chocomelon · 13/01/2022 20:52

@RedPandaFluff

I was in the reverse situation last week and I was really annoyed with myself. I went to the post office and was chit-chatting with the man behind the counter - I asked him if he'd had a nice Christmas and new year, and as soon as the words were out of my mouth I realised he might not even celebrate Christmas. He was very polite about it; but I was still kicking myself Blush
I totally get this and even said in my OP that I would be the same and not know what to say if I wasn't sure whether someone celebrated Christmas or that I might hesitate.
OP posts:
Original poster
Chocomelon · 13/01/2022 20:52

But I but my Christmas turkey and pigs in blanket from him!! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocomelon · 13/01/2022 20:52

buy

OP posts:
Antsgomarching · 13/01/2022 21:04

I’d agree about the othering thing, I think white people sometimes don’t get it. Its just another small way of feeling different. Either he was trying to be kind or was told to say holidays but he sounds like a nice person trying to get it right. I just say merry xmas to everyone tbh. My family even say it to each other and not a single one of us is christian, no abrahamic connections whatsoever. We just like xmas lol.

Makes me feel a bit sad that people feel worried that anyone would be offended by this though.

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