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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 year old refusing activities

58 replies

Frizzyhairhelp · 12/01/2022 10:41

Uses to love them. Now refuses. Swimming lessons although He loves swimming with us. Very despondent. Any advice?

OP posts:
Stath · 12/01/2022 10:49

Does he go to school? Perhaps he’s just knackered and wants to stay home and play? Especially after Christmas when they generally have lots of new, exciting toys?

BlueSky8 · 12/01/2022 10:50

As pp when does he do them?
After school he's probs shattered.

Stath · 12/01/2022 10:51

Can you tell us what a typical week looks like for him?
If he’s been at home for the Christmas holidays with you then it’s natural for home to not want to do extra curricular stuff.

Original poster
Frizzyhairhelp · 12/01/2022 10:53

Wednesday is his day off nursery so only this this morning. He's stubborn. It's an activity he used to love and has been doing for years

OP posts:
lanthanum · 12/01/2022 10:54

Start-of-term-itis. Mine used to have meltdowns after school for the first week or so of term until she was about 8/9 - the first week back is always tiring.
If it was a problem last term, then it's a more general "school is as much as they can cope with" problem, and you just need to wait until he's a litle older.

Original poster
Frizzyhairhelp · 12/01/2022 10:54

The swimming lessons are new so I can understand that a bit more

OP posts:
BlueSky8 · 12/01/2022 10:55

Has he started to refuse since Xmas?
He probably just needs abit time to find his feet again and get back into nursery routine.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/01/2022 10:55

I’m not a group activity person as an adult. Children are people too Smile

Original poster
Frizzyhairhelp · 12/01/2022 10:55

I've left the room as I can't watch it

OP posts:
pinkiepiee · 12/01/2022 10:57

My DD is like this - desperate to go to ballet until it's the day of and then refuses. Honestly, I think you have to lump it. They are so small and they do get tired. I plan to just keep suggesting but not pressurising.

elelel · 12/01/2022 11:19

@Frizzyhairhelp

I've left the room as I can't watch it

Can't watch the activity? Or is he upset? Of the latter please just go get him, hug him and take him to the park on the way home.

Original poster
Frizzyhairhelp · 12/01/2022 11:20

He's not upset he's standing there with his arms crossed

OP posts:
elelel · 12/01/2022 11:21

He is upset. He isn't joining in and doesn't want to be there. Give him a break. Take him home.

Original poster
Frizzyhairhelp · 12/01/2022 11:22

I can't watch as I'll just say something I'll regret

OP posts:
pinkiepiee · 12/01/2022 11:34

I think you have to respect their limitations. I really do understand your position as it's great watching them learn new skills, take exercise etc. But if you don't respect his limits then he won't learn to either.

I think when they are in a growth spurt or development stage they can be low energy. Just roll with it I reckon. Lower your expectations!

elelel · 12/01/2022 11:35

I presume you take your 4 year old to activities for enjoyment? Your child is not enjoying it. Why would you say something you would regret? You just take him home and get on with your day. It's not for him, for whatever reason. Wait a day or 2 then ask if he wants to go again and gauge his reaction.

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 12/01/2022 11:39

Has he had an ear infection recently? That can make children a bit scared of going swimming because they associate it with pain.

He's a little boy, just hug him and read a story then decide what to do for the day. He could be tired, or missing you, or just really not want to swim. Missing one activity really doesn't matter, I don't know why you've zoomed into over-react mode with a dramatic "can't watch" and "say something I'll regret". Do you usually have such a temper?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 12/01/2022 11:42

If you aren't watching your 4 year old who is by a pool - who is?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 12/01/2022 11:42

OP I get you're annoyed but he doesn't want to be there, this isn't fun for anyone. Go and get him, give him a hug and try again another day.

BlueSky8 · 12/01/2022 11:43

@Frizzyhairhelp

I can't watch as I'll just say something I'll regret
It's not that deep. He doesn't want to do so remove him until he wants to. It's no big deal.
Original poster
Frizzyhairhelp · 12/01/2022 11:44

It's an activity he has always loved. I prefer to leave it after having tried a few times to encourage him. I'm very tired with an ill baby last night so knew I might have said something which wouldn't have helped.

Thanks for the supportive suggestions and thank you (Not!) to those who are obviously perfect parents who never get annoyed ever by anything!

OP posts:
Original poster
Frizzyhairhelp · 12/01/2022 11:45

Sorry- 2 activities. One he has done for ever which was today. The other is swimming lessons which I can understand more!

OP posts:
eddiemairswife · 12/01/2022 11:46

Why is everyone so keen for their children to have activities? What is so wrong with playing at home, or, horror of horrors, watching TV?

Original poster
Frizzyhairhelp · 12/01/2022 11:47

For ages not for ever!

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 12/01/2022 11:48

You're tired, he's stroppy, you've got an ill baby.

No wonder you're wound up. Forget about it for today, go back, get some rest

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