4 year old refusing activities

[Frizzyhairhelp]

Uses to love them. Now refuses. Swimming lessons although He loves swimming with us. Very despondent. Any advice?

My 5 year old went through this and 3 year old starting to go through this. If they have told me they want to do it and I've paid then they have to at least go. I tell them though that if they don't like it they can leave (I be outside) and if they don't enjoy it they don't have to go back next week. They have yet to come out saying they didn't enjoy something. It is always yes i want to go back next week and occasionally cycle would continue. 5 year old is totally out the other side of this and looks forward to all her activities. 3 year old is now at the stage where she struggles to move between activities. Doesn't want to go as playing at home etc. So won't get changed into her gear. But when leaving the house to take her sister she will come running looking to go. I don't force her to get changed because she is still little, I would rather her have fun doing the activity. (the class also has other kids not in uniform so it is not like she is the only one)

Thanks everyone!

Hi I think if you do family things that mean swimming is a necessity then it is a non negotiable activity. I think he will soon get bored of standing with his arms crossed and just join in. Perhaps appeal to a competitive side by having some form or reward chart based on the things he is learning at swimming. Perhaps have a level after which he can stop eg. 25metres .

I find little boys are open to bribery!

My 4 year old screamed about swimming classes for years but we stuck at it as I think it's just something they need to learn. These days she loves it so I'm glad we did. I find with other activities she is much better if I'm not there, as for some reason the minute I'm in the room she won't get involved or interact with the other children. I thought that perhaps she has a social anxiety but I am told she is very popular and loves it when I'm not there... but I can totally relate to how you felt today. I have felt exasperated in the past when we have organised an activity or she goes to a party and all the other children are happy and seem to love doing the activity together, whilst my daughter hides behind my legs crying.

It's not the swimming lesson OP is talking about.

I think at this age there's a bit of shift from doing activities purely for the fun of it, to a bigger expectation that you will follow instructions, make progress, and actually learn.

I think a lot of kids simply find it less fun, they start being aware they maybe can't instantly do everything that's being asked of them, it's a bit harder.

My DS has been a bit the same, I just make it clear that in return for me taking him "fun" swimming on the weekend, he has to do his best in lessons on a weekday. I also dropped another activity as realised we were doing too much.

Thank you so much to everyone who understands the feelings i had!

I think as @LovelyMoans says it might be a case of not feeling good at it (For some reason). It's very hard to get 121 swimming lessons around here and I'm not keen to repeat weekly the experience of him refusing to go in while everyone else is happy to! I don't want to put him off it.

As for the activity he has always done, I'm really hoping it's a 1st day after Xmas blip...

I'm a bit surprised at some of the negative assumptions that have been made by some, I must say!

I just found this thread as was searching for a similar problem… 4yo dd suddenly refusing to take part in gymnastics after being really enthusiastic about it previously. I totally get your frustration, especially when tired. Jeeeeeez, some of these comments. Why do so many people immediately rush to judgement? Have they honestly never experienced frustration at the contradictions of 3/4yos?! For me it’s been tricky deciding how to play it. I certainly wouldn’t force her to do an activity I honestly thought she hated, but it’s harder when you suspect they do enjoy it really. Shame for them to miss out entirely because of a temporary blip. Just wanted to say solidarity really, and I hope it all worked out for the best for you.