Stag do- unreasonable?

[Louisa3]

Hi,

I just need some help in if I’m being unreasonable to try to suggest My other half is an usher for one of his best friends this year and they’re just organising the stag do.

The stag will be somewhere abroad in the summer for 4 days, costing about £500. My OH is self employed and so will loose out on a full weeks pay to go on the holiday as the groom is booking it mon-fri to save money 🙄.
All in all this stag holiday is going to cost near enough £1600 (with the cost of the holiday, lost earnings and spending money). This means we wave goodbye to any hopes of a holiday this year. We’ve never been able to go on a proper holiday together yet only 4 days in Devon and a few local weekends away so I’m a bit miffed that we’re having to spend so much for them to go away to be honest while I won’t get to spend any time with OH this year as we just can’t afford for him to take any other time off in a block and book a holiday. It also doesn’t help the wedding is mid week and not local so it’s another 2 days off to attend the wedding + a hotel which again is going to cost a lot of money when you factor in a gift, drinks etc as well.

OH has said that really none of the rest of the stag party can afford to go and that the groom is just going to pay the balance and they repay him which I think is a bit of a bad move. We can afford to pay it upfront (just) but not comfortably without meaning we can just about cover our bills.

We’ve got our own wedding to pay for next year so the only chance we’d get to go away together is the end of next year or into 2024 for a honeymoon. Am I being unreasonable for being upset about this? We booked our wedding for a Saturday to try to cause as little disruption for people with work as possible and I have asked OH to really think about his stag next year and not put people in the same position we’ve been put in in regards to money and feeling your obligation to go.

@Shiningpath

Because one of the friends might do something far more affordable.

There’s no logic in that at all. A friend might be equally extravagant, or even more extravagant.

Not if they're all in the same boat as the OP's partner, which is what she said in the beginning

Obviously you're right, and in your family's situation, he shouldn't go. He needs to work up the courage to bail out.

My husband and I routinely go away for that long for a budget of £250 each. Five days in Europe, couples accommodation not stags.

And flights are dirt cheap at the moment. As is accommodation. So frankly, the costs are taking the piss, let alone anything else.

Exactly that. He’s worked hard to learn his trade and is the most skilled and requested worker for the company he works for. We’ve worked our backsides off to earn what we have. In our mid 20’s we’ve brought our own home and completely gutted it and started again with no ones help or loans just the money we earn, and now we’re doing the same for our wedding. Unfortunately although we have spare money for some time off we’re not in a position as of yet that we have another pot of savings, so time off is just as and when with a week off when we can.

That's not a stag do it's a lads' holiday abroad. The fact that one of the lads will be pushing a ring onto a woman's finger in a few months' time doesn't upgrade it past your own needs as a couple with- like most of us- finite money and annual leave/lost earnings time to burn.

That is a lot of money for a stag do!! Get him to say to the stag one night not to far away is plenty.

You both sound really sensible with your heads screwed on. Don't let this shit dictate to you both. Put your feet down together as team and say 'sorry we can't do this'.