How are you with phone calls?

[balladofthesadcafe]

I’m…not great. I used to have psych myself up to ring the doctors etc, but now it’s more being overheard. I didn’t realise how bad I had this until I started working in an open-plan office. It’s really affecting me tbh. I guess it’s a kind of social anxiety/phobia, a bit like a fear of public speaking.
I think the worst thing is I find being like this so embarrassing! It’s such an everyday task and taken for granted in all kinds of jobs.
Anyway, according to the internet this is apparently a lot more common than I’d realised. I wondered if anyone else is the same?

I don’t have any issue with personal phone calls, I don’t mind making calls to organise things or just to chat. I prefer to message about certain things, such as organisational stuff if I can though. It’s specifically office-based calls of any nature that can be overheard that I dislike. I can’t write a script or plan for incoming calls. I hate the idea of being caught on the hoof, or grasping for a word, or stuttering.

I'm the opposite, I hate texting/emailing back and forth. Just pick up the phone it's much quicker

Same here. I much prefer a two way conversation than arsing around waiting for a response to an email. I can’t remember the last time I sent a text.

Why take hours or days over something that can be sorted with a two minute phone call?

@RampantIvy I can't just turn my anxiety off unfortunately. I've never met the woman. My husband however has so wouldn't be that weird for him to call.

I'm good at making calls when I need to.

But if someone calls me, 9 times out of 10 I don't pick up and wait for the text afterwards 🙃

I don't mind as a general rule but sometimes, if you are short on time, texting is easier because you don't have all the preliminaries and you can answer when you want.

With the phone, you could be in the middle of something or paying at the checkout. It's not always convenient.

Phone calls are better if it's more complicated, want a quick response or you just want to chat.

A lot of phone phobia comes from the advent of mobiles. People honestly expect you to be available all the time

I prefer the phone to most other forms of communication. Bloody hate video calls, if I'm in my pyjamas I'd rather no-one saw

I struggle with this OP

I don't like phone calls either. Would much prefer a text/email.
I hate calling people because I feel like I am interrupting them from whatever they are doing. I would much rather send a message that they can read and respond to in their own time.
If I HAVE to make a phone call I usually write down what I want to say beforehand and psyche myself up for it.
I hate receiving phone calls because I hate being put on the spot to answer things. I would much rather get a message, have a little time to think about whatever it is and then respond.
I would much rather chat to someone in person than on the phone. I like to see their facial expressions and I feel the flow of conversation with most people is easier in person.
I love that I can now make hairdresser, restaurant appointments etc online. I find it so much easier and you can see what times are available etc rather than being put on the spot with a time on the phone.
I actually even hate the sound of my phone ringing It makes me anxious and I worry it might be bad news. I also hate the sound of my doorbell.

I hate calling people because I feel like I am interrupting them from whatever they are doing.

If I want to talk to my sister or cousin I message them first and ask if they are free. I do this at work before calling someone at work on Teams as well.

Do the posters who never answer the phone never have to talk to a doctor then? And why do people think they are always going to be put on the spot?

I don’t hate talking on the phone per se but I always hated it in the open plan office. I’m partially deaf and seem to have a habit of talking very loudly on the phone because I think the person can’t hear me, when actually it’s me who can’t hear me 😂 I have to try hard to tone it down as I think it annoys people sometimes even though I genuinely don’t do it on purpose.

I'm so relieved I'm not the only one. I just cannot make phone calls. I find it so hard to follow what the other person is saying, especially if they have any kind of accent at all, however slight. I get more and more stressed the longer they talk. Sometimes I cry or get irrationally angry. I couldn't tell you why, it's completely illogical. Just to make it even stranger, some days I can do it without a problem. I wish I knew how to fix it - in fact I'm getting that dread feeling just thinking about it now...

@penguinwithasuitcase

I have no issues on the phone but I'm REALLY curious about what it's like for those of you who struggle with it.

Do you feel the same way talking to strangers face to face? If you walked into a doctor's surgery and spoke to the receptionist, for example –or only if you can't see them?

Is it a fear you feel? And if so, what's the fear of?

I'm exactly the same as the Op, I hate phone calls and I have to prepare for days for them. I won't answer a with held number or leave a voicemail message myself.

I'm socially anxious and awkward but if I have to them face to face communication is so much easier for me, I think because I can read their body language and gage their reaction. You can't do that on a phone everything is flat and hard to decode

Those who hate it, do you also struggle with making a GP appointment in person? Or chatting to the waitress if you are in a cafe on your own?

Why would you chat to the waitress? You only need to talk about what you want to order, maybe ask what the soup of the day is. She's probably busy enough anyway, so won't have time to chat.

I was fine when I was at work - well I mean I hated them but was good at pretending I didn’t - now I’m a sahm I put phone calls off literally for weeks. I don’t know why. I don’t get anxious. I just hate them.

Really hate them! Feels very tying, and you always just want the person to bugger off!

I’m totally fine with face to face, I just don’t like the telephone.

I have a stammer so phone calls with people who don't know me are difficult. I need to make calls for work and have had people in the past ask to speak to someone else! It's generally the arsey people anyway who ask that and I tell them it's me or no one and can they please be patient. It's frustrating as I'm a confident person but my speech let's me down.

I'm 38 so grew up having to call friends on the landline. I hate zoom/teams though. Rather people didn't see me struggling and I blush easy so I'd rather a phone call.

@RampantIvy

Have you met my family?

I started out good and got worse as I had to make the same mundane calls day in and out. Ended up feeling like a robot and the more I tried not to think about it the more I started to feel like I was faking - which I was at the end.

Having moved to the construction sector and not having to schmooze clients anymore its effortless. All calls have a straightforward non tactical purpose, like sorting a delivery schedule.

Interesting topic. I became really phobic of taking calls in my teens because my father would call and berate me - v abusive character I eventually went nc with.

I don't equate phone calls with my father especially but whilst generally I'm fine with calls - when my mh crashes it's one of the most noticeable symptoms - when I can't cope with the phone.

This thread has made me realise I must make the dds make calls regularly to services ie people they don't know for the practice. It's a life skill I think.

Why would you chat to the waitress? You only need to talk about what you want to order, maybe ask what the soup of the day is. She's probably busy enough anyway, so won't have time to chat.

Because I’m a sociable, friendly person. I can pick up the cues if someone is rushed of their feet, and order quickly and efficiently, but if they are not so busy I might ask them about their day/weekend/Christmas, mention the new menu/decor, talk about something that’s going on in town that they might have noticed etc. For me, going into a cafe doesn’t have to just be transactional, talking to people makes it a more pleasant experience. I know that not everyone is like me, but I was wondering if the people who dislike/avoid the phone are the same people who dislike other unplanned conversations.

I agree with you about open plan offices. I don’t have a phobia as such but hated being overheard. I’d always either make calls in an available private meeting room or turn my chair to face the wall at the side of me (which was better as people weren’t in my line of sight). I also had a headset which meant I was a bit more mobile than I would otherwise have been.

In my current role we have individual offices that we share with one other person. My room-mate is very often not in at the same time so I haven’t had the issue for a while, and working from home during the pandemic is obviously much easier.

@HelloDulling most people who post on threads like this are extreme introverts who hate small talk, and prefer any conversation to be transactional.

I'm fine with it but then I worked in a call centre for years.

I answer phones and make calls as part of my job which I ha e no problem with. I find that calls for personal reasons take a lot of effort, even calling the takeaway I hate!