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AIBU?

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Original poster

How are you with phone calls?

106 replies

balladofthesadcafe · 10/01/2022 14:58

I’m…not great. I used to have psych myself up to ring the doctors etc, but now it’s more being overheard. I didn’t realise how bad I had this until I started working in an open-plan office. It’s really affecting me tbh. I guess it’s a kind of social anxiety/phobia, a bit like a fear of public speaking.
I think the worst thing is I find being like this so embarrassing! It’s such an everyday task and taken for granted in all kinds of jobs.
Anyway, according to the internet this is apparently a lot more common than I’d realised. I wondered if anyone else is the same?

OP posts:
Mossstitch · 10/01/2022 15:56

I hate it at home and at work particularly if I can be overheard, have to psych myself up. I have to ring relatives of patients at work and go out of my way to find a phone out of hearing but if I can't I just get on with it and pretend it doesn't bother me. 'fake it til you make it style' nobody knows except my best friend who wouldn't dream of ringing me😂 we whatsapp or meet up👏 I think it's actually quite common. I'm 'mature' so nothing to do with age!

EmpressSuiko · 10/01/2022 15:58

I hate speaking in the phone, I turn into a blabbering mess and avoid it at all costs, I have to rehearse what I’m going to say before I make any phone call and I always mess it up once the phone is picked up!
I’m desperately trying to find a remote job but everything is telephone based so I’m completely stumped :(

FelicityBob · 10/01/2022 16:00

I’ve got a phonecall to make today and have been putting it off all day, I absolutely hate ringing people

ilovesooty · 10/01/2022 16:01

I work on the phone most of the day anyway and worked in an open plan office for years.

I'd much rather talk than text

I think struggling with phone conversation is becoming more widespread though.

iglpgl · 10/01/2022 16:02

I hate it - always have. Like some others, I have to psych myself up before making a call.

I'll also actively choose businesses that offer other contact methods (email/online chat) over those I have to phone...

namechanger2222 · 10/01/2022 16:05

I do it for my job all the time. It's super important to be good on the phone in what I do.

Just always think about why you're calling before you call the GP for example.

Hi, my name is Joan Rivers, I'm calling to book an appointment with the doctor today.

Hi, this is Joan Rivers calling. I am calling to find out when the bin collection days are for my borough. Are you the right person to speak to ? Or would you kindly help me get to the right place ?

Hi, it's Amelia calling. I'm very interested in understanding how your services work. Who is the right person to speak to about this ?

These are random ones that popped to mind.

But if you always do:

Intro
Why you're calling

You can't go wrong and it starts the call off really well and then it just flows. Try to be as succinct as possible. Before you pick up the phone, really have a think about what you need to get from the call and then try to say it in the simplest way for the other person to understand.

I'm quite good at it now, but hear others all the time and they just haven't really thought about how to best phrase why they're calling. They then stutter and lose it and it becomes difficult to recover. If you start off right, it really helps.

Original poster
balladofthesadcafe · 10/01/2022 16:05

@FelicityBob

I’ve got a phonecall to make today and have been putting it off all day, I absolutely hate ringing people
My advice is to keep reminding yourself how much better you’ll feel once it’s done.Smile
OP posts:
Bluebluemoon · 10/01/2022 16:06

I HATE talking on the phone and actively avoid it. If I have to make an appointment or whatever, fine - it's not that I lack confidence. I just don't like it and would prefer to text/WhatsApp.

I just feel like I prefer living in a bit of a bubble and I'm quite happy it just being me (Im a sahm and do a bit of work from home)and then speaking to dh and the dc's when they come home.
I also really love peace and quiet and don't often watch tv or listen to music (although I do go through phases). I sometimes wonder if I've a bit of adhd.

Im the same in public - I don't like small talk and will try to avoid it. The delivery man earlier was waffling on about nothing and I was polite and friendly but I just wanted to slam the door in his face!!

penguinwithasuitcase · 10/01/2022 16:07

I have no issues on the phone but I'm REALLY curious about what it's like for those of you who struggle with it.

Do you feel the same way talking to strangers face to face? If you walked into a doctor's surgery and spoke to the receptionist, for example –or only if you can't see them?

Is it a fear you feel? And if so, what's the fear of?

namechanger2222 · 10/01/2022 16:08

Also another tip.

Write down your reason for the call, before you make the call. Then your nerves won't get the better of you.

Even write down your intro at first.

The more you practice, the easier it will become.

Ifitistobesaid · 10/01/2022 16:10

I hate it. I don’t mind phone or video calls where you’ve agree a time in advance to speak and are prepared for it, but receiving or making a call out of the blue almost seems like an act of aggression.

Original poster
balladofthesadcafe · 10/01/2022 16:14

@penguinwithasuitcase

I have no issues on the phone but I'm REALLY curious about what it's like for those of you who struggle with it.

Do you feel the same way talking to strangers face to face? If you walked into a doctor's surgery and spoke to the receptionist, for example –or only if you can't see them?

Is it a fear you feel? And if so, what's the fear of?

I’ve always been shy/anxious and when I was a teenager I’d struggle to walk into a shop and talk to the shop assistant for example. I’d have this overwhelming feeling that I wouldn’t be able to talk properly, which then caused exactly that. Anyway, I am long past that because you just have to get over that to go through life. I feel like all my anxiety/shyness has been funnelled into the phone/public speaking/talking to an audience, if that makes sense. Probably because they’re least practised.
OP posts:
Original poster
balladofthesadcafe · 10/01/2022 16:16

@Weirdwonders

I could have written this! I didn’t realise it was such a problem until I moved from a job in which I had my own office to one where I had an open plan office and started having public panic attacks due to how nervous I would get listening to my own voice in a huge otherwise silent office. Wfh has been a godsend in that regard as I don’t mind the conversations themselves, it’s the being overheard by my boss and colleagues aspect that I hated.
Exactly this :(
OP posts:
AlwaysAuntie · 10/01/2022 16:16

Glad I'm not alone with this, I often ignore calls unless they're from my mum or am expecting it. Even then I like to be alone in the room.

KatherineJaneway · 10/01/2022 16:17

I used to, I don't anymore. if I am nervous I rehearse what I will say when calling or even answering the phone or write down key points so I don't forget to say something if I phone someone.

Kite22 · 10/01/2022 16:17

I wonder if that’s something they manage to overcome at work?

Yes, my eldest (he's 25) has to make calls all the time at work now to people he doesn't know, and answer them too, yet I had to really force him to when he was 18 and for many years afterwards.
My dh still isn't keen on calling companies (utilities, banks, insurance etc) if he can possibly avoid it.

Sparklingbrook · 10/01/2022 16:17

DS1 as a child could never look anyone in the eye. Teachers/shop assistants he just couldn't.
But he got a PT job in retail at 16 and he suddenly was the shop assistant and it was a turning point. Maybe if that job had involved the phone he'd be better and more relaxed about it now.

MaybeHeIsMyCat · 10/01/2022 16:18

I hate it and avoid it
And I work in a call centre GrinGrinGrin

southernbelles · 10/01/2022 16:20

Oh god, I absolutely DETEST using the phone! Particularly making calls. In a previous job I had part of it was to phone people who had submitted applications; I had to psych myself up to do it, & would always email instead of that was possible. The utter relief if their voicemail kicked in so I didn't have to talk to them 'live', or even better, if they didn't answer & had no voicemail facility!
My current job involves calling companies to discuss working with them; it's not quite cold calling but feels like it. It's the part of the job I hate the most but fortunately only a small part. I even struggle if a company leaves me a message asking me to call them.
Not long ago I had a part-time job in a call centre, I cried most days!! I started it because I needed the money ASAP & thought I'd get used to it, but I never did. The phone calls came thick & fast for the entire shift, I have honestly never hated anything more. During the beginning of the pandemic when our services were reduced was the worst, we went from 17 calls waiting being a bad thing, to days where 137 calls waiting was standard Confused I honestly can barely stand to even think of it. I really struggle to understand people on the phone too, if they had a thick accent or a bad line it is real torture.

southernbelles · 10/01/2022 16:22

@MaybeHeIsMyCat

I hate it and avoid it And I work in a call centre GrinGrinGrin
Ha, I did for 2 years, why do we do it to ourselves?!
Natsku · 10/01/2022 16:22

I used to really struggle with phone calls, it was part of my anxiety. After therapy I've gotten better - I still need to plan out what I'll say beforehand but I don't stress so much about it any more.

I didn't have the issue when I was younger though, I mean in childhood, and was fine calling people's houses to ask their parents if I can speak to my friends etc. it wasn't until my early adulthood that this issue started.

OldTinHat · 10/01/2022 16:24

I hate this too. I've even turned off the voicemail on my phone so I can ignore calls and don't have to stress about having to listen to a message.

Crunched · 10/01/2022 16:25

I am well over 35 but cannot speak on the phone socially.
At work I have no issue, probably because I have no choice but to call. With friends and family however I feel myself being put on the spot and agreeing to things I don't want to do, or being misquoted over arrangements. Everyone accepts it now and texts thankfully.

KeepYaHeadUp · 10/01/2022 16:25

I'm the same. I've got better at the phone call element but, like you, find being overheard awful. Work in an open plan office and have etc have some difficult, conflict-ridden phone conversations. When I first started my job I was kind of left to it and didn't really know what I was doing and just wanted the ground to swallow me up. Working from home has massively helped for this reason - I have build confidence up massively in the privacy of my own home

piney07 · 10/01/2022 16:26

When I first started working I would go into a meeting room to make my calls as I felt very shy, it was also a more sales type role so I felt like my performance would be monitored so it was easier to do in private. Now that I’m not really in sales I don’t mind chatting on the phone when people can hear me.

When I was younger I would dread personal phone calls and even find phone calls to friends stressful, nowadays I am totally fine. So I do think it’s something you can just grow to be more comfortable with over time!

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