How are you with phone calls?

[balladofthesadcafe]

I’m…not great. I used to have psych myself up to ring the doctors etc, but now it’s more being overheard. I didn’t realise how bad I had this until I started working in an open-plan office. It’s really affecting me tbh. I guess it’s a kind of social anxiety/phobia, a bit like a fear of public speaking.
I think the worst thing is I find being like this so embarrassing! It’s such an everyday task and taken for granted in all kinds of jobs.
Anyway, according to the internet this is apparently a lot more common than I’d realised. I wondered if anyone else is the same?

I hate being overheard on the phone in any context whether at work or at home but I enjoy a natter if I am at home alone and on phone to friends or colleagues . I need to be able to do something else to distract myself while on phone though

There are techniques to help you make phone calls. Standing up often helps . Writing down your opening sentence. Writing down your closing line.

I think I heard someone describe it as "biting the head off a frog". It has to be done, and won't be good, but it'll be ok once you've done it.

You sound just like me!
Absolutely hate making phonecalls. I used to work in a care home and I'd go into an empty room to make phonecalls. Weirdly fine once they'd answered and would wander back to the desk. Also fine with answering the phone and absolutely no anxiety when having to ring 999.
But the thought of actually having to make a phonecall makes me horribly anxious.

@OldTinHat

I hate this too. I've even turned off the voicemail on my phone so I can ignore calls and don't have to stress about having to listen to a message.

The more you use a phone the easier it becomes. I used to be in telesales. When I first started I was as nervous as anything, but now I just make and take phone calls as a matter of course.

Being a parent you have to accept that school/medical HCPs are likely to call you, and doctors/hospitals always have witheld numbers.

@OldTinHat do you never have to ring the doctor or dentist and await a call back?

As a teen, I had a manager who I finally realised hated using the phone. She'd use all sorts of ruses to get me to make a call on her behalf, despite the fact that she had a phone on a desk in an office and my job was on the shop floor. Drove me crazy.

I hate phone calls. It's as if my brain shuts down while I'm on the phone. With a bit of forward planning, I can ask a question or seek information. But then I lose concentration and can't focus on what the person is saying. I'm also really bad at knowing when to shut my face. I keep filling any potential silences with complete and utter nonsense. It's all very stressful!

I used to hate talking on the phone but I'm a bit better now. I still put off making important calls though or to somewhere new. I'm fine receiving calls, its worse when I have to start the conversation because I don't know what to say! I also realised it's because I can't see their facial expressions or body language over the phone. At work I much prefer to speak to someone in person than over email/phone for that same reason.

Gawd I hate making phone calls! Especially as I grew up in a different country and am very aware of my accent. ANd wondering if I'll be judged.

It becomes doubly painful in front of other people. I admit I am one of those who will eavesdrop on conversations So I always assume someone will also be listening to mine.

Doesn't help that I'm a bit awkward in general. When I was a teen, I was even ashamed to eat in front of people. Yes I was that awkward.

Oh and if anyone so much as makes a movement in my general direction or speaks one word while I'm on the phone, I lose the whole thread of the conversation

I wonder if people are less used to using the phone for conversation these days as there are other methods of communication?

I pre-date email, text, social media etc, and back in the day the only way to contact someone when you required an immediate answer was to use the telephone and actually speak to someone.

Maybe us older people are less wary of using the telephone?

I'm old and retired now. Making and answering calls to family and friends is fine but I've always had to psych myself up to phone tradespeople or companies, especially if they're new to me. Weeks can go by and it hangs over me like a dark cloud.

When I finally make the call, the relief is fantastic and I wonder why i didn't do it sooner.

In my working life I had to be assertive and make decisions but didn't have to phone often, thank goodness.

I'm fine with work calls or anything 'official', such as the doctor or HMRC or whatever, but I loathe calling 'for a chat'.

If it's friends or family, a phone call is something along the lines of 'do you want to meet up at XX on XX? Grand, see you then.'

Then we talk.

I hate them. I let everything go to voicemail unless it's immediate family, and call back once I know who it is and what they want to talk about. It's a combination of fears- if someone else is present on my end, they'll be listening and might think I sound weird or am saying wrong or stupid things. The person on the other end might ask me a question I don't want to answer or don't know the answer to, or might pressure me - this is ten times worse if they're somebody 'official'.

When I was a teenager I used to modify my accent (Estuary, the kind lots of MNetters hate and call 'wrong') on the phone to be more clearly understood, and my family always took the piss out of me for it, which didn't help.

Unexpectedly, I've had no problem with calling other people when I'm doing it for work. Possibly because I'm the 'authority' in that situation, I'm speaking not as my embarrassing self but a representative of my workplace, and if the person I'm calling asks something I'm not sure about, I know who to ask/forward them on to.

@RampantIvy I used to be fine but since living alone and becoming ill, I rely on my carer to help with things like that.

This is me! I think it's not having the visual clues about when and how to end the convo

I am better on video calls than phone calls. I think on phone calls, you miss all the body language. Obviously you miss that with written communication too, but you don't have to respond instantly with written communication, even though IMs are "instant" in name. And there have ways been alternatives - I have always been a great letter writer. (Part of me is Victorian.. )

With work calls, or calls to the doctor etc, there's usually a plan of what you want to talk about, so that's easier than random social calls. I can do social calls, I just don't relish them.

Bit shit.

I email or go see people.

I can be slow processing information, so avoid phonecalls

I hate phone calls. I texted my sons friends mum about a play date, she called me in response and I just couldnt answer it it was two days ago and I still haven't called her back. I might make my husband call her later

I'm the opposite, I hate texting/emailing back and forth. Just pick up the phone it's much quicker

@balladofthesadcafe

I'm fine, but I am nearly 50, and have worked over 30 years, and have been in public-facing roles OR roles where I chat to the public a lot, for most of that time .... My current job (in the civil service,) involves talking to people on the phone (I work from home.) So I am fine with it, and I enjoy it.

It really doesn't bother me.

I will very rarely call anyone just for a chat though with the sole exception of my mother and that's only because I have to!

I find it intrusive. I can't take calls at work so leave my phone on silent. Outside work, I'm divorcing and moving house and I get calls from solicitors and estate agents at awkward times.
For personal calls I worry that I am phoning at an inconvenient time.
Text yes, email yes. The communication can be considered when the time is right, I have a written record and the response doesn't have to be immediate so I can think of an excuse

I would happy talk to people on the phone all day long. I’m generally a very chatty, sociable person, though, which may be very irritating.

Those who hate it, do you also struggle with making a GP appointment in person? Or chatting to the waitress if you are in a cafe on your own?

@Salamander91

I hate phone calls. I texted my sons friends mum about a play date, she called me in response and I just couldnt answer it it was two days ago and I still haven't called her back. I might make my husband call her later

Please don't do this. She will think you don't like her or are avoiding her. It isn't fair on the children.

I'm the opposite, I hate texting/emailing back and forth. Just pick up the phone it's much quicker

Same @hangrylady