to find it annoying when he asks for my consent all the time?

[loveandroses]

Lovely DP and I have a great relationship and love life. I have only one problem which is I find it really off-putting when he asks for my consent the whole time. Let me explain (slightly euphemistically so as not to scare the horses):

If things get hot and steamy and he gets to within an inch from dtd, he stops and asks me if I want to carry on. I could just about bear that but then while we are dtd, if we change position he asks again. In fact he asks every time. I can see how this might make sense the first time you have sex with someone but every single time?? AIBU?

MorningStarling! More like "Morning, Stalin"

Has he been accused of something before and is more aware?

I'd suggest that any man who is confused about what actual enthusiastic consent during sex looks like is either incredibly stupid, really terrible at sex, an actual rapist who's scared of finally getting caught, or a misogynist. Or a pick-n-mix of those.

None of those men should be having sex so PP's son is right.

OP's DH is just a bit confused. Safe word would definitely solve all this. Plus a list of things the OP generally consents to if they are going at it, and those she doesn't.

Prisons are not nice places, they're not meant to be nice places, the fear of getting locked up with a transgender rapist for 23 hours a day serves as a good deterrent not to be sent to prison in the first place. I don't want them to abuse a female prisoner, I don't want them to abuse anyone - but if they do, better their victim be a prisoner than a normal person.

I don't agree with a lot of posters on the trans debate on here by any means, but this is one of the most disgusting things I have ever read on MN.

@Pugroll

Has he been accused of something before and is more aware?

Or he's dated a CSA survivor and learned to be extremely specific.

@LarryTheLurker please go away.

I'm beyond shocked at PP saying OP's partner is being passive aggressive, doesn't know what it looks like when a woman is consenting, is doing it to make a point, is crap in bed etc etc.... To me it seems more likely that OP is very quiet/not vocal in bed and he really does have to ask her to make sure? If that's the case I could imagine him feeling really exasperated, I would want to know my partner's having a good time by their sounds/words/actions etc. If he's not getting that feedback then he's got no choice but to ask.

OP do you tell him what feels good/what you want?

There is literally nothing sexier than enthusiastic consent and I am baffled by people saying it ruins the mood or that he actually doesn't care about pleasing her - it's literally the opposite, he wants to make sure she's enjoying it, or why ask??

Get off the stage, Larry. Go back to lurking.