To ask for your help with a strategy for not drinking on a night out

[JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome]

I posted a while back about recognising I needed to take a break from alcohol, it hasn’t been an over riding success. Anyway I decided to seriously try to cut down this year. I didn’t drink all week and then decided to allow myself a few on Saturday with friends which had disastrous consequences, I got carried away and got extremely drunk spent next day in bits. Next Saturday I’m going for dinner with friends. Do I

1. stick to alcohol free drinks
2. set a limit for myself of say 3 drinks…

I think I’d be better with option 1 as I seem to be an all or nothing person but DH thinks I need to learn to just be able to have a few. I feel self conscious saying I’m not drinking…ridiculous I know…but don’t want to draw attention to it.

Any tips? I would drive but it’s much easier to get there by train.

1, definitely.

1
Having one or two clearly didn’t work on Saturday.

Moderation is a pain in the bum. If like me you find it hard to stop at one, then have none. Some good AF alternatives out there. Good luck :)

So many people are doing Dry January, use that for now...

I often don't drink on nights out. I really don't make a big thing of it, just ask for an Appletiser or sparkling water. No one has ever asked the reason I'm not drinking. If they did ask, I would probably just day that I don't feel like drinking this evening.

I started moderating by giving up wine as that was the one I couldn’t control. You could try that if there is one drink that you don’t have an off switch with. After two years wine free, I found I only drank once every three or four months, so now I am giving up altogether. Club Soda is a good group to join for support. I love not drinking alcohol now.

Go with your instant. Go with 1. Are you able to be honest with the people you're dining with? Can you say that you're just having a few days/weeks without? If you can't be honest just say youre attempting dry January. Hope it goes well.

Sorry OP but it sounds like you may not be capable of moderation. That is okay. You don't owe an explanation to anyone re: not drinking. Just order a soft drink and reply "I'm not drinking tonight" to anyone that asks. It's your responsibility.

Yes, you need to have no alcoholic drinks at all. I was in your shoes, I thought I could just cut down but I couldn't and I would black out every time. I choose not to drink now.

Try to see it as a positive thing and you won't feel like you're missing out (this takes about a year, it's not an overnight thing).

I think 1. I'm the same with junk food - a whole packet of biscuits or none at all! If I get the taste for it, that's it. I reckon moderation is a great thing to work towards but break the habit first.

*instinct

I’m similar to this, and only abstinence works for me. Try AF alternatives and, as a PP has said, look at some of the dry Jan stuff for inspiration. Good luck.

What? Why wouldn't you just tell them that you are Doing a Dry January? No one should even care.

1 …do not drink .
Do not allow yourself to be pressured by others to “ just have a few “.
I simply say ..I only want a soft drink .

It annoys me when people say “ why “ “just have one “ “leave the car” etc
It’s like drinking is mandatory.

Also ignore your husband encouraging you ( how much does he drink?)
Some people don’t have an off button and can’t stop at a few drinks ..
He should supporting you

People who are all or nothing rarely manage to change that and certainly not by Saturday. Stick to alcohol free for your night out, if you have the kind of friends who pressure you tell them you're on some medication which isn't compatible which drink. Or dry January as a pp said, you might find you're not the only one and your friends are relieved the pressure is off them!

Just say you are driving but take the train secretly.

You know you find it too hard to moderate. Don't drink.
Do you drive? If so, drive to the meal. You know you can't drink then.

Even if you did limit yourself yo say 3, after the third your inhibitions will have dropped and therefore your willpower. So many times I've had good intentions and once I've reached my pre set limit, my tipsy self has just said fuck it...

Dry January is a good excuse, as are saying you're on antibiotics, driving, whatever. Honestly people shouldn't be drawing loads of attention to it, and if they are then they're not really friends, and/or have their own insecurities about drinking.

There are loads of nice mocktails now and lots of places offer alcohol free drinks beyond flat coke and diet coke now.

Yes definitely #1. You don't have to make a big announcement, just pick up a glass of water. If anyone comments on that, they're being weird.

Why the heck does your husband think you should learn to drink in moderation? Plenty of people just never drink alcohol at all and have perfectly happy lives.

number 1.

no one will care and if they ask say you're doing dry january.

No alcohol. You’ve already shown that you can’t just have a few.
I drink sparkling water and lime when I’m out.

And you don’t have to learn to just have a few, alcohol is clearly a problem so you need to have none.

1. You don't have to explain anything to anyone.

I like alcohol free beer, Heineken 0% or Clausthaler have been the ones I've enjoyed, but they might be too close in taste for you.

Number 1. You can’t go from a massive binge to moderation in one week.
You need some time to rethink your attitude to alcohol - wait a few months