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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for your help with a strategy for not drinking on a night out

65 replies

JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 10/01/2022 07:02

I posted a while back about recognising I needed to take a break from alcohol, it hasn’t been an over riding success. Anyway I decided to seriously try to cut down this year. I didn’t drink all week and then decided to allow myself a few on Saturday with friends which had disastrous consequences, I got carried away and got extremely drunk spent next day in bits. Next Saturday I’m going for dinner with friends. Do I

stick to alcohol free drinks
set a limit for myself of say 3 drinks…

I think I’d be better with option 1 as I seem to be an all or nothing person but DH thinks I need to learn to just be able to have a few. I feel self conscious saying I’m not drinking…ridiculous I know…but don’t want to draw attention to it.

Any tips? I would drive but it’s much easier to get there by train.

OP posts:

mumda · 10/01/2022 07:23

Could you ask them to go to somewhere else for a night out. Bowling or some other activity. Takes the pressure off by not concentrating on alcohol.

Imayhaveerred · 10/01/2022 07:27

Tell them you’re doing Dry January and then by the time February comes you’ll be used to not drinking.

I’m the same, it’s all or nothing and I’m tired of losing a day to hangovers.

ChorltonWheelie · 10/01/2022 07:30

Be the designated driver. If anyone says to you one won’t hurt then you know they aren’t the sort of people that you should be friends with and don’t care about your or anyone else's safety

MissNothing1991 · 10/01/2022 07:31

I've had issues with alcohol addiction for years. I find it very hard to stop once I start. I couldn't for example, have one glass of wine and keep the bottle in the fridge for the next night. Or buy a bottle of vodka on a Monday that i was intending to have on a Friday.

With that in mind, I sadly would go for not going out at all. I cannot go out and not drink. But if I have one, inevitably it will end in many. However, if this wasnt the case, I would suggest option 1!

GaspingGekko · 10/01/2022 07:35

I agree with PP, break the habit first, then see if you can work towards moderation or not.

If you aren't able to be honest with your friends about stepping away from alcohol I'd definitely go with the dry January thing. Then if you continue into February and still need to explain you could just say that it was working for you or you felt better without, whatever, so you decided to keep going.

Good luck OP. I think it's a huge step just recognising that you need to do this. Maybe be prepared that you may have some friends who aren't supportive, who you may need to back away from at first.

withsprinkles · 10/01/2022 07:46

Option 1, and say it's for Dry January.

Your DH would love you to be able to have just a few because that's more fun for him. He wants to think you can enjoy a drink in moderation together and the idea of a future where you don't drink at all possibly sounds boring and sad to him.

It's an adjustment for both of you, but you have to prioritise your own health & wellbeing. That might well mean you end up in a place where you can stop at 2-3 drinks but if you yourself want to step back and take charge of your own drinking, don't worry about other people's pressure including your DH's.

BeepBoopBop · 10/01/2022 07:52

In my own experience, I find having a glass of water to drink on the table as well as the glass of wine helps me cut down considerably. Its so easy to drink loads if you are thirsty and plugging down alcohol its so easy if its there. French restaurants always give a carafe of water with the meal.

DreamerSeven · 10/01/2022 08:06

@Pugroll

There are loads of nice mocktails now and lots of places offer alcohol free drinks beyond flat coke and diet coke now.

This! I rarely drink now but always have a mocktail and it somehow feels less like I’m not drinking when I do this (plus they’re delicious) I’d drive too so there’s no peer pressure to give in and have a drink.

trumpisagit · 10/01/2022 08:10

Good luck OP.
You tried option 2 last weekend, so it has to be 1.

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 10/01/2022 08:13

Just stick to alcohol free drinks! So much easier than moderation. I haven’t had a drink for over a year now, you do get used to just having alcohol free drinks in pubs. Honestly no one will care what you are drinking!

FirewomanSam · 10/01/2022 08:15

Having ‘just a few’ takes soooo much more effort than having nothing. You sound very much like me, and I have been sober for several years now without much effort. I tried and failed to ‘moderate’ for years before that.

When I tried to moderate I ended up doing constant mental maths and gymnastics: ‘shall I have one now or wait until dinner comes, oh but there’s champagne, ok I’ll have a glass of champagne now… oh someone topped up my glass, ok I’ll drink this and then just have water… ah go on, one more glass won’t make a difference’ etc etc etc until whoops, I’d had one glass too many and was inevitably horribly hungover the next day.

It is SO freeing when you just know you’re having none and don’t need to put any more thought into it.

shouldistop · 10/01/2022 08:17

Just say you're doing dry January and when it gets to February you can say you felt so much better not drinking that you've decide to do dry February too.

HarlanPepper · 10/01/2022 08:17

Not to parrot everyone else, but moderation takes up so much headspace for me that it's easiest not to drink at all. Any night I have tried to moderate I have always ended up drinking more than I wanted to.

CantStandMeow · 10/01/2022 08:26

Are these the same friends who saw you drinking on Saturday and that's why you don't feel able to say you're doing Dry January? You could always just tell them after the horrible hangover you've decided to detox or have a break from drinking. Many people have had a hangover that made them think never again so it wouldn't make it into a thing/draw attention to it.

MinnieJackson · 10/01/2022 08:28

Option 1. Good luck! Maybe also consider if it's too early in your sobriety to be around alcohol based activities and which is more important to you

Sally872 · 10/01/2022 08:31

Option 1. And dh needs to keep his opinion to himself and support you rather than adding pressure.

Excuses

be honest. Alcohol doesn't really agree with me just now I'm having a break from it (depends on the company though)
dry January
drive there
early start/busy day tomorrow

Good choice op, stay motivated.

pengu · 10/01/2022 08:34

I can't moderate and the way alcohol works makes it impossible to make a decent decision after 1/2/3 drinks.

Option 2 means you're setting yourself up to fail.

WiganDiva · 10/01/2022 08:42

I’d drive.

I also don’t think you should shy away from telling your friends what you’ve said here. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and their support will help you.

DontKnowWhatToThink7 · 10/01/2022 08:45

I would be honest with them and say I'm not drinking at the moment. If they give you a hard time or try to put pressure on you then they are not your friends.

DontKnowWhatToThink7 · 10/01/2022 08:46

I didn't mean for that to sound so harsh BTW, OP. I'm just speaking from experience, i've had issues with alcohol myself.

Luredbyapomegranate · 10/01/2022 08:47

You need a proper break from alcohol, after which you may or may not find you can drink in moderation - some people can't, some people just don't want to drink at all.

People probably won't ask, but you can simply say you are taking a break from alcohol, starting with dry January. Loads of people do it. Plan what you will order. Think through the evening in advance. Plan how you will leave earlier if you want to.

Your husband sounds an idiot, but perhaps he is bored hearing about it - but remind him that you are life partners and he needs to be supportive. Send him some literature.

AlbertBridge · 10/01/2022 08:49

I used to be like this. I did Dry January a couple of years ago and it changed my life! I never drink at home now unless we're entertaining, and only drink when we go out, which is rare. I don't miss it at all.

I'd have nothing on Saturday. I know it's hard but you need to reset yourself. If your friends are going to harangue you into drinking booze then tell them you're on antibiotics or something they can't argue with.

Darbs76 · 10/01/2022 08:50

I think it sounds like you need a complete break from alcohol for a while. You can then try and be sensible and have a few but first best to quit completely

Ginger1982 · 10/01/2022 08:50

Don't drink and definitely drive then you have no option.

AngelinaFibres · 10/01/2022 08:51

Going out for dinner is probably an easier situation for no alcohol than a pub evening. Moderation is very hard once you have had even one drink. My exhusband had serious problems with alcohol boundaries. In the end he admitted that he couldn't have one drink because, once he had, he wanted 18. By the end of our marriage his drinking was totally out of control. I think option one is best for now because you need to break the habit. Mocktails are a good idea , or tonic water with ice and a slice. Your friends are a different issue. It is often the case that people who know that they also have a problem don't like it when someone in their group decides to stop drinking/smoking/wants to lose weight. They go into overdrive with 'Oh go on its only 1......oh its Friday, doesn't count on a Friday...etc etc ' If you stand firm the first time, and hopefully have the support of your husband, then after that it is a non event. If they don't support you then you may have other things to deal with this year.

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