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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what reasons you have ended relationships over?

72 replies

scorpiogirly · 09/01/2022 15:22

Just that really. What reasons or things have you ended a relationship over? Did you still love the person but knew ending it was for the best?

OP posts:
Lockheart · 09/01/2022 15:23

Who are you writing an article for? Rather a strange question to ask in AIBU.

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 09/01/2022 15:25

Ha nobody. I'm struggling with the end of a short relationship. I think a lot of people in my situation would have ended the relationship for many reasons. I am trying to reassess my boundaries, or lack of them and just wondered what others have had the self worth to walk away from.

OP posts:
whirlycarly · 09/01/2022 16:12

Are you talking friends or partners?

For me, it's dishonesty which is a key deal breaker. In both, really. You can resolve most other things.

Cottagepieandpeas · 09/01/2022 16:14

Infidelity. It was the final straw, lots of things weren’t right, but he knew that would be the deal breaker. (Well, I say he knew, actually I think he thought I’d put up with it, like I had with everything else).

Crimeismymiddlename · 09/01/2022 16:16

Not being emotionally supported, final straw was not once being asked if I was ok while obviously very I’ll.

Pegasussnail · 09/01/2022 16:17

One was a very long term relationship where I didn't feel there was a future (marriage) and after sleeping together at one point he said if I was to get pregnant 'that would be it' (he would stand by me but his life would be over)

Another was lovely and very serious quite quickly but he was so into his routine, still lived with his mother and told his sisters everything. I felt he just wanted another mother. He was a decent person and nice to me.

HeyUpits2022 · 09/01/2022 16:18

In no particular order:

Domestic Abuse
Alcohol and significant Debt
I got "The Ick"
Just drifted apart

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 09/01/2022 16:21

I meant romantic relationships as opposed to friendships.

I think my boundaries are way off, I've put up with so much shit in every relationship that I can't quite believe it myself. I don't know why I do it.

OP posts:
pinkcattydude · 09/01/2022 16:24

He knew all the words to all Phil Collins songs
He got me WW membership for my birthday
But mainly just no longer wanted to be with him

Lovemusic33 · 09/01/2022 16:25

For not being able to have sex without the dog in the room 😬 (his dog went everywhere with him). This was a short relationship..not a long term thing. He was also not a very clean person.

Another short term thing… dumped him because his mum still called him every morning to make sure he was up for work 😬, he was also a bit dull and still very upset about his wife leaving him several years before.

Ended my marriage because we had grown apart, I wanted to do adventurous things and he wanted to sit in front of the tv watching sport all day, I guess we grew apart partly because of the big age gap.

Ended another relationship because he shouted at my dd (final straw), he was abusive towards me at times, had a awful temper, often threw things across the room. After I finished it I found out he was sleeping with other people.

Sparklesocks · 09/01/2022 16:25

I ended my last relationship because I just fell out of love with my partner. He didn’t do anything wrong, no major changes or rows as the catalyst. We were sitting in the pub one evening and he was telling a story and I just had a lightning bolt of understanding that I loved and cared for him deeply but not romantically anymore. It was very sad. But what can you do? I waited a few weeks to see if it was just a weird blip but I didn’t feel any differently so I ended things. He was upset but when we bumped into each other some time later he told me he knew it was the right thing,

I think a lot of relationships fizzle out rather than end with a dramatic bang.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 09/01/2022 16:25

He told me he wanted to buy a caravan one day, just like his parents. We were in our mid twenties.

(It would have come in handy over the last couple of years though, so fair dos).

GinUnicorn · 09/01/2022 16:28

The one that comes to mind was a perfectly nice guy but he was clearly so much more invested than I was. I was fond of him but didn’t really develop feelings whereas he was using the L word. Obviously needed more than I had the emotional capacity to offer.

Imayhaveerred · 09/01/2022 16:30

Gave me the ick
Disregarded my boundaries
He was laid back and didn’t like to plan, while I’m a control freak
Casual racism

Derrymum123 · 09/01/2022 16:32

He wanted children I wanted to go to university. He was older.

Another grew apart/grew up.
Other, his political opinions were too different to mine. I had no time for anyone whose views were not left of centre.

FindingMeno · 09/01/2022 16:33

Abuse, including physical.
Addiction.

chocolover88 · 09/01/2022 16:41

Sexless relationship (once every 1-2 months) despite being with each other everyday
Not being emotionally supportive
Didn't prioritise me when I was pregnant with our first child
Being really blunt/emotionless

cereallover · 09/01/2022 16:46

He didn't tell me for 2 years that he had been arrested for looking at pics of 12 year old girls and was going to some sort of therapy for it. I overheard a call from the police for his yearly check in with them.

His mum upon hearing that my dad was on his last round of chemo told me instead of congratulations that "Oh well at his age he will just get something else and die from that" refused to tell her to shut the fuck up for that comment.

DarkCorner · 09/01/2022 16:55

I had a few short relationships via OLD and finished them for a variety of reasons. I think the first 6 months (or more) is very definitely “test you out” and not “give the benefit of the doubt” territory so there’s absolutely no need to justify it.

My reasons were:

  1. Different stages of life - he was divorced, 40ish, 2 kids, def no more, wanted to have fun, tight with money.
  2. Slightly childish, slightly selfish, nothing major, very very initial stages of slight cocklidger behaviour - just felt I’d end up resenting him and he’d piss me off.
  3. Really like him but no momentum, contact sporadic, let me down last minute a few times, then told me he had come off the dating site so that I did but turned out he hadn’t.
  4. Lovely guy but a bit smug but also clueless, very different interests to mine, few bedroom issues.
  5. Didn’t want kids, too much of an alternative lifestyle, not enough of a family type.
Ancientdreams · 09/01/2022 16:58

Three of them didn’t have a job.

AndItDoesntSeemToMatter · 09/01/2022 17:05

He was an absolute sociopath
I wasn't into him
I wasn't into him
He didn't love me

Suzi888 · 09/01/2022 17:09

He wanted to move to London, I didn’t.

He wanted children-very desperately, I didn’t (I was 26 so didn’t imagine I would change my mind over a decade later).

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 09/01/2022 17:11

Ended my marriage due to finding out he was trying to meet women behind my back, and filling the internet with pics of his dick Hmm. Then he became violent so it had to end there and then.

Next idiot clearly wasn't over his ex and I found he'd been messaging her. We ended up back together briefly, he dumped me after a holiday and then kept reappearing like a bad smell. I ended up having to just block him as he kept messaging and leaving gifts by my front door.

Again, the following bloke wasn't over his ex TEN YEARS after she dumped him!! She didn't want anything to do with him but i found out he was pestering her. Also found he was messaging and calling other women behind my back. He became more and more aggressive regularly every time I called him out on his shitty behaviour. He started disappearing regularly so I told him it was over and posted all his belongings to him.

I found a good one in the end though.

RestingStitchFace · 09/01/2022 17:20

Long time ago now but I broke off with someone because I was appalled by how he treated his mother. There appeared to be no real reason for it other than he was enjoying showing off and trying to be the 'big man' in front of me. Massive red flag.

AliasGrape · 09/01/2022 17:25

Split with long-term ex which was more down to him to be honest but he was cowardly enough to make me be the one to say it in the end (infidelity).

Shorter term ones

  • just got the ick
  • was starting to fizzle out due to distance, then he was being a bit of a dick on the phone one night and I just realised I couldn't be bothered
  • he was constantly subtly criticising me/ making 'helpful' suggestions as to how I could be more like the sort of person he actually wanted to be with- very subtle at first but became more o9noticeable
  • he went from lovebombimg to playing silly mind games and despite being besotted I realised he was going to mess me up if I hung around. I'm not sure if I can claim credit for ending it - he'd been ghosting me for a few days I just stopped playing his silly games/ chasing him the way I was obviously meant to and then ignored/ blocked any calls that he started once he realised I wasn't playing ball