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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what reasons you have ended relationships over?

72 replies

scorpiogirly · 09/01/2022 15:22

Just that really. What reasons or things have you ended a relationship over? Did you still love the person but knew ending it was for the best?

OP posts:
Covidtrap · 10/01/2022 05:41

Moved far away for uni so ended things as i thought it wouldnt work
Ended up in a long distance relstionship anyway but was always me visiting him and he never told his parents (big cultural thing)
Abusive and controlling partner
We where never really in a relationship, played mind games, never knew where i stood with him it was only when i ended things he called it a relationship yet when together hed joke about qll these different girls he could get with Confused
???? My current relationship - i love him dearly but i feel like my past issues are getting in the way, everything seems to be so difficult and go wrong for us despite our best. To stay together would mean comitting to moving away from my family and starting my lofe somewhere new (if we moved in together) and this scares the shit out of me as i have a ds now.

HuntingoftheSnark · 10/01/2022 09:25

He voted UKIP and he couldn't spell.

MrsToothyBitch · 10/01/2022 10:20
  1. Teen sweetheart- he was losing his step dad to cancer (after losing his dad to it) and whilst I understand he was devastated and grieving, he struggled with me being away at boarding school, became very jealous/clingy and was v hard work. He was not going to cope with me being at uni and I didn't want the obligation of him at home. I had planned to hang on for our 2yr anniv before uni started and "realise it wouldn't work" over freshers but when he did one of his "maybe we should end it" announcements to scare me because he was jealous & insecure after I'd gone clubbing with school friends after results night- I took him up on it, agreed and dumped him and threw him out of my house. He took it HARD. Then he met someone prepared to mummy him, they webbed up (now married) and he forgot I existed!
  1. Uni bf, loved him deeply but realised we had different plans for the future/lifestyle and ended it before we made each other unhappy. That devastated me actually. I loved him so, so much.
  1. Realised he was basically Cartman from South Park, stopped finding him attractive/realised he was the rebound and dumped him.
  1. It stalled. Basically realised he didn't love me enough because he wasn't prepared to give me any real time or commitment so we agreed to break up.

Otherwise- dating etc, one for bad sex & bad timing, others for the ick or no spark or they were flings & fizzled out mutually.

BlingLoving · 10/01/2022 10:27

On a slightly lighter note....

lovely guy, had a great job and earnt oodles of cash while I was just a normal person in my second year of working so not so much. Bless him, he was always happy to pay etc. However, I began to realise that his desire to pay was too far the other way. Went to see a movie and as we sat down I realised I'd changed my mind and did want popcorn. As I stood up to go get some, he tried to slip me a tenner and got a bit shirty when I said no. I know he meant well but he had paid for the movie, and dinner already and I couldn't take it.

A friend dumped a guy on about date 6 when she realised he didn't know what pesto was! Grin

jb7445 · 10/01/2022 10:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

QuizzicalEyebrows · 10/01/2022 10:29

Stopped fancying them

They irritated me

DV

Nowomenaroundeh · 10/01/2022 10:32

I hated his jacket.

JerkintheMerkin · 10/01/2022 16:15

When the police turned up and arrested him for downloading illegal images.

GreetingsAndSalutations · 10/01/2022 16:30

Domestic violence. It had gone on for years and I’d put up with it for a long time but as my children got older I couldn’t pretend they were none the wiser anymore. I didn’t love him at all by the time I left (and took the kids with me) which made it easier to go and to not be manipulated/bullied/guilted into going back.

passionfruitpizza · 10/01/2022 16:33

Wanted different things in life. I wanted to buy a house, he disagreed with the idea of buying. Also I wanted marriage and kids and he didn't. He was also incredibly emotionally abusive but that wasn't the main reason although obviously it should have been!

maddy68 · 10/01/2022 16:40

1-When I stopped caring what they thought

2- I suddenly noticed they were incredibly thick (while playing Scrabble )

3- I suddenly found everything they did or said irritating

EishetChayil · 10/01/2022 16:42

When I came home from meeting my birth mother for the first time, and finding out about my Jewish heritage, the boyfriend I was with at the time put on a documentary about Hitler and the Holocaust.

mewkins · 10/01/2022 16:45

@DillDanding

I once ended a real tip ship after 2 dates when I realised he said ‘was’ instead of ‘were’.

Although I’d fancied him from afar for weeks, it was a lucky escape and I shudder at the awful memory of his grammar.

I'm with you on this.

I had to end it with someone who couldn't say Biden (as in Joe Biden) in a normal way. Odd. He also had a weird cute voice he would use on me which I couldn't cope with.

Someone else I ended it with because he started to downgrade our plans for a planned date eg. I'm going to take you for cocktails.... actually let's stay more local....actually I'm going to be really tired from working so let's just stay in. Hmm

newnameforthis76 · 10/01/2022 16:45

Your question’s quite vague. I’ve ended long-term relationships over big things, most notably my ex’s violence and alcoholism. But if I’ve only been dating someone a few weeks/months I’ve ended it for loads of fairly small reasons. I dumped one man because he believed in astrology.

iklboo · 10/01/2022 17:17

I ended one (very) short term relationship because he told me I'd have to convert to Catholicism to continue. We'd been on about three dates.

scorpiogirly · 10/01/2022 18:52

Thanks for all the replies. There seems to be lots of reasons. I think I would find it easy to qalk away after a few dates when I really didn't like something.

I ended one because I just switched off and got that ick feeling, but we're still mates 8 years later.

The others have done terrible things repeatedly and I still stayed!

OP posts:
ThisMustBeMyDream · 10/01/2022 19:12

My first relationship at 16 resulted in my eldest DS 18 months in. We stayed together for 8 years. In total. He lost his job at the 7 year point and over the next year or so I lost all respect for him for both the reason he lost his job, and for his lack of effort in sorting out a job or retraining. There was just no coming back from it, it gave me the ick. It was doomed from then on, but also, the fact that I'd spent the previous 8 years being a teen mum, then going to uni, buying us a house, teaching him to drive and buying him a car. Basically making sure our child's future was secure. I'd changed, he had not. He was never an immature kid, but he never sought to do better in life. He didn't want to expand his knowledge on any subject at all. Which is fine. But it wasn't what I wanted in a partner. I'd have been unhappy with him all my life if I hadn't left him.

Next one cheated. No explanation needed. That was the father to my younger 2 children. He buggered off completely when I was 7 weeks pregnant with my youngest. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

I then met someone who I dated for 8 months. Introduced to my young children around 6 months. He had a very young child too, 10 months old. Mine were 16 months and 3 (oldest was a teen by then). The moment he pushed away (with zero care as to where he might land) my toddling 16 month old who was a little unsteady near his precious 10 month old, I called it quits. He had already shown signs that being a stepdad may not be for him. He was on course to be Disney dad, despite having his daughter 3 nights every week too. I put my kids first, and called time. I'm glad I didn't wait longer to introduce them, or it would have been much harder to walk away.
Current partner I've been with 4 years, and I hope that there won't be a reason to call time! He is lovely, intelligent, kind, great step dad, not a Disney dad to his own(!), and all round good person.

BurbageBrook · 10/01/2022 19:15
  1. Cheated on me
  2. The ‘ick’
  3. Physically attacked me when drunk

Luckily I’ve now got a lovely DP,

SGBK4682 · 10/01/2022 19:35

Long ago, no particular order:

Relationship really based on the fact it was convenient and we were both part of a social circle of couples - broke up when my circumstances changed and I saw the chance of a new life for myself.

Got pregnant when on the pill and Dr asked if I thought I would ever have a child with him and I realised I wouldn't. He was lovely but didn't excite me enough.

He did things I didn't respect (was dishonest essentially) and blamed others rather than facing up to his own part in things that were going wrong in his life. Also openly criticised some of my friends and family, also my dress sense, haircut etc. Started off so well, as if we were complete soul mates, but ended up being like a competition I didn't want to be in. Ironically he still held a fascination for me and we've met up on a platonic basis many times since but when we met last time he shocked me by criticising me for the "girlfriend" I had been. I don't know if somehow I annoyed him, as I don't think his criticisms were true, but I think something in me has died and I'm not sure I will ever meet up again.

RoyKentsChestHair · 10/01/2022 19:40

Kicked things in anger.

Took the piss out of me for being hormonal (menopause)

Was also clearly never going to marry me and wanted to keep separate finances etc despite us having been together many years and him crediting me with supporting him to succeed, so he was on 6 figures and I was on tax credits.

frazzledfragglefromfragglerock · 10/01/2022 20:28

My longest relationship prior to dh I ended because I knew he wanted to but was too nice to me to say so. Obviously a lot more to it but that's the bones of it. He's always been there for me since, lush guy but it just wasn't meant to be. Both heartbroken tbh! I was quite young when we started seeing each other (17) and split when I was 23.

Dumped a casual boyfriend as I didn't know who else he was sleeping with and he was very unreliable with regards to dates etc, always cancelling. I left it longer than I should because I liked the sex tbh!

My last boyfriend before dh went to Japan to work while I did teacher training in the UK. My head was turned by my DH so there was an overlap while I dithered about who I wanted to be with! Not proud of that but made the right decision!

Alayalaya · 10/01/2022 20:37

I ended a short relationship as soon as he came to my house and declared that he was allergic to dogs! I said well I can’t keep my dog away from you and I’m going to have her for at least another ten years so we have no future together. He tried to say he was sorry and would take an antihistamine but that wasn’t a realistic strategy for the next decade.

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