To ask what reasons you have ended relationships over?

[scorpiogirly]

Just that really. What reasons or things have you ended a relationship over? Did you still love the person but knew ending it was for the best?

I’ve been married for decades so this is all quite a long time ago but
back then I ended a couple of relationships with people I was still in love with.

My “first love” I was with through 6th form and some of uni but I realised I had very little experience of the world and should spread my wings a bit. I did need that but he was a great guy in many ways and I still sometimes wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t broken us up.

The second one - I was with him for a couple of years. We’d moved in together and he went from being vibrant and active to being a slob who didn’t want to do much. I still loved him though now, looking back, I couldn’t really tell you why. I left for myself, I think, but I framed it in my head as being for him because, despite what he said, I clearly wasn’t good for him if being around me made him like that. I took a while to get over it and I felt for a long time like I’d betrayed him somehow. But it was the right decision for me, and possibly for him too. I see the whole thing in an entirely different light looking back than I did at the time.

Other than that I’ve generally ended relationships because they’ve stopped trying as much or I’ve stopped trying as much. We start arguing. We have different longer term goals. I got bored etc. But I haven’t moved in with anyone else except my now husband.

When he said " I want to be with you, but you'll have to get rid of that horse". He left shortly afterwards, followed by my laughter!

@Astrak He never thought you'd pick him over your horse did he?!! 🐴😂😂😂

I've been married now for a long time but looking right back including teenage years:

1. Completely unreliable, would make plans and not turn up, go MIA regularly. It wasn't just me - he'd do it to friends, family, employers. No idea what was going on in his head. Also during one of his "missing" episodes I met someone else I liked.
2. Complete lack of effort/ taking me for granted. Not always but he seemed to be annoyed that I was planning to go to uni and his child behaviour started from there.

Was hurt and indignant when I finished it.

1. Not right for each other and I was aware my feelings of affection/ attraction were not strong enough and would not grow. He was also quite inconsiderate and arrogant at times - made clear I was way down his list of priorities. For a long time clung on to the sunk costs fallacy including that we had the same group of friends and it would have been awkward. Was furious when I finished it and told me I'd be sorry when he was a famous rock star. (I'm not and he isn't.)

Those are the only relationships I've ended. The others I was dumped or they fizzled out.

Anyway you don't need a qualifying reason. If you don't want to be in the relationship then that's that.

I once ended a real tip ship after 2 dates when I realised he said ‘was’ instead of ‘were’.

Although I’d fancied him from afar for weeks, it was a lucky escape and I shudder at the awful memory of his grammar.

domestic violence
domestic violence
domestic violence and infidelity

A chap I had been seeing for about a month, but was on the fence about, thought I'd enjoy it if he nibbled on my bottom lip whilst we were kissing.

I did not and it cast the deciding vote against him.

Apocalyptichorsewoman: Well, obviously he did! No chance. He told me he was "a good catch". Probably was, if someone was after ££££, property, fancy yachts etc. I'd met him whilst sailing my own little non-fancy yacht, when he was trying to get his one out of the shallows he'd got his big heavy one into. Nice enough chap, but "got a bob on himself" as we say where I come from. It was doomed from the start, really. Don't know what became of him.
I've still got a horse though. Different one, but I have. And a much bigger boat. Given up men. Too much aggravation, in my (selfish, animal-centric) opinion. Each to their own, though.

When I was really upset after spending the weekend driving my mum to see my terminally ill dad in hospital and supporting her... I just wanted some support and empathy from him... What I actually got was 'at least your dad's still alive'. His father had died several years earlier and I had been very supportive to him at the time, plus it hadn't been a long-drawn-out death and he hadn't had to spend months supporting his mum while his dad died. He was, and probably still is, the most self-centred person I have ever met. I know he has married again and I hope his new wife is much better able to deal with him than I was.

1. I was growing up and he was older
2. Had only had sex with him because I liked the attention not because I liked him
3. Didn't want children. Though in fact multiple reasons all based on not really being able to see the point of other people.

A few others all dumped me.

Short ones:

1. It was torturing me that he wasn't into me and it was only ever going to be occasional. In some ways my dream man. Still difficult to think about. The hardest ending ever for me.
2. He wanted to swing as a couple. Actually I would have tried it except that I knew from moment 1 that I'd die of embarrassment if anyone thought I was an actual girlfriend of his.
3. He was hugely push pull and all drama. He chased me quite hard but I knew as soon as I fell for him he'd start pulling away. That was a hard one because he was super needy and that's my Achilles heel.

I ended a relationship with someone I loved and still do love very very much. I wasn't prepared to accept the life I would have had with them and knew I was worth more. It killed me to do it but it was the right decision.

I'm similar to you OP... Recently realised I have a serious problem with enforcing boundaries. Just ended an 8 Yr relationship because I'm tired of constantly asking him to put me first, to think of me for a change, to prioritise me. Basically, to respect me. It's unbelievable what I've put up with on reflection. I didn't realise it, but I don't love him and can live without him. My day to day life without him, is exactly the same as my day to day life with him, and that's how I knew it was time to say good bye.

1 he was a very heavy drinker and it made me more and more miserable
2 very pathetically immature , he wanted us to move in together , i didnt as i was slowly going off him by then , so we split up
3 he was emotionally abusive and could be violent , i left him
have stayed single for the last 13 years , suits me fine im very happy

I broke up with a boyfriend over his admiration of Kenneth Clarke.

He bored me.
He expressed admiration for Sixpence None the Richer.
He did a weird corkscrewing motion with his penis during sex.

1. 3 years of a good but not deep relationship. No drama at all but felt like we were both in it because it was easy. He wasn't the love of my life and vice versa. I got a new job and had a small car accident a few weeks after starting. I was too busy to see him much and I didn't really miss him that much. I had previously told him I loved him and he never said it back. He whispered it when he thought I was asleep. I think he could never express his feelings from fear of previous heartache and an unconventional mother/ son dynamic. More friends than caring and love. I wonder how he really felt about me even now but it was the right thing to do.

1. He gave me so many red flags and we kept having the same argument in different ways which involved my child and my ex.

Showing controlling behaviour, love bombing and trying to move us along too fast.

These two were COMPLETE opposites of each other in nearly every way

1 I was bored
2 he was emotionally abusive
3 he cheated on me
4 LDR which was going nowhere as neither of us wanted to re locate
5 he was emotionally and financially abusive
6 he re located due to career and I didn’t want to move

@Kshhuxnxk I feel your pain

He was just too nice. I walked all over him, he never said no to me, would tell me he loved me 10 times a day, just felt like he was obsessed with me and I didn't feel the same.

We'd known each other from primary school then the start of my 20's we spoke more, he was always more in to me than I was him, we kind of fell in to a relationship where looking back now I just wanted a friendship.

I wish him all the best but we had to cut ties as he kept asking for me back months after we split.

Put up with 5 years of him not really maturing and going backwards in terms of his emotional and financial input in the relationship, along with him becoming more aggressive/abusive during arguments and emotionally abusive in every day life. I suppose I was so immersed in the relationship I just perceived the toxic behaviours as normal as I entered the relationship at 17. My final straw after many was when we lived separately for a short period for work purposes and his family I hadn't met were extreme conspiracy theorists convincing him of absolutely wacky and dangerous ideologies, they also after finally developing a somewhat progressive and normal relationship with him convinced him that sexist abuse was ok and that I was beneath him and shouldn't be pursuing education as a woman. I was done at that point and after a difficult process of grieving the relationship I am a totally different person with goals and interests, a new career, new friends and back dating again a year on. I've barely heard a thing from him since as he hasn't returned my belongings or paid me back money he borrowed, in total he owes me over 3000. His family members however have virtually harrassed and stalked me, even recently hacking my netflix and changing my profile names to their own!

Immediate evictions:

The man who swore he was divorced, subsequently discovered he had a wife and six children in another country. I had no idea but still feel guilty many years later.

The man who couldn't understand the concept of doing 50/50 in the house. He wanted a replacement mummy, not a partner.

The man who had a one night stand.

@scorpiogirly

Has this helped at all?

Early 90s - been on a few dates, but not sleeping with him yet - I was absolutely besotted then he told me, the previous summer he had been to a beer festival in Europe and his VIP ticket included the services of prostitute. Oh yes he did! Didn't invite him back and broke it off the next day I told him - I wasn't over my ex. It wasn't true, I didn't want him to NOT tell the beer festival story to the next one so she could make up her mind early on.

One man who shouted at me because I was 20 minutes late at his house, 3rd date.

One who I'd dated for a few months. I went on a week's business trip, asked him to water my plants so left him a key. I came home a day early and he'd moved in. My kitchen was full of takeaway cartons and his dirty clothes were all over my bed.

One who turned out to be a controlling weirdo and tried to stop me studying.

One who tried to borrow my house deposit. Seriously!

Are there any normal ones? Who have normal lives and no weird hidden agendas.

In no real order;

1. Abuse.
2. Infidelity
3. Was seeing a guy who made a rape joke, never saw him again, not even as friends.
4. Dating a boyfriend who was in recovery from substance abuse, he relapsed. I left.
5. The guy was just a complete dick.