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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Someone help me out straight my misogynistic acquaintance !

61 replies

mummyquestions · 09/01/2022 11:02

I've had a few discussions with an acquaintance about various current topics which have left me a bit stunned.

Most recently we discussed the me too movement and Harvey Weinstein's crimes. My friend said he was sick and tired of hearing about the me too movement and that he also deserves his own me too movement, as a man.

He said that the women who actually slept with Weinstein had a choice not to do so and are basically slags for having done it. I explained about the control he had over them etc, but he didn't want to hear it and said there will have been some women who would have said NO to him, because they're basically not career slags and have morals. Whereas the career slags are now crying about having no morals.

He said he deserves his own me too movement, as women get an easier ride all the time, just because they're women and often flirt their way to the top at work and take advantage of their sexual ways.

This guy has a daughter and a son and said he can already tell ( daughter is 4 ) that she's always wanting preferential treatment. Just like all women do, apparently and this is apparently a genetic thing l.

Due to circumstances I can't avoid this person. I try to avoid these topics, but every time stuff like this comes up- I am absolutely furious, but I don't think any arguments I bring, make any difference.

Any advice in dealing with someone like this ??

OP posts:

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 09/01/2022 11:04

You don't. You don't even try.

You just walk away and feel sorry for his wife and daughter.

There is nothing you can say to him that won't prove him right. So don't even try.

Butchyrestingface · 09/01/2022 11:04

Is this a colleague at work?

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 09/01/2022 11:06

Having said that, if you really can't avoid him sometimes the only way to keep your sanity is to have some one liners in your head.

Yes, we've heard all that before

How charming

Really? How interesting

That sort of thing. Unless "Fuck off you boring twat" is more your style. 😃

gsaoej · 09/01/2022 11:06

He is obviously wrong, but entitled to his views. So I’d leave it.

Tyrozet · 09/01/2022 11:07

Just scoff, smirk and roll your eyes. Then walk away. You wont change his mind but at least that'll piss him off.

MorningStarling · 09/01/2022 11:09

Be grateful that you live in a free society where people are allowed to hold different views.

titchy · 09/01/2022 11:09

'Lovely. Right Jim, about this presentation....'

'Sorry Jim no time for a chat really busy'

Hi Jim sorry can't chat got a deadline.'

'That's interesting. Do you know anything about the restructure in HR?'

If he's a colleague just keep all talk work-based.

Hoppinggreen · 09/01/2022 11:10

He’s not a project for you to fix.

Original poster

mummyquestions · 09/01/2022 11:10

He's very belittling and also I always feel like I lose the argument.

I don't want to go into detail, but no. Not a colleague.

OP posts:

RedMozzieYellowMozzie · 09/01/2022 11:12

@Hoppinggreen

He’s not a project for you to fix.

This. Just stop discussing these things with him

WorraLiberty · 09/01/2022 11:12

@mummyquestions

He's very belittling and also I always feel like I lose the argument.

I don't want to go into detail, but no. Not a colleague.

Well instead of repeating all his shit here, why not tell us what the relationship is and we can give you ideas on how to completely ignore him when he goes on like that?

Linning · 09/01/2022 11:12

Who is he in relation to you? If he is a work colleague definitely say “I would like to only talk about work with you anything else I find very unpleasant. Thank you.”

And if he keeps at it report him. You don’t have to listen to sexist comments at work.

Lou98 · 09/01/2022 11:12

He's very belittling and also I always feel like I lose the argument.

Best way to avoid that is not to argue, there's no point, everyone has their own opinions and just as he isn't going to change your mind, you're not going to change his.

If you can't avoid seeing him the only thing you can do is reply every time "we obviously don't agree so I don't want to discuss" or similar, every time he starts a conversation about anything you disagree with

Linning · 09/01/2022 11:13

Ah cross posted. If he is not a colleague why can’t you avoid him? Unless he is an ex and you are the mother of his kids I would find most other people avoidable.

Hoppinggreen · 09/01/2022 11:15

@mummyquestions

He's very belittling and also I always feel like I lose the argument.

I don't want to go into detail, but no. Not a colleague.

You can’t lose an argument if you don’t have one

titchy · 09/01/2022 11:16

Well if it's not a colleague then you need to say who. If it's your dad that needs completely different advice to if it's your ex, the bloke in your local history class or your best friends son.

Original poster

mummyquestions · 09/01/2022 11:17

@titchy

Well if it's not a colleague then you need to say who. If it's your dad that needs completely different advice to if it's your ex, the bloke in your local history class or your best friends son.

Ah I really didn't want to say. But yes think along the lines of dad, brother, uncle. Very close male family.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 09/01/2022 11:20

If it's a partner then you can chose not to be in a relationship. Anyone just avoid the subject and if that's too hard avoid seeing them. If you live in their house move out, if they live in your house ask them to move out. If you don't live in the same house you can reduce the time you see them.

WorraLiberty · 09/01/2022 11:20

The same thing still applies no matter who it is really.

"We obviously won't agree, so change the subject".

Just block them out completely.

SiobhanSharpe · 09/01/2022 11:23

I think it's a BIL. Seen that sort of twattish behaviour from that quarter myself.
I just take the piss. It's not going to change them but it stops them spouting that bollocks to me .

Joined4this · 09/01/2022 11:23

I agree with the others. Very minimal contact, make a fuss of his daughter, when he says something sexist look at him say “hmmm” and walk away.

SiobhanSharpe · 09/01/2022 11:24

And let's hope his DD calls him out on it as she grows up.

Wankerchief · 09/01/2022 11:24

Family don’t get a pass to stay in your life and be cunts
I wouldn’t entertain his views.

FlowerFlour · 09/01/2022 11:26

He's just a typical incel gobshite. Roll your eyes and say "eewww" when he starts again, or "wow, I feel sorry for your daughter having you for a dad." Let your disgust for him pour out of every cell of your body. These men can handle themselves in loud shouty arguments but they can't deal with looking ridiculous.

Don't get into an argument about specifics with him because he's clearly not a person who listens to the evidence; you'd be wasting your breath. He has his view that all women, even his 4 year old daughter, are lying whores, so you can't reason with him. Just ostracise him. You don't need to have a relationship with someone who is, at very best, a rape apologist.

Also, many of the women who were raped by Weinstein went to what they thought was a work meeting in a well known hotel. A huge and physically powerful man then threw them onto the bed and raped them. I'm not sure why it's been interpreted that they willingly had sex with him; many of them required medical treatment later.

slightlysnippy · 09/01/2022 11:33

I tell him you don't want to discuss this type of topic with him, his views are offensive, and in the long run the only person he's going to hurt with his deeply offensive views is his little daughter.

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