Someone help me out straight my misogynistic acquaintance !

[mummyquestions]

I've had a few discussions with an acquaintance about various current topics which have left me a bit stunned.

Most recently we discussed the me too movement and Harvey Weinstein's crimes. My friend said he was sick and tired of hearing about the me too movement and that he also deserves his own me too movement, as a man.

He said that the women who actually slept with Weinstein had a choice not to do so and are basically slags for having done it. I explained about the control he had over them etc, but he didn't want to hear it and said there will have been some women who would have said NO to him, because they're basically not career slags and have morals. Whereas the career slags are now crying about having no morals.

He said he deserves his own me too movement, as women get an easier ride all the time, just because they're women and often flirt their way to the top at work and take advantage of their sexual ways.

This guy has a daughter and a son and said he can already tell ( daughter is 4 ) that she's always wanting preferential treatment. Just like all women do, apparently and this is apparently a genetic thing l.

Due to circumstances I can't avoid this person. I try to avoid these topics, but every time stuff like this comes up- I am absolutely furious, but I don't think any arguments I bring, make any difference.

Any advice in dealing with someone like this ??

@DontBlameMe79

I think most men, and many women have this view about the Weinstein victims but don’t dare say it. Sad on many levels.

Quite. And not a single one of them have any idea just how hard living in LA when you’re just making ends meets, can’t afford health insurance is.

So a rich wealthy man pushing himself upon you whilst making promises you’ll get out of the dangerous roomshare/house share you’re in, won’t have to rely on tips to pay the bills and have a consistent, decent income.

That sort of Coercive abuse is hard for a lot of people to understand.

Don't engage. Walk away.
If he is persistent & won't leave you alone, tell him to shut up.

You may not be able to avoid him, but there's not reason you need to listen to him, or be polite to him.

Surely everyone else in the acquaintance group know he's an absolute tool? I cannot recommend highly enough the power of telling fools to STFU. A good technique is to hold your hand up, & calmly say "Can I stop you right there?" - & then simply walk away.

There is no point tying yourself in knots attempting reason with this man. He'll enjoy parading his nasty opinions, around half of which I'll wager are purely for effect, as he hates women & enjoys the power of making them listen to his shit. Take your power back OP - just stalk away from him without a backward glance. You owe him nothing.

@mummyquestions

He's very belittling and also I always feel like I lose the argument.

I don't want to go into detail, but no. Not a colleague.

Which is why you choose not to engage in argument.

All you are doing is feeding the monster, & handing your power to him. Stop it!

I think people can be educated out of racism and homophobia because those things are usually based on ignorance or fear. But I don’t think you can educate men like that out of misogyny when it’s become this ingrained. It’s more than a prejudice or ignorance. It’s visceral hatred (as evidenced by the fact it’s directed towards his own small child).

But as others have said, you can call it what it is, every single time.

Any advice in dealing with someone like this ??

Wise up; men do this for kicks. Look at his behaviour as a red flag instead of a genuine desire for conversation.
Refuse to discuss it, and if he turns the conversation back walk away.

He does it to hurt me personally I think

Of course he does.
Again - stop handing him your power!

'Nothing so predicatable as a misogynist looking for a fight. Or boring, for that matter.'

'Yep, me and your daughter hopefully will have a lot in common. I look forward to us spending a lot more time together when she's older - I mean, she's going to have a lot of stuff to unpick with you as a 'father'

If this is your brother, I'd just try to not engage in these kinds of conversation with him. He clearly has a chip on his shoulder and is trying to get a rise out of you.

Try to be a good role model to his children and be open to them so that they learn that his view is not the norm and doesn't have to be accepted. You don't mention her mother, Is she still on the scene?

Being a relative does not mean you get a free pass to use this type of vile misogynist rhetoric..

What you do is make it clear to that person that you will no longer interact with them because of their views. And you ask his wife whether she is comfortable with her husband talking about their daughter in this way....

When we don't call out this type of behaviour we allow men like this to think that it is acceptable and we let down the next generation by letting them be raised with these type of toxic messages.

@Skeumorph

'Nothing so predicatable as a misogynist looking for a fight. Or boring, for that matter.'

'Yep, me and your daughter hopefully will have a lot in common. I look forward to us spending a lot more time together when she's older - I mean, she's going to have a lot of stuff to unpick with you as a 'father'

God yes. Tedious and so wearing. I agree with calling it out dismissively each time

@ElectraBlue

Being a relative does not mean you get a free pass to use this type of vile misogynist rhetoric..

What you do is make it clear to that person that you will no longer interact with them because of their views. And you ask his wife whether she is comfortable with her husband talking about their daughter in this way....

When we don't call out this type of behaviour we allow men like this to think that it is acceptable and we let down the next generation by letting them be raised with these type of toxic messages.

Wife makes a joke out of it. She'd never admit he's wrong, at least not in public. I don't know how she feels deep down, but she's definitely a trad wife. They are a bit stuck in the 50s if you ask me.

The wife is a poor soul herself. I do make her responsible for not stopping this kind of talk, especially about the daughter. But he'd have her for breakfast if she even tried. So I have compassion for her, as she's his victim too.