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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious at football

57 replies

Razzataz · 08/01/2022 17:14

My husband was a "semi professional" footballer before we met and after 3 years dating we moved in together and had our first child quite young at me 22 and him 24. Naturally over the years his football career sort of fizzled out and he packed it in.

We struggled for years to have our second child and were finally blessed in 2020 with our son. So we have a 10 year old and an almost 2 year old.

We both work full time and Contribute financially and time to the household, order and running of the house pretty much Evenly.

I would say it's a 60/40 split for house running though. He does chip in for sure but I do do the majority. Our salaries are similar and we both work very hard and often long hours.

Last august he got a message from an old team mate encouraging him to rejoin football - I was very very happy for him and encouraged him after pandemic and lockdown to get back to it to enjoy something for himself.

But now it's grating on me and I'm starting to get snappy with him and resent him.

He trains every Tuesday & Thursday evening and is gone every Saturday for the matches.

Since we both worth full time and older child's extra curricular takes up most week night evenings, the weekend is really our only time as a family together.

One of the weekend days (usually Sunday morning) is for sorting all of the washing and ironing and organising for the week ahead and a Sunday roast to end the week.

Saturday is our only actual time together - say to go swimming or to a museum or whatever as a family. And now we can't do anything as hes at football. We also only have one family car so it's not like I can take kids out myself and again starting to feel a little bit hemmed in.

I feel like I can't talk to him about it because I encouraged him and he does deserve "me time" but it's also taking the proverbial in my opinion that he has a whole Saturday carved out which then directly impacts the family.
His mum and dad and brothers also very happy he's back and go to watch him on Saturdays so feel like It's not my place to be the one to stop it.

What do you think? AIBU??? I know I probably am but aaaaarrrghhhhh

OP posts:
Pedalpushers · 08/01/2022 17:18

He should arrange a lift with someone else on Saturdays so you can have the car or get public transport to the match.

Mabelface · 08/01/2022 17:19

Get another car and a cleaner if finances allow. Make sure that when he's not doing football, you get time out too.

BurscoughBooths · 08/01/2022 17:20

Change your Sunday routine if you’d rather have a family day out.

Sort out the washing during the week as you go, don’t leave it all for the weekend. Ditch the ironing and the Sunday roast

SellFridges · 08/01/2022 17:21

Can you not do some of the jobs whilst you’re at home on Saturdays? Then he can complete on Sunday and you can have some time off or family time. Take an evening a week to yourself as well and he can sort the childcare that day.

lanbro · 08/01/2022 17:22

Do your washing and bits on the Saturday when he's put, he picks up some other chores through the week to even it up, and make Sunday family day?

growinggreyer · 08/01/2022 17:22

The washing and ironing doesn't have to be a weekend job. I presume you don't have a twin tub? Move that to early evenings. When he comes in from work on Mondays and Wednesdays he can sort a load and bung it in before his backside touches the couch! You will then have Sunday morning to visit somewhere nice and go for a carvery in the afternoon. Don't keep things set in stone, everything is renegotiable.

Hellocatshome · 08/01/2022 17:22

Why not do the things you do on a Sunday on a Saturday then have a family day on the Sunday. Have your Sunday dinner out if you need to have it or just have something else to eat. We are busy all week and all weekend so we have a quick roast on a Sunday evening, with meat done in the slow cooker and then the veggies etc only take 30 mins max.

takealettermsjones · 08/01/2022 17:22

Why does a football match take up an entire day? He and the 10 year old should be helping with the laundry etc, and maybe do the TOMM method so it's not all left to the Sunday. If you cut out the Sunday roast every other week too, and do something quicker, you've pretty much got your Sunday back. Agree with PP he should get the bus or a lift. Can the kids go and watch sometimes (obviously with DH's mum/dad/brothers looking after) so that you get some alone time?

Chloemol · 08/01/2022 17:24

Why can’t you do the washing in an evening? Or on a Saturday, do the roast for when he gets home on a Saturday and have Sunday as your family day?

MissyB1 · 08/01/2022 17:27

Well in order for his hobby to be accommodated by the family he needs to up his game on the domestic chores. He can pitch in on the Sunday chores earlier in the week, so Sunday can be free as a family day. Oh and you could have an evening for you to take up a new hobby?

Original poster
Razzataz · 08/01/2022 17:27

Hey thanks for all comments - washing was a very loose term and not huge issue - we do do a lot of house work during week too - I just mean it's like "the organising day" certainly in this house. If I do it all on Saturday while he's at football then split changes to 100% as that's when he helps most.

OP posts:
Original poster
Razzataz · 08/01/2022 17:29

He leaves at 12 and gets home at 5pm

Would be so much less annoying if it was much earlier but it's smack in middle of the whole day.

OP posts:
gobbledygoook · 08/01/2022 17:29

Do finances allow for a second car? It might not be the most fun during winter, but you could start a family routine of taking the DC to watch along with the other family members that go, then go for an afternoon out somewhere? Then Sunday can be sorting / relaxing / roast day!

gobbledygoook · 08/01/2022 17:30

Ahhh x post

12-5 is the most annoying time!! I assumed it was AM not PM apologies

LannieDuck · 08/01/2022 17:32

He leaves at 12 and gets home at 5pm

Gives him Saturday morning to get his share of the chores done before he leaves.

I would also suggest you alternate weekends - one week he gets Sat to do football, the next weekend you get Sat to do what you want (which may be a you-thing, or may be a family thing).

Momicrone · 08/01/2022 17:32

Yeah it's shit, young kids and obsessive hobbies don't really mix unless you have a very understanding partner

PugInTheHouse · 08/01/2022 17:35

At least he doesn't play cricket Grin

In all seriousness I can't really see the issue. If it was me I would be going to watch and encouraging the kids to support their dad.

Do the washing/sorting regularly throughout the week and be more flexible generally. If you feel he isn't doing enough just tell him what you need to help make things easier. I also think he could ask for a lift so you have the car, or on the local match days if you weren't watching could you drop him off and his parents bring him back as they are there anyway.

PugInTheHouse · 08/01/2022 17:36

Being in a football team doesn't work like that, you can't necessarily rock up every other week.

girlmom21 · 08/01/2022 17:38

I agree with Saturday being your new Sunday and Sunday being your new Saturday. He can do all his chores on Saturday morning or when he gets back on the evening.

He can leave the car and get a lift or bus or whatever so you're not stuck.

Simonjt · 08/01/2022 17:39

@LannieDuck

He leaves at 12 and gets home at 5pm

Gives him Saturday morning to get his share of the chores done before he leaves.

I would also suggest you alternate weekends - one week he gets Sat to do football, the next weekend you get Sat to do what you want (which may be a you-thing, or may be a family thing).

That really isn’t how team sport works.
arethereanyleftatall · 08/01/2022 17:39

There isn't really a right or wrong answer, just depends on how you want to live as a couple.

For me, I would only want to be in a relationship which 'allowed' each other time for individual hobbies. Because I like them and they're important to me. 3 times per week isn't that many, and the other person should also get 3.

But, some couples don't want to live like that, they want to do everything together.

Which is also fine.

The problem only arises if you're not on the same page. Which you're not. But neither of you are wrong.

Simonjt · 08/01/2022 17:40

Why can’t saturday be the new sunday?

I’m play rugby semi-professionally, so in the season my game day is also generally my sort stuff out day because unless it’s a home game it means time is a bit limited for a family day out.

Flynnqwer · 08/01/2022 17:45

Ask him to change his football to a Saturday morning. Presumably there’s a team he can joins which plays then?

Simonjt · 08/01/2022 17:46

@Flynnqwer

Ask him to change his football to a Saturday morning. Presumably there’s a team he can joins which plays then?
That would require the entire league changing the time of all of their matches, not only that it would mean moving other groups who have booked the pitches at that time.
Sirzy · 08/01/2022 17:49

So he can do some housework before he leaves on a Saturday.

You could go out Saturday morning to do your own thing while he does.

These things need proper conversations though to sort.

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