AIBU to fly solo across the world with 2 kids and a toddler during a pandemic?

[HotelRoomforOne]

Our flights from Australia to Europe are booked for April 2022. I am permanently leaving Australia to live in Europe with my children. My children are 2, 6 and 8.

I initially booked the flights when my partner and the father of my three children still lived with us.

He has since moved out and is involved in a serious relationship with a new partner. He has hurt me a lot and I don't talk to him other than texts about the children's comings and goings. We are not friendly, it's too raw at present.

My question is, should I ask that he travel with us, as originally planned, so that I have support on the air plane? The 26 hour flight will be no joke, especially with the very active two year old, and all the added tests and restrictions. The older kids have travelled long haul before, with me alone.

Just the thought of the trip is so exhausting and dread inducing. I know I can manage it alone, I am tough, and have made the trip many times before. But this time I feel it will be at huge physical and mental cost.

There are many things that could go wrong, positive tests in transit, delayed or cancelled flights etc.

At present ex partner plans to follow on behind us with his new partner, mid 2022. She has no children. It will be the two of them, together.

This trip was planned long before we broke up. I hate being around him, but do I need to get over that and request he travel with us? He would travel back to Australia again after a week or so to be with new partner and then would need to purchase another ticket to fly again with her mid 2022.

It's all a shit show, my tickets cannot be changed, they've already been rebooked three times. We absolutely have to leave in April. What should I do? Should I do it alone? Or insist he accompany? And thank you!

Even if its a horrendous trip the end result will be worth it. I think I would and just felt my teeth to get through it. Yanbu

I'd go without him.

Just be prepared. Hopefully you'll have a near empty plane and sympathetic attendants.

Sorry to hear that this has happened. Assuming the older ones don't have any particular SEN or behavioural needs (sorry, cant think how to phrase it better), I think you will be fine. I have done long haul alone a lot with my two since they were 1 and 3. It is not as far (HK to UK), but I find as soon as they can manage the TV systems by themselves you don't hear a peep out of them all the way, especially with lots of snacks. Yes, the 2 year old will be more challenging, but I think I would still rather go alone and make it the start of my new chapter rather than spend 27 hours in a tin can with someone I hate.

I would go for it alone. You’ve had your confidence knocked recently by the way your husband has behaved but you can do this. Be prepared, take it step by step and know you are capable.

You'll feel so much better once you've got through it alone and it's not fair to ask him to join you unless you're paying for his flights.

I'd do it alone. No small feat, but you can do it. Best of luck to you

He might not agree anyway

Go alone. You don't need him and anyway, you can't force him to go with you.

You will be ok, the planes aren’t full, the airline staff are amazing, the films will entertain.

Good luck, you don’t need him x

I've been an expat and many of us used to travel back solo in the summer.

Your older ones, give them responsibility for their own back packs (make sure there is everything in them they need) so you can focus on the toddler.

I know it's all stressful but I'm sure you can manage.

I come from a different angle here op.
I assume they’re his children, if so, just because he’s changed his life to be with someone else he should uphold his side of the deal to travel with you and HIS children to assist.It’s not your fault either that covid delayed plans etc and now he’s with someone else.
24 hrs on a plane is awkward for adults let alone small children.You will need to get some sleep too to be ready to go at the other end.

You say you are capable etc of which I’m in no doubt reading your post, but on flip side you have doubts which you post here for support /advice.
Make dad do some work to support his children on the long flight, it’s the least he can do if he would be willing .

He was booked to go with them! He has agreed, and even an Australian judge would see him rescinding permission for the spite it would be. I meant he might not agree anyway.

To join her on the flight

Thanks all, so helpful to get outside perspective.

@PrisonerofZeroCovid older girls are very good, mature, will be very satisfied with unlimited screen time. 2 year old I know will not give me a moment's peace and will likely only sleep on my lap. It'll be an endurance test with him.

@KiloWhat I paid for all 5 flights. He plans to take his ticket and change the date on it to travel with new partner mid 2022.

@SportsMother We have just one stopover, in Doha. I don't have much experience of that airport .

I hear you all about capability and starting new chapter alone etc. I guess it's just galling to think of him and her enjoying their nice child free flight, with a stopover holiday, in comparison to what I will go through. He already has it all so easy.

Make sure you have documented permission from your ex to take the children overseas. Australia is signed up to The Hague convention and you will be very vulnerable without it.

@HotelRoomforOne that changes it he should go with you as agreed when booking the tickets then really. But you can do it without him and proove to him you don't need him. Is he moving back to Europe too? Or just you?

If you booked and paid, and he can’t use the ticket, could you find someone else to take his place? Thinking a student or au pair, someone who would jump at the chance of a half-trip paid for and would be willing to help keep the kids entertained/keep an eye whilst you’re using the bathroom etc? Same thing if money isn’t tight

@KiloWhat he is moving back as well, to set up house with his new partner, in order to be near the children, but she isn't ready to travel until mid 2022. They are both Australian, I am European. Our move back had been planned for 5 + years, the break up and other woman in tow is a completely unexpected addition.

@DobbleDobble I agree with everything you've said. I do think he should take some reponsibilty. If the situation was flipped I'd never expect him to travel alone with our 3 kids. He doesn't seem to give it a second thought that I should do it alone.

At the same time it would be a great feeling to leave him behind for a while, after all the grief. But that good feeling will come at the cost of sheer exhaustion. But I guess I can recover from that.

It will be easier without him. If you're not even on friendly terms now, it would be horrible to spend that long in a confined space together, and the kids would probably pick up on the negative atmosphere. You'll be in a highly controlled environment with food provided - all you need to do is keep the kids entertained.

How about offering his ticket to someone wanting to travel to the EU in exchange for their help on the flight (preferably a sexy young male)? Then your DH will have to buy a new ticket to travel with his new partner.

Your last update makes it worse.

Go by yourself and show him you're fine with the kids by yourself if he can't be arsed to prioritise them.

Go for it alone. The 2 year old probably won't be any easier with another adult plus you would then have the awkwardness of his company to deal with. I would have an ipad with the toddlers stuff, one of that chair to bed packs (if you aren't going emirates/if they allow them now) and just accept that its going to be a crappy 24 hours but it will be worth it. I know most people advocate taking the pram right to the gate but I personally prefer tiring everyone out with a long airport walk and give myself plenty of time. I remember one time being absolutely gob smacked at my v chatty excitable 2 yo watching the lion King then putting his head down and sleeping for the entire flight.

I don't have quite the same circumstances as it was just a 7h flight but I had to fly home from middle east myself with 3yo and 6 wk old and all our earthly possessions right at the start of covid. DH got stuck for another month. Looking back I have no idea how I managed to get 2 trollies plus 2 kids through the airport and to get through the packed to the rafters flight with a relatively recently toilet trained toddler and all the extra toilet trips when everyone was terrified about germs but no one was yet wearing masks. I even had to pump in the airport and twice on the flight. Honestly I think adrenaline and sheer determination gets you through something like that.

Should there be mid flight positives? I thought the rules were a PCR within 72 h .of the flight so once you get on the first plane that should hopefully get you right through?