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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to fly solo across the world with 2 kids and a toddler during a pandemic?

75 replies

HotelRoomforOne · 07/01/2022 05:47

Our flights from Australia to Europe are booked for April 2022. I am permanently leaving Australia to live in Europe with my children. My children are 2, 6 and 8.

I initially booked the flights when my partner and the father of my three children still lived with us.

He has since moved out and is involved in a serious relationship with a new partner. He has hurt me a lot and I don't talk to him other than texts about the children's comings and goings. We are not friendly, it's too raw at present.

My question is, should I ask that he travel with us, as originally planned, so that I have support on the air plane? The 26 hour flight will be no joke, especially with the very active two year old, and all the added tests and restrictions. The older kids have travelled long haul before, with me alone.

Just the thought of the trip is so exhausting and dread inducing. I know I can manage it alone, I am tough, and have made the trip many times before. But this time I feel it will be at huge physical and mental cost.

There are many things that could go wrong, positive tests in transit, delayed or cancelled flights etc.

At present ex partner plans to follow on behind us with his new partner, mid 2022. She has no children. It will be the two of them, together.

This trip was planned long before we broke up. I hate being around him, but do I need to get over that and request he travel with us? He would travel back to Australia again after a week or so to be with new partner and then would need to purchase another ticket to fly again with her mid 2022.

It's all a shit show, my tickets cannot be changed, they've already been rebooked three times. We absolutely have to leave in April. What should I do? Should I do it alone? Or insist he accompany? And thank you!

OP posts:

RoarySaury · 07/01/2022 09:21

How are your children going to have visitation with their father? Do you have plans for that? Because the youngest won't be allowed to fly alone for several years.
And lots of women have three children - there's really not much changed during the pandemic (and I've just done the flight with three under 6).

MarshaBradyo · 07/01/2022 09:23

I would do it alone

It will be arduous but it’ll be ok and it’s more the two year old who will need attention

Good luck

RoarySaury · 07/01/2022 09:26

And, whilst you have the permissions written out - I would really get it in writing about who is purchasing the tickets for his flight, particularly if you have left him and chosen to move abroad. I know a friend who has to pay her partner's twice annual visitation flights and accomodation due to this scenario.

Magnited · 07/01/2022 09:27

How disappointing. From the thread title I had visions of OP in an Amy Johnson style flying a biplane over the Sahara with her kids wing-walking.

Lockdownbear · 07/01/2022 09:28

Do it alone, and use the extra seat to give you and kids more space. Or offer it up in exchange for help.

The 2 yo will be the hardest but its more than likely do able. Girl power

Original poster

HotelRoomforOne · 07/01/2022 09:41

@RoarySaury ex is relocating permanently to live in the same country as us, later in 2022. I have to travel in April 2022 because of setting up schools and housing. After that I will have no need to return to Australia ever again, it won't be an issue
Thanks for the advice

OP posts:

MarshaBradyo · 07/01/2022 09:44

If you will still have an extra seat that will be useful

One of your dc can get more comfortable to sleep

Isonthecase · 07/01/2022 09:51

You'll be fine, aside from the 2 year old it should be extremely manageable and even then surely he's old enough to bung on Peppa for a few hours when you need a break? Just make sure you have help when you arrive, the jet lag is worse than the flight! Can you get someone to help you to the airport with the bags?

megletthesecond · 07/01/2022 09:53

Go it alone. It won't be a bundle of laughs but you will survive.

muchprefersummer · 07/01/2022 10:21

I would travel with your DC on your own. You've said it's too raw and you are not getting on with ex, this will present itself even more in close confines. The children are likely to pick up on the stress and are more likely to play up. The older children may like the extra responsibility of helping you.

emmathedilemma · 07/01/2022 10:30

You can do this, go without him!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/01/2022 10:37

I agree do it alone but keep the extra seat for more space! Why should he get the ticket you’ve paid for plus a peaceful journey?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/01/2022 10:38

My temptation would be to say he has to travel with the kids and you go alone though!

SoftPillow · 07/01/2022 10:39

You don't need him, he'll probably make it harder, one more person to look after.

The 6 and 8yr old will be almost self sufficient on the plane (I've just travelled with a 5 and 8yr old and it was a breeze) They will be able to feed and entertain themselves. The 2yr old is going to be tricky but will be just as tricky with your ex there. It's only 24hrs, just a day in your whole life, you've got this.

marcopront · 07/01/2022 10:41

@Lockdownbear

Do it alone, and use the extra seat to give you and kids more space. Or offer it up in exchange for help.

The 2 yo will be the hardest but its more than likely do able. Girl power

Why would they have an extra seat? The ex will have changed his flight date

jgjgjgjgjg · 07/01/2022 10:48

Are you absolutely sure you can't change your tickets further? Perhaps you break up the journey? Perhaps you could break it up into Australia-Singapore, Singapore to Doha, Doha to UK (or similar)? Book a transit hotel for a night or even two nights in each location and make the journey into a bit of an adventure over a few days.

Lockdownbear · 07/01/2022 10:50

Why would they have an extra seat?
The ex will have changed his flight date

She paid for the tickets why should ex get a free ride?

gogohm · 07/01/2022 10:57

You will be fine. I did long haul with 2 toddlers multiple times, one is autistic - the tricks are lots of distractions eg colouring books, snacks, reading books, child sized headphones for the entertainment system (no smart phones for us so that wasn't an option) and befriend the others on the plane, there's always grandparents on these long haul flights who seemed to love entertaining my kids as did the cabin crew, dd lecturing the chief steward on cloud types for ages kept many people smiling!

Book assistance to make it easier, and remember it's just one day, the rest of your life is ahead and it will be better

RoarySaury · 07/01/2022 10:58

Honestly, I would advise do not book a transit hotel, not during the pandemic - just go straight through because otherwise you are adding a lot of extra risks.

Being stuck in small stuffy airport hotel rooms with young children isolating is worst than being on a plane!

Abouttoblow · 07/01/2022 10:58

She paid for the tickets why should ex get a free ride?

If you're nit going to RTT at least read the OP's comments. If she takes his ticket from him, he will rescind her permission to take the children.

Bookmark

RoarySaury · 07/01/2022 11:00

OP if you can reserve a row of four seats at book, leaving one of the middle ones out of the reservation... Worst case scenario is that you'll have to swap the airlse and central seat if it is reserved on the day but no one is going to not swap with a child to be near their parent.

Most cases people won't reserve the single middle seat and you can get a row of four.

RoarySaury · 07/01/2022 11:00

Wait, Ignore that, I thought it was a baby not a two year old when I stepped back in to type that - you do need four seats obviously!

Snoken · 07/01/2022 11:16

I would go alone, and I would bribe the older girls to entertain their younger sibling too. Maybe pay them something, in money, toys or sweets, for babysitting. For example, they could do drawing with the two year old for half an hour and they get a couple of pounds whilst you take a nap or just close your eyes. I think if you talk to them and get them to understand that the three of you need to work together to make it easier they should be quite excited about it. Especially if there are rewards.

Also, if your ex can't change his ticket you will have five seats between the four of you, that could be really useful too. i would hate to travel with an ex I don't get along with, it would just be added frustration and annoyance. I also doubt he would be very helpful.

Original poster

HotelRoomforOne · 07/01/2022 11:45

Thanks all, I am leaning towards going it alone. My older girls are experienced flyers and when I think back to the times I actually had their father with me, he would often be watching a film or closing his eyes while I wrangled babies and toddlers alone anyway.

I was just thinking the moral support of another adult would be nice, but it's probably going to be easier and more fun with my two daughter's help than it ever was with him anyway.

You've all given me a lot of courage, thanks. My self confidence has been battered down to almost zero during this break up, I have been through the whole 7 stages of grief and finally reached a point of acceptance, so better to avoid being in his company, and risk moving backwards.
Because he isn't travelling we will have the four middle seats.

I can't transfer his ticket to anyone else and I am reluctant to not give it to him. Although I would be happy to never see him arrive at our destination, I want him to do so for our children's sake, they love him and they want him around. If I keep his ticket that is another barrier to him travelling at all. Australia can be very quick to open and shut borders, even at this stage of the pandemic, and I have to take all that into account.

I don't envy him having to get visas for himself and new woman, but that isn't my problem, he has made his bed, I did all the administrative tasks in our relationship, he can now sort visas himself.

Mu parents are in my country but in the past they have not been great about helping with childcare over about 30mins, even after long trips, so I don't have high expectations of help when we arrive.

@RoarySaury you're right, I had initially planned to break trip in transit hotel in Doha airport, only have decided not to due to covid. Don't want to get stuck at an exorbitant middle eastern transit hotel because of some positive test or something..will get trip over and done with all in one go, as you suggest

OP posts:

marcopront · 07/01/2022 11:50

@Lockdownbear

*Why would they have an extra seat? The ex will have changed his flight date*

She paid for the tickets why should ex get a free ride?

Even if she doesn't give him the ticket, I am not sure how she would get the extra seat.

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