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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance straight to GC, skipping childless DC

318 replies

Shuk · 06/01/2022 22:10

How would you feel if your parents left money to your nieces & nephews but not you or your siblings, and you don't have DC, but have possibly had more financial support as an adult than your siblings (though not as much as their dc will inherit)

YABU - no one is entitled to anything
YANBU - this isn't fair and likely to cause considerable upset

For context it's not my parents, and I have DC who would benefit. I think this is hugely unfair.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 07/01/2022 13:52

Well, often they also benefitted from an inheritance!

That can be true. Someone I know has benefited hugely from the funnelling of inheritances. He and his wife the only children of only children plus a few relatives who didnt have children. All funnelled down to mean that he has a very nice house, plus a very expensive sports car.

To counter that in my family there is the tale of a distant relative who inherited a significant sum. He set off to go and buy land but had a drink to celebrate at every pub on the way and ended up squandering the lot!

nosyupnorth · 07/01/2022 13:58

Yikes I'd see cutting out of the will any branches of the family who haven't bred as a very clear indicator that only the childbearing lines are seen as part of the family and valued.

Doomscrolling · 07/01/2022 14:32

@Drunkpanda

They earned it, I didn't. Well, often they also benefitted from an inheritance!
My parents inherited roughly £4k from all their parents combined. All their wealth is of their making. They are far better off than I'll ever be, but that doesn't entitle me to their money.

The retired generation was a fortunate cohort - welfare state, free education, the expansion of the middle class and home ownership, likely to have bought their homes before the insane house price rises, for many the opportunity to retire in their 50s (HA! as if!).

The majority were finacially much better off than their parents. This is no longer true. The amount of good an inheritance now would make for young people rather than those in our 40s to 60s is a good argument for leaving money to grandchildren.

It isn't right for all families but it's a perfectly reasonable approach to take for some.

Greeneyedminx · 07/01/2022 14:49

I am one of 5 children, 4 females and 1 male.
DM died 15 years ago, when my DF was sorting out his will after my DM died, he decided to leave everything to my DB as according to my DF - we had husbands so were financially sorted, so my DB should get everything.
One of sister’s said fine, if that’s what you want to do, but bear in mind I will never set foot in your house again, nor will I ever help again, I will also tell the other girls to do the same.
DF relied on the females to do everything for him all the time, all cooking, cleaning shopping etc. DB hadn’t seen DF for 3 years at that time as he was so busy, he lived about 2 miles away.
2 of the sisters lived at the other end of the country and spent all their time off travelling up and down the country to help out whenever they could.1 sister lived nearby and did the majority of the care and support.
DF thought it through and discussed it with his solicitor, eventually changed his will to leave everything split equally between all his children.
When DF died, there were no repercussions from anyone, everyone was happy with the outcome, especially the DB who admitted he did absolutely nothing for anyone because he was and still is a selfish arse.

Greeneyedminx · 07/01/2022 14:51
  • 2 sisters lived nearby, not one.
workwoes123 · 07/01/2022 14:55

We have this potential situation: my sister has no kids, I have two. She would be absolutely fucking raging if my parents skipped our generation and left everything to my kids!! And I'd have to agree with her.

As it is, she knows that my parents have left considerable cash sums to my children and there is no equivalent for her, and she's pissed off about that. Everything else is split 50:50.

IDK. It throws a spanner in the family inheritance / planning works when one child doesn't go on to have children. My sister has a long-term partner, they aren't married, didn't have kids by choice. My parents have no desire to 'risk' (as they see it) assets going to her, then to him, then out of the family (he might leave it all to my kids, he might equally leave it to the cat and dog home). But he made it a condition of them getting a civil partnership that they made wills making each other the priority. My parents attitude to my own DH is completely different - he's the father of their grandchildren, his link to them is that much more direct.

00100001 · 07/01/2022 14:57

I don't see how it's intrinsically unfair if all children aren't getting anything..

cptartapp · 07/01/2022 16:16

Green your DF was quite happy to let his adult DC no doubt with jobs and families of their own, to run round indefinitely after him shopping, cleaning etc etc whilst he had money sat in the bank??!!
Wow.

AnnaMagnani · 07/01/2022 16:20

It's not OK if you have a conversation.

Every time MIL starts up a conversation about leaving money to the GCs all my childless DH hears is 'I don't love you '

She might not mean it that way, but he can't help hear it that way.

zingally · 07/01/2022 16:34

I have 2 DCs, and my older sister has none (none is how it is going to stay!)

I'd be frankly horrified on my sisters behalf if she didn't get an equal share! If I found out my mum was planning something like that, I'd be having very stern words. It's not fair.

KenDodd · 07/01/2022 16:34

I know someone who did this.
They had two children, son 1 and son 2.
Son 1 married but never had children. Was very successful in business and became multi millionaire, with seven figure salary.
Son 2 married and had three kids. Ordinary middle class job (doctor).
Parent died, left all money, about 300k to grandchildren, in trust until 25 with personal items divided between sons.
Son 1 wasn't happy, caused family rift.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 07/01/2022 17:45

@KenDodd

I know someone who did this. They had two children, son 1 and son 2. Son 1 married but never had children. Was very successful in business and became multi millionaire, with seven figure salary. Son 2 married and had three kids. Ordinary middle class job (doctor). Parent died, left all money, about 300k to grandchildren, in trust until 25 with personal items divided between sons. Son 1 wasn't happy, caused family rift.
Son 1 sounds greedy
00100001 · 07/01/2022 17:50

Why would it cause rifts though?

Why would the childless sibling be "missing out"?

Why is unfair that all GCs inherit equally? Confused

00100001 · 07/01/2022 17:51

@zingally

I have 2 DCs, and my older sister has none (none is how it is going to stay!)

I'd be frankly horrified on my sisters behalf if she didn't get an equal share! If I found out my mum was planning something like that, I'd be having very stern words. It's not fair.

But why isn't it fair?

You wouldn't be getting anything either 🤷‍♀️

Clymene · 07/01/2022 17:56

@00100001

Why would it cause rifts though?

Why would the childless sibling be "missing out"?

Why is unfair that all GCs inherit equally? Confused

Why is it fair that the inheritance passes to the fecund descendants?
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 07/01/2022 18:13

@Clymene

Maybe grandparents think it would make a huge impact on their lives and would prefer that rather than a small impact on their children’s lives.

If all my children were financially secure and owned their own properties but my grandchildren were struggling, I’d absolutely consider doing this.

Clymene · 07/01/2022 18:25

[quote AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]@Clymene

Maybe grandparents think it would make a huge impact on their lives and would prefer that rather than a small impact on their children’s lives.

If all my children were financially secure and owned their own properties but my grandchildren were struggling, I’d absolutely consider doing this.[/quote]
I asked if it were fair.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 07/01/2022 18:27

How is it not fair?

It’s her money to do as she pleases. She’s spreading it equally among the grandchildren.

I think it’d be more unfair for her to feel obliged to leave it to people who don’t need it when there are people she cares about who do need it.

Clymene · 07/01/2022 18:51

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

How is it not fair?

It’s her money to do as she pleases. She’s spreading it equally among the grandchildren.

I think it’d be more unfair for her to feel obliged to leave it to people who don’t need it when there are people she cares about who do need it.

Eh?

You have absolutely no idea whose need is the greatest. Childfree child may be living in poverty for all you know.

In most families, particularly when one child has no children, this will cause a profound rift.

If the grandchildren are in desperate need of money and their parents don't need it, then surely they'll pass it on?

Kpo58 · 07/01/2022 18:57

If the grandchildren are in desperate need of money and their parents don't need it, then surely they'll pass it on?

What if they don't? Not all parents have the best interests of their children at heart and would prefer to spend the money on holidays and redo the kitchen than to help out their children.

I think what's fair on inheritance has to be done on a case by case basis.

rattusrattus20 · 07/01/2022 19:07

quite right, although in this example the one child is almost infinitely rich. it's hard to pinpoint where the line between this level of affluence & just being somewhat comfortably off is.

Chely · 07/01/2022 19:11

Wouldn't be bothered tbh. I don't expect anything from any of our parents when they die.

MimiDaisy11 · 07/01/2022 19:13

If the grandchildren are in desperate need of money and their parents don't need it, then surely they'll pass it on?

It’s not always the case and in a lot of cases it’s not a desperate need but just a need which doesn’t have the same urgency. If your child is renting a pokey little flat they’re not in need of your help but they’re more in need of money to get a foot up on the property ladder unlike the parents who may have a mortgage free house.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 07/01/2022 19:17

If the grandchildren are in desperate need of money and their parents don't need it, then surely they'll pass it on?

What? The grandparents obviously have their reasons for passing it on to their grandchildren. I’d assume the fact that it can make a bigger difference to their lives, possibly the chance to own their own home which they might never get again.

Why the fuck should the grandparents have to have a middle man to do that? Why should their children get to decide that?

GattoFantastico · 07/01/2022 19:18

The self serving greed of those posters who have an issue with the concept of parents leaving equal shares to their own children is staggering