Inheritance straight to GC, skipping childless DC

[Shuk]

How would you feel if your parents left money to your nieces & nephews but not you or your siblings, and you don't have DC, but have possibly had more financial support as an adult than your siblings (though not as much as their dc will inherit)

YABU - no one is entitled to anything
YANBU - this isn't fair and likely to cause considerable upset

For context it's not my parents, and I have DC who would benefit. I think this is hugely unfair.

@Ozanj

GP to skip dc to pass to GC are usually doing it as one last power trip in my experience. It just doesn’t happen in families with healthy relationships

Happened in our family. Not a single person thought anything of it.

@Clymene

Mountaingoat12

I am pretty sure there are tax advantages to leaving the main residence to children as opposed to anyone else (inc grandchildren).

Leave your money split equally between your children and they can decide whether to pass it on.

There aren't.

There most definitely is a tax advantage in leaving the main residence to direct offspring. It is not included fur inheritance tax purposes up to something like £500k.

If you leave it elsewhere it's part of the estate so there is more tax to pay.

[quote BertieBotts]@Clymene not all parents have money just lying around to help their DC buy a house.[/quote]
No of course they don't. But the poster was implying that their grandparents do. So if the grandparents pass their cash to their children, they the. will have the money 'lying around' to help their children won't they?

I agree that communication is important. Much better tackled any feelings of hurt now than have them added to the grief after death.

I think some people dont communicate because they dont want to have to deal with the feelings of hurt. They would rather not have to bother about it especially if they know that what they are planning is going to be hurtful.

I suspect that to an extent DB2 was counting on getting a share of DM's estate. In a way I feel a bit sorry for him. DB1 has always been the 'golden child'. DB2 has always been seen as 'the problem child'. DB1 has a lot of influence over DM and would rather see DM's estate go to GCs than see DB2 get any part of it.

On the plus side, I suspect that DB1's plotting is going to bite him. Once DM is gone DB1 will likely want to move back to his home town. A share of DM's estate would have made this much more affordable. Having influenced DM to construct a rather silly will he now wont be getting that share!

In our family everything is passed down equally to the generation below. Your parents are being terribly unfair, even though it's their right to do what they want.

Someone I knows elderly relative is planning to do this. When they wrote their will the childless adult child was very well off. The other adult child has been a single parent and never earned a lot, although always worked hard and also provided all the care for the elderly relative.

The rich childless one now has lost everything and stands to inherit nothing. They don't even know.

Ah I see, well, yes, but that rather relies on the parents not wanting it for themselves! I suppose that comes down to the trust issue.

I think it’s impossible to say in general what is or isn’t fair. It depends on the amount of money involved for each GC, how well off are the dcs, if they have provision for their retirement etc…

There are situations where giving to the dcs will be much fairer.

Eg my gran gave the inheritance to her dcs which was really necessary for at least 3 of her 4 dcs who were struggling a lot financially (for very different reasons. One was dead so money went to her dd, one had a chronic illness that stopped them from working, one was a single parent).

Some situations where giving most/all of the money would be fairer
Eg DH as an only child. We are financially secure, retirement sorted so giving the money to the dgc makes much more sense iyswim.

You also have the issue that some people will be uncomfortable giving the inheritance to their dcs out of fear they will get divorced so half of it will ‘leave the family’.
(I personally think that inheritance should NOT e part of the common assets when divorcing u less it has been used to support the family eg in buying the family house. But that’s a different topic really)

One big issue I have with skipping a generation is that, depending in the ages of the children and GC, some GC might well receive nothing at all I’d they are ‘born too late’….

@VanGoghsDog - the £500k limit also applies to grandchildren.

[quote Clymene]@VanGoghsDog - the £500k limit also applies to grandchildren. [/quote]
Yes, but not "anyone else", which the post included.

My parents are dividing their estate between the grandchildren, in trust until they are 30. (Eldest GC is 23, youngest 16)

This seems a great idea to me - as their DC we are doing ok but don’t have much savings, so can’t help the DG into the property ladder in a meaningful way, whereas an inheritance from their grandparents would mean they all have a reasonable deposit for a house.

@Walking4You

One big issue I have with skipping a generation is that, depending in the ages of the children and GC, some GC might well receive nothing at all I’d they are ‘born too late’….

My parents Wills were written before all of the DGC were born, but there was simple legal wording to cover the arrival of future GC, so that they wouldn't be excluded.

Having said that, we all need to remember that a Will isn't a document that's made once and left - it should be amended as people grow older and family structures change.

Nice bit of selective quoting there @VanGoghsDog - you missed out (including grandchildren) which followed 'anyone else' in @Mountaingoat12's post

You need to be wary of thinking wills can be continually updated - they cannot be updated once the writer loses their faculties.

This was an issue with my mum because she's 81. My brother I suppose night have more kids, but more likely his wife will leave him and take their daughter back to her home country and never be seen again. Will my mum really still want the ex DIL getting a share of her estate? (And how will I, as executor, find her?) It might be too late to do anything about it if my mum has gone dotty. I tried to get her to think about this, and loads of other possible scenarios, but she just wouldn't.

@Clymene

Nice bit of selective quoting there *@VanGoghsDog - you missed out (including grandchildren) which followed 'anyone else' in @Mountaingoat12*'s post

I didn't miss it out, I noted she also said "anyone else". Don't be silly.

@Doomscrolling

My parents are dividing their estate between the grandchildren, in trust until they are 30. (Eldest GC is 23, youngest 16)

This seems a great idea to me - as their DC we are doing ok but don’t have much savings, so can’t help the DG into the property ladder in a meaningful way, whereas an inheritance from their grandparents would mean they all have a reasonable deposit for a house.

Do all your siblings have children?

I will pass my inheritance onto my children to enable them get into the property ladder. The same way my parents did for me. I think it would have been really unfair if my grandparents had split their estate between my generation. It would have meant 3/4 of their estate went to my dad's family which seems very cruel when my aunt and uncle wanted more children but suffered years of secondary infertility.

Definitely the way to a family rift.

You leave stuff equally to your own dc
If you decide to leave stuff directly to gc, those gc need to receive the share that their parent would have received.

Anything else and there will be fighting

The single dc will have in all likelihood been disadvantaged for a very long time. Simple things like money spent on presents - assuming they will have been buying gifts for all the family, it's highly unlikely that more than a fraction of that spend will be reflected in the gifts received in return.

Big expenses like weddings - will the dc have received a sum equivalent to what was spent on siblings' weddings?

Childcare care support? Odd bits and pieces like buying pushchairs or clothes for the GC. Taking GC on outings etc.

It all adds up and is generally overlooked/ignored particularly by those benefiting from it. (I've seen on both sides of this).

The only fair way would be to split the inheritance equally between the siblings but where there are gc their parent's portion is split equally between that parent's dc. So if one sibling has three dc their portion is split 3 ways. If another sibling has 2 dc, they get half of their parent's portion each.

I you inherited money & say gave your kid(s) a house deposit, could this later be classed as deprivation of assets or is there a way to protect against that?

Yes, very unfair. I can see they might think it's the grandchildren who will need help, rather than the parents, but it does seem as if it's penalising the one for having no children. It would undoubtedly affect the way that left-out person felt about their deceased parent, which is a bit sad.

@Hathertonhariden

The single dc will have in all likelihood been disadvantaged for a very long time. Simple things like money spent on presents - assuming they will have been buying gifts for all the family, it's highly unlikely that more than a fraction of that spend will be reflected in the gifts received in return.

Big expenses like weddings - will the dc have received a sum equivalent to what was spent on siblings' weddings?

Childcare care support? Odd bits and pieces like buying pushchairs or clothes for the GC. Taking GC on outings etc.

It all adds up and is generally overlooked/ignored particularly by those benefiting from it. (I've seen on both sides of this).

The only fair way would be to split the inheritance equally between the siblings but where there are gc their parent's portion is split equally between that parent's dc. So if one sibling has three dc their portion is split 3 ways. If another sibling has 2 dc, they get half of their parent's portion each.

Agree. The siblings with kids may have also got a lot of non-financial help such as childcare, as you say, as well as direct spending on the GC.

Why is it unfair for the sibling with no children when none of the adults are getting anything anyway?

It's tricky though if this is your partners family.
It's very tricky to alter the will after the fact if minor children are involved. Who speaks for them? Yes, grandma left you £100k but we decided to give it to Uncle Bob?
If all siblings feel the same, then should talk to parents together. But I would stay out of it.

If my dc were to inherit from a grandparent, that reduces some pressure on me to save up to help them with uni or deposits etc. So I would absolutely benefit from it, though not quite as much as if I got it directly!