Selling the family home- who gets what. Please help !

[Pinksparke]

Bob was with Sarah for 15 years . They have two children . They lived together in a big family home . Bob left when they split . The mortgage is in Bob’s name . Bob pays the mortgage .

Bob lives with his wife in their house with their son . Bob and wife pay the mortgage here . It is a financial struggle .

Sarah lives in the family home with Sarah and Bob’s children . Sarah is getting married and her new partner is moving in. Sarah’s partner is mortgage free ( he has a bungalow ) he will rent this to his son now that he is living in Bob and Sarah’s home .

Sarah wants half of the house when Bob sells it. Bob is happy to do this however Bob paid the deposit for the house from inheritance and is paying off £25k credit cards that Sarah and Bob racked up.

Should Bob still pay the mortgage when Sarah’s partner moves in?
Legally, does Bob have to wait until their youngest child is 18 before he can sell the family home ? Should Bob take off the deposit and half of credit card debit before he splits the profit from the house sale with Sarah ?
Legally does Bob have to give Sarah half ?

Bob pays the legal amount of child support and uniforms , shoes and extras . Kids stay with Bob 2 nights a week.

For clarification they were never married and house is solely in Bob’s name .

‘ Legally, does Bob have to wait until their youngest child is 18 before he can sell the family home ? NO, unless agreed as part of a legally binding agreement

Should Bob take off the deposit and half of credit card debit before he splits the profit from the house sale with Sarah ? What name is on the credit agreements? That person is legally liable to repay, married or not So Bob needs to calculate what of that debt is his & what is hers. If he has paid her debt as a favour, then Sarah needs to pay that back to Bob.

Legally does Bob have to give Sarah half ? NO, unless bound by a legal contract or divorce settlement

@BoredZelda

This is Bob’s mum.

Bob’s mum needs to butt out and remember Bob made his own decisions and be proud he wants to do the best for his children.

Bobs mum is entitled to look out for Bob. Why should Bob have another man live in his house rent free?

Bobs mum has 3 DGC she is right to see all three are treated fairly.

“ Sarah won't be homeless as she is about to marry a guy who owns his own property, and is apparently so awash with cash that he'll let someone stay there rent free.‘

Oooh, good point there.
Well played.
Thankfully Bob is a honourable sort.
Mum of Bob has her head screwed on & supports the goodwill between the families.

Hi Bob’s wife

Sarah and Bob need to sever their financial ties if they’ve both moved on to new partners.

This. Long overdue and needlessly messy. Not helped by muddying the waters around what people can and cannot do legally.

Legal jurisdiction matters.
Being married here matters.

They both need to look out for themselves, but in general they need to split up properly i.e. finances included, because they've been half-arsing it.

Bobs mum is entitled to look out for Bob. Why should Bob have another man live in his house rent free?

Because that is what he is choosing to do. She isn’t looking out for him, she is judging him.

@Pregnagainagain

Hi Bob’s wife

What? Bob is married to his MOTHER??? 🤯

Since spousal maintenance usually ends on remarriage, I'd view it that way.

CM etc. remains in place, but either the family home is sold, or it becomes now a rental situation (not mortgage payment) with the newly married couple paying rent to Bob.

I think Bob should move back in to his house, and OP should update us with how that goes.

That would make quite a good basis for a sitcom, if it hasn't already been done.

Sarah is slightly on back foot as they weren’t married and isn’t on deeds/mortgage.

Sarah isn't slightly on back foot - Sarah is up shit creek without a paddle (as long as Bob goes and gets the legal advice he should've got when they first split).

YOUNG GIRLS TAKE HEED: this is why you should ideally marry before having children - and I'm not saying this to be judgemental - it's a situation I fell into myself.

I feel that , until there is an official and final split, it is unfair on everyone
-Bob and his wife are struggling

• Sarah is probably stressed deep down , wondering what she will get and anxious as one day the house she s home will have to be sold .
• Sarah’s new partner ,I believe , is probably not fully aware of the real financial details and may be shocked to find them out . I think he maybe shocked to realise once married he will have a lot of responsibility to take on and he will need to reconsider the agreement with his son that he can live rent free in the bungalow .

It is hard . My son I feel, whilst honourable , puts his head in the sand as he knows Sarah and children will be extremely upset when the day comes where the house goes up for sale . He knows this will cause animosity .

However , Bob got married and had another child so he knew a day would come where the situation would have to be finalised .

Bob is also a great dad and I believe the children are old enough to not belive a negative narrative that their dad has ‘ thrown them out !”.

Modern families are very tough .

I am sure Sarah is kicking herself for not marrying Bob but it was evident after a few years they could not get along and spent years arguing but staying together for ‘ the children ‘.

Lastly , I feel entitled to have a slight opinion being as I have bailed Bob and Sarah out many times over the years and without me passing on inheritance there is no way they could have afforded the deposit on the house or the legal fees for it .

I'm assuming Bob's new wife works full-time, even with the child?
Who owns the house Bob is currently living in?

All assets and debts should be split equally between Bob and his wife. But don't they have an agreement already in place from their split - why was he paying the whole mortgage? Were they married?

Bouledeneige read the thread or at least the OP’s posts.

@Pinksparke

Lastly , I feel entitled to have a slight opinion being as I have bailed Bob and Sarah out many times over the years and without me passing on inheritance there is no way they could have afforded the deposit on the house or the legal fees for it .

Firstly don't view the money you passed on as inheritance - it was a gift from you. You may have inherited it, but passing it on was from you.

Bob most definitely needs proper legal advice. On the best way forward, whether that be a proper tenancy agreement, or moving Sarah out so he can sell.
Given ex / kids / don't mix business with pleasure renting to them probably isn't the best idea.

Bob and Sarah need to seek legal advice

possibly mediation is the way to go

Sarah's boyfriend needs to pay bob rent at market value for half the house?

Either Sarah and new husband need to pay rent on the house or Bob needs to get legal advice . If Bob died, then the house would go to Bobs new wife and she could throw Sarah, her new husband and her step children out of the house and force a sale. So at the very least Bob needs to sort this out and get his head out of the sand to protect his children

@Pregnagainagain

Hi Bob’s wife

Hi poster who doesn't read even the OPs post 😃

Bob works full time in the NHS.
Bob’s wife works full time .
Sarah does not work .
Sarah’s boyfriend works part time as he is mortgage free on his bungalow.

I do hope when Sarah receives her share that if Sarah and her partner buy a property that Sarah will ensure her children are protected in regards to inheritance .

I will make no further comments now . This is my first post on Mumsnet . It has been eye opening and extremely helpful . Thank you .

@Offmyfence

Don't be mean. Maybe Bob is married to his mother. After all, we've heard of Sisterwives...

@reesewithoutaspoon

Either Sarah and new husband need to pay rent on the house or Bob needs to get legal advice . If Bob died, then the house would go to Bobs new wife and she could throw Sarah, her new husband and her step children out of the house and force a sale. So at the very least Bob needs to sort this out and get his head out of the sand to protect his children

That's a very good point.

Definitely he needs legal advice.

While he is happy to house his kids, Bill needs to be in agreement with paying rent. And what happens if Bill refuses?

And at what point does the agreement end when the youngest moves out?

You didn't say how old the children were, which is important, as this will affect Sarah's ability to financially "stand on her own two feet". Does she feel able, in terms of child care or even running young teens to and from school to be able to get a decent job, or like so many working single mothers I know, is she unable to get a job that is any better than minimum wage because she is tied to school hours? If she previously had a good career, do her years as a full time parent make it difficult to get back in? How much does Bob help out practically, is he prepared to shoulder 50% of the childcare responsibilities to enable Sarah to get back on her feet?
Really its unfair that Sarah and their children are villaised for sitting pretty in the family home just because Bob made the decision to leave and start up a new family, and this was a decision when he already knew he already had financial responsibilities for his first.

If they’re not married then he doesn’t have to split anything with her legally does he? All he legally has to give her is child maintenance as far as I know but I’m not a solicitor

I like Bob